My husband passed last Saturday - I'm lost

1. I'm so glad you have a really supportive Brother and Sister-in -law. I expect your Brother had also grieved for your Parents and Sister who died. So at least he knows some of what your are going through. But losing a Spouse / Special Partner is so much worse and Painful. It's a totally different relationship. .I'm not sure my Son's or even my Sisters understand how difficult it is to cope with. But at least you have someone you can talk to and lean on. You may also need some Counselling as well . And you need to reach out for that soon as often we have to wait a little while before getting that. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who is neutral and may have lost a Spouse and understand how different it is and all the emotions that we experience. And there are many apart from the deep Sadness . I think my Husband had ,had enough after so many years ,though despite the pain he didn't want to leave his family. I feel like I let mine go and that's left me with Some Guilt ,which is apparently all a part of the grieving process. It certainly is a very tough Journey ahead that we have to somehow get through. I miss my Husband so very much even though in some ways I felt I had already lost him. Incredibly Sad . 

I thought about watching it again last night, but It had been a bad day.I feel like I spend too much time reading and listening to Podcasts and comments on bereavement in the hope it might help me come to terms with what's happened. I keep hoping that I might learn how to cope better ,don't think it is. But even if I try to distract myself He's on my mind constantly.          I went to Town with my Sister to sort out the holiday we go on next week. I really don't want to go. It's such a shame that this is a bad time for planning a break. I was so miserable yesterday and found it so difficult not to cry while we were out. I had to go buy some Kalms from H&B to calm me down. I haven't been able to get hold of the night time ones ,But we popped into Home Bargains and they had the small bottle for £2:99 instead of £7:99 Same with Strepsils . My son asked me to get from the Pharmacy and They were same lower price in Home Bargains. Why do we get tipped off so much 

 Pays to shop around. Got home feeling exhausted and had a good cry. Ate a bit of something and fell asleep sat in the chair. Couldn't face Yoga tonight. I know I am going to have to make myself get out more. But I don't find anything enjoyable at all. I hope I don't spoil the Holiday for my sister. She's so looking forward to it. I am such a miserable person now . I don't know how long before I am not going to feel so Crap . 

My brother, sister in law and I went through it all the family deaths togetherm however, I agree losing my husband is the worst thing ever.  I think maybe because we were so close, together 24/7  it is harder to lose him.  We crammed so much into almost 8 years together, as we met later in life, having both been really unhappy previously we made the most of all our time together.

It truly is heartbreaking and I hope you get some peace, try not to feel guilty, you did your best given the terrible thing that your husband was going through.  It is so hard to watch, especially when you are stressed and tired. xx

I remember that too Alison. Seeing him in his coffin. It just didn't look like him although it was him and yes I touched his hand and his forehead and they were  so cold and as you said you're expecting that but still a shock when it happens. I have my little Border Terrier `Jack` he is a great comfort to me he is the last piece of Jay that I have as he was his dog. He wanted to see him in his final days in hospital as he missed him so much so I arranged it with the nursing staff and they allowed it so I arranged to take him in but unfortunately Jay passed just before I got to do it. We had a German Shepherd too but we had to put him to sleep in 2020 just old age he was 13 years old and his hind legs collapsed and the vet told us there was really nothing they could do for that so just had to let him go. Wishing you lots of luck with the upcoming funeral it will be very hard but I'm sure you will get through it ok with the help and support from family and friends. Take Care. 

Vicky x

I think we don’t realise how much our lives are intertwined with our partners especially when we have become their carers too, I actually didn’t know who I was without him and it felt so strange not worrying about him and his health anymore my nervous system took a big hit - I think I am just beginning to find myself again which feels like a step in the right got direction.  I also spent hours online ‘death scrolling’ as my kids call it funny but also not funny when you are in the middle of it - I’m. It sure anything really helps it’s just comforting to know that others are walking with you through it as it sometimes feels terribly lonely.  I started a grief journal which helps I tend to speak to Grant my husband directly through it for some reason - I even tell him off for dying on me.

i also have a really supportive friend in my husbands sister and her husband my parent in-laws died within a week of each other in 2023 which really trauma bonded us I think she is struggling as her whole immediate family is gone so we have a good cry together often.

Vicki

Vicky, that is so sad that Jay never got to say goodbye to Jack, dogs definitely feel the loss. I'm glad you have him though, I'm finding a lot of comfort in the dogs, although the house feels empty, they make it a little less so

Alison xx

Very true Vicki, I'm struggling to take in that it's nearly the end of April, where has this year gone? Jack & I were together 24/7 so I feel like half of me is missing.  Although it's not good as such, it helps to know other have walked the same path and understand what I am going through.

I wrote the order of service, last week, I just thought it would be easier than trying to remember everything when the celebrant came.  I found that really helpful to remember the good times we had, I might try a grief journal.

I went out with a really good friend yesterday, I felt so nervous going out, which seems stupid as I've been to the same pub since Jack passed with my brother and sister in law but for some reason I was shaking like a leaf. I must admit we did go through quite a few tissues yesterday, therapy!

Alison xx

`Better out than in` so they say Alison. Good to get all that pent up emotion out when you can. I'm sure you felt a whole lot better after it. Good you got out for a little while too to give yourself a break from everything. Yes the years just fly by. I'm going into my 3rd in June since Jay passed. The first year just went by in a haze. Last year the 2nd felt it a lot more think because I had more time to sit n think about it because the first year you're more pre-occupied getting paperwork and other things sorted and still letting their loss sink in I think. Sending you best wishes with everything to come. Take Care.

Vicky x

Oh Breton! That sounds just like me. I find I have been putting a lot of things off lately also. I will book to go to the gym or a class then decide at the last minute I just can't be bothered. As they used to say to you at school `must do better` but I think with me I know what it is. It's coming up to Jays anniversary of his passing and just around about this time last year I started to feel this way going into May as it was getting near June when he passed.  I took a very bad bout of depression last year in that I hardly went out at all even in the good weather. The incentive to do something is there I do want to do things but then at the last minute just cancel. Trying to get back into the garden again some of the painting I did with the decking last year has lifted had that been Jay he would have known how to do that properly but I'm still learning so looks like an undercoat will be needed this time which I didn't do last time. Its only a couple of patches here and there so hopefully this time it won't take me long. Ideally I would get someone out to do it but funds are limited. Hopefully your holiday will help you relax a bit more.  I haven't been away since Jay passed but then we had the caravan and were more or less always there. A wee day trip to Saltcoats on the Ayrshire Coast would even do me just now. Sending you lots of hugs. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Thanks Vicky.  I can't think about a future without Jack at the moment,

Talking to you is helping me

Alison xx