My husband passed last Saturday - I'm lost

AlisonMax said:

I'm going to see my husband today at the funeral parlour

I hope that went okay.

I visited my wife at the funeral parlour twice - the second visit was the day before the funeral. I cared for my wife at home for her final two weeks, and I was with her when she died - so, obviously, I 'knew' that she was dead. But still, this whole experience is so bewildering, that I needed to visit her again. It was an intensely emotional experience - that is an understatement - but I am glad that I did it. It is very, very difficult to say goodbye.

Best wishes.

I remember `going to see Jay` at the funeral parlour. He just looked so peaceful and so hard to comprehend he was actually gone he just looked like he was in a deep sleep and I just hoped he would wake up. I put oranges in his box to take to his dad. He did that when his dad passed because his dad loved oranges so they could share them. 

We decided that we wouldn’t say ‘Goodbye’. We were sitting in the car park at Cogden Beach on the Jurassic Coast in The West Country. We knew it would be very soon (10 days). My Paul insisted that he wanted to say goodbye to the places that meant the most to us. We just sat in the car and sobbed together holding hands. I remember saying that, ‘ I couldn’t say goodbye’, and he said, ‘Well, we won’t then.’ It was the most difficult moment in my life. I then drove us home, holding hands where I could. It took four hours.  He had a temperature of 103 degrees, and I needed to get him help. He was incredibly stubborn, but I respected that choice, as it was so important to him. I will be ultimately be buried with him, and will be there in his loving arms again. Kate.xxx

It's just so unfair that we've all had to go through this excruciating pain and suffering. Especially our much loved spouse . We had to watch them suffer and unable to ease that suffering or take it away. Making us feel helpless. And in my case Enormous Guilt that I didn't realise just how bad things were . In Denial , shutdown and gave up on him just like Everyone else . You did so well  honouring your Husbands last wishes. I don't know how you managed the drive back. I feel like I'm the biggest Coward . I couldn't face discussions on death . All the times He had been very ill with double Pneumonia and the infection he had from what we think was an insect bite on previous occasions , I had nursed him better at home . And I think we both thought it would come right again . But we all as a family underestimated just how bad it was this time and though he fought hard ,he lost the Battle this time . And still I Blame myself . All I think over and over again is I should have got him to the Hospital sooner , He might still be here . 

You are not a coward, and it makes me sad that you see yourself that way. We were all exhausted and under extreme pressure, and trying to do our best in horrendous circumstances.. You are a human being, and deserve respect for everything you tried to do for your husband. Kate.xxx

Youre not a coward, breton, facing death is scary, and wanting to keep hope is normal too. 

It was Tony that couldnt talk about dying, he was always going to outlive the expectations( he didnt). I think he was both in denial and trying to protect me. 

Please dont be so hard on yourself. 

I attended Julia Samuels session last night on Why you cant just move on. There were over 1000 people, which just shows how much demand there is for support. It may be available on youtube. I am just trying to process what Ive taken from it. 

Hi Malengwa

It was really hard seeing him, he looked horrendous just after he passed, but seeing him in the coffin was hard. I touched him and he was so cold (i know it was to be expected but I was still shocked).  My brother & sister in law went with me and then gave me some time alone with him. Then I cried buckets of tears. 

Its actually my husband's birthday the day before his funeral, so we are going to see him again and then onto bar we used to all go to for a celebratory lunch.  I will take lots of tissues.  The funeral is nearly organised, it is 2 weeks today, so I'm feeling a bit in limbo. Our dogs are a great comfort although I can see they are feeling lost too.

I am finding it difficult to say these words too. I had to go shopping yesterday, ran out of dog food and I was dreading bumping into anyone I knew thankfully I didn't!

It is good to talk on here, I am finding it helpful.  It's just so sad we all have to go through this.

When my dad, my mum and my sister passed I went to see them all. I felt it was my last chance and while I may regret seeing them in the coffin, I'd regret it more if I didn't see them.  With Jack it was extremely painful seeing him but I'm still glad I did it. I cried buckets afterwards and then drank wine and talked about him.  My brother & sister in law went with me, they have been an amazing support, which has helped me enormously, I would have been lost without them.  

My husband was the same, it was horrendous to watch him like that and not be able to help him.  He wanted to go and he is at peace now, no longer in pain. I guess we live with the pain of losing them and have to find our new normal, though god only knows how.  I miss him so much

Hi PTP

It was heartbreaking, but I'm glad I went. I mentioned in another post it is Jack's birthday the day before his funeral so we (my brother & sister in law & me) are going again to see him and then onto the pub we all went to to have lunch and celebrate his birthday.  That day is going to be really hard and I know I'll cry buckets of tears but I have to do it for him.

I wish they would hurry up and find a cure for cancer, this is hell for everyone.