My husband passed last Saturday - I'm lost

Its very early days for you Alison. You will have all sorts of emotions & thoughts going on just now. All you can do for now is take things one day at a time. Take care of yourself. 

Vicky x

Hi Alison I lost my wonderful hubby 27th February after a 3 and a half year battle with melanoma , I was and still am absolutely devastated.  Life without him isn't really a life at all. A decision was made to have quality of life over quantity as he also had alzheimers and couldn't tolerate treatment.  I watched him deteriorate over several months and he was so very very brave, didn't complain once. The cancer eventually spread to his brain and he really suffered in agony for the last 2 weeks of his life. I had to have carers in eventually as I couldn't move him alone at home to wash him. They also sorted his catheter. It's very early days for us and the emptiness and all the reminders at home are unbearable.  I really feel for you.  I know exactly what you are going through.  I'm now on low dose antidepressants which are beginning to help improve my mood but I can't sleep.  Do what you want, eat when you feel like it and just try to look after yourself.  It's all you can do. If you've got good friends and family let them help you. If you just feel like curling up in front of the TV then do it. There's no right or wrong for this. We are all unfortunately going through this. Knowing others get it really helps. Take care. 

Hi Elsa

Thank you for your message.  I'm so sorry for what you and your husband went through and what you are continuing to go through.  It really is horrendous. My firends and family have been fanstastic as have oour 2 dogs, they are definitely feeling it too.

This week is a hard one, it's Jack's birthday on Thursday and his funeral on Friday, I'm feeling so nervous and lost, I have so much to do and I'm running out of time.

I think everything is catching up with me, I woke up this morning with a sore throat and feeling stuffed up... just what I could do without!!

Take care of yourself, magnesium supplements are great for helping me sleep, might be worth a try 

Alison xx

Magnesium with zinc helps the immune system as well as sleep. Can't find mine just now. Can't seem to find anything since I moved to this house. 

I'm taking Magnesium but maybe need to try zinc, managed to sleep til 2am then awake for ages couldn't shut my brain off. 

Maybe start 1 room at a time, that's what I've been told to do but I'm no whee near that stage yet.  I can only think about getting through this week

Take care xx

The funeral is so exhausting, but I do rememver feeling that it was a lovely service that Tony would have loved. It was very simple. IIf it doesnt get done then it doesnt, and it will still be OK. 

I was so ill afterwards with a winter flu bug that took a good 6 weeks to get over. Your immune system is just so low and youre running on fumes.

I will try magbesium, a few people have mentioned in it and my sleep isnt great.

Get Magnesium with zinc as it builds up your immune system too. 

Alison, my thoughts are with you today at Jacks funeral. Its difficult to say I hope it goes well, but you know what I mean. I sobbed from beginning to end but it was very "him" and thats all I coild ask for. The celebrant was fantastic. 

You will be exhaysted so rest or sleep after shen you can. 

Loads of hugs xxxx

Hello Alison,

I hope Jack's funeral went well for you and everything was as you expected and wanted for him. Just take your time now in getting yourself together it can be exhausting as a few have said here already.  Everything will still feel very surreal but given time things will hopefully settle for you. Thinking of you and sending hugs and best wishes. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

So sorry Alison.  The loss is  just sheer pain.  Grief and crying as if you are going to  have a heart attack.  I lost my husband of 57 years 4 months ago and still can't come to terms with that, if I ever will.  I cared for my husband on my own for 4 years and the last year was also very personal care, degrading for him, but I loved him and would do anything. I only had carers for 8 days at the end as there didn't seem anyone around to help ever.  He died in hospital fron sepsis in the end after 19 days in a ward. 

I have made my life go on - and you will find that you have to do that.  Get up, wash, put the kettle on - the small things. Then you realise that you are still doing these things - still breathing - still living because you have to.

You go out, talk to well meaning people and come home exhausted.  My only 4 months of experience is that you have to carry on.  The loneliness seems huge. The empty home. But I talk - talk to photos. Have them everywhere. REcall his words.  Carry him forever.

This forum is new for me.  I am  not into online but sometimes I can't bear being alone