Too Soon?

Dear Spiritinthesky - I know exactly how you feel. I also feel very alone. I wish there was a way forum member could email each other - I  think that would at least easy the lonliness factor a bit.

The loneliness is very hard to take. I'm 5 months in and most people have backed off now, assuming I'm doing ok I suppose. They don't see me sobbing every day, or watching rubbish tv because I can't summon up the energy to go out. This place has been my sanity, a place where I feel understood and accepted. Out in the 'real world' I feel like a fish out of water. I look at other women my age and think 'are you a widow? do you feel the way I feel?' but you can't just ask a stranger those things. There are so many of us in this sad situation, but how do we make it any easier to bear? 

Hi FlyBoy 

My name is Dylan and I’m part of the Online Community team here at Macmillan.

I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your wife. I hope you’re able to find some comfort and meaningful connection within the Online Community. We see every day the difference it can make to talk with others who understand.

I just wanted to let you know that we have a private messaging function on the Community, which allows you to connect with other members one-to-one if you’d find that helpful. You can find more information about how to use this here: 

• Private messages

If you need any help using the Online Community, please don’t hesitate to get in touch via email on community@macmillan.org.uk.

Warm wishes,
Dylan

Sadly thats a long way from me.

Im 15 months in and close to moving the toothbrush out the pot. Makes you feel bloody guilty.  I put all his socks in a bag to get rid of and the bag sits on bedroom floor i imagine his feet in them. Torture everyday x

I feel silly sometimes. I would never try and explain this to others. Only those going through this horror would understand. Sadly.

I got rid of a clock I broke. But the blutac which held it straight is still there. 
Because my beautiful Valen squidged it into place and that’s his thumb indentation. 
So a blue blob is on the wall and there it will stay until I find something to put on, hang from it.

Funny thing about thumb prints Mrs VT. I was looking for something a couple of weeks ago. I needed a copy of Jay's death certificate for something and I opened the folder I keep all that stuff in and found a sheet of embossed paper it had his finger prints on it. Seemingly its an option the funeral homes can do foryou now and give you a sheet of paper with their finger prints on it. I totally forgot I had asked for that and found them and oh dear!, just felt the tears welling up so something else to remember him by

You can have jewellery made with fingerprints or handwriting on it. I have a bracelet with 'I love you' in David's writing, it's very special. Wish I had his fingerprint. 

I would love to of had a sheet like that!

And Spirit, I’m going to have a look to see if I have anything I can have engraved onto a bracelet. Lovely idea. 

Im still to decide which of his favourite t.shirts to have made into a cuddle bear. 
Or several t.shirts made into a patchwork cushion cover. A friend of ours, who has been so supportive in a very quiet way and has now become a much closer friend, has offered to do this. In fact she said she would be honoured to do it. 
She said I could select several tops, leave them with her, change my mind and take them back, change my mind and give them back to her. 
Before she makes any cuts she will wait a few weeks, you know. In case that mind of mine changes again. 
The left over material will be cushion stuffing, that way I still have his entire top. 
I think I’d rather do the cushion than the bear. Neither of us are really bear people. Unless it’s Paddington.

Our hospice has volunteers who make bears, I'm having some made for David's daughters, from shirts they gave him for birthdays etc. Hoping they will be ready to give to them on Fathers Day. I'm not a 'teddy bear' person either. The company I used for my bracelet is called 'Inscription'; they seem very good. x