just wondered if any has any positive stories on time helping with there loss? I only lost my wife 2 weeks ago and I feel like I am only carrying on for our 4 children. Will I ever want to carry on for myself ?
What like Barbed wire fencing ? Joke ..not that I'm feeling jovial . I could put some breeze blocks below ground along the bottom of the fencing. I know my son suggested AstroTurf ,but I would prefer real grass. It's just I had to take the back lawns up at the last place because my Yeti . Mastin would trample it all and skid across it when wet through. Even though we had drainage put down ,we still had large puddles where the water collected. And it's the same here at the front . Clay at the bottom of the soil and the rainwater just sits there. So I might make a little pond at the front to collect some of the water. The back garden has always been mainly for the dogs, where they can play and lie in their beds in the sun on a good day .and I can let them out knowing they can't escape. I probably will go for Turf I think. Because Big foot doesn't seem to run around the back so much as it's small. I might have the same problem when it rains though . Because the back is probably clay as well. I want to try re-seed the front lawn today if it stays fine. Still rather windy here ,but dry so far. Hope you all have a decent day ..as good as is possible under the circumstances. I need a kick up the bum to get me started I think.
Hi there, I too lost my darling husband two weeks ago, I have a large family and we are really close but how can you be surrounded by people but feel alone, I think we will get there, people do and I am finding strength in the fact there is no more suffering and I promised my sweetheart that I would be strong and I'm trying to keep that promise, we are early in our stages but we're still here two weeks later. Love and hugs xx
just wondered if any has any positive stories on time helping with there loss? I only lost my wife 2 weeks ago and I feel like I am only carrying on for our 4 children. Will I ever want to carry on for myself ?
Hi. I'm sorry to read your post. And I have been putting off replying since some of the things I write here might perhaps sound a bit negative (although that is definitely not the intention!) However, here I go ...
To the question in your subject line, namely 'Does time heal?', I think the answer is no. And in fact I find that phrase to be a rather annoying cliché: after all, nothing can ever 'heal' the wounds from which we are all suffering. However, I think it's true that time does change things. It must do: our brains are always subconsciously processing everything that we've been through, so our brains themselves are changing - and, along with that, so must be some of our own thoughts and conclusions.
Looking at the date at which you posted your message, it is now just over a month since your wife died. That is very, very recent. For me, it's just coming up to two and a half years. I am still utterly bewildered by what's happened, and I still break down in tears several times each day when the implications of the event - and its 'unfairness' - hit me. But I know that it's what I've got, and I know that I have to try to find ways to manage.
The fact that you have four children should help. Or, at the least, it gives you a concrete and powerful reason to carry on: they need your help - and, in turn, they will help you. As to whether you will ever want to carry on for yourself, well, I very much hope so - and I hope the same for me. What I tell myself is that I have a responsibility to construct a valuable and productive life in what's left of my time, as a mark of respect and love for my wife, whose own time was cruelly cut short. Of course, saying that to myself, and actually believing it, are two separate matters - but I think the aspiration is correct: our wives are gone; this short span on Earth is all we have left; and our wives would both want us, and expect us, to make full use of it.
"Soon after Eddie’s death, Rosen and Eddie’s mother, his first wife, travelled to Paris to get away. Walking through a cemetery one day, they encountered a woman crying at the foot of her young son’s grave and struck up a conversation. 'It was an incredible moment,' Rosen says. 'On the one hand, I felt terrible for her. On the other I was thinking, I don’t think I can live like that, I must find ways to be less incapacitated. I actually had those feelings. Most people who are grieving, they quite often have those thoughts – that they must find a way to carry on. It’s whether you succeed in doing it. It’s an effort. It’s quite a thing to do.'"
In one way, that is a trite observation. But in another way, it is quite profound.
For myself, the two things which have helped me so far are socialization, and physical activity. I am not getting anywhere enough of either but, whenever I have had either, I feel better for having done so. I hope you can also find things which help - but you will have to work at it.
I wish you - and everybody else here - all the very best.
Very much of what you have wrote does resonate with me. Exercise is certainly a good outlet for anger about the injustice around the cause and also that our special person has been taken away. it's true .who ever decided that Time heals might have been getting over the death of a Fish. Certainly the death of a much loved pet of which I have been distraught after losing each one ,but the pain does fade in time. But to lose a Special person ,be it a Spouse ,Child or Parent if you loved deeply then the pain might subside a little ,but never heal. I keep reading we shouldn't isolate,though I feel I want to at times. But I suppose it does no good for a long time. I've seen a few people say they carry on and try to make good the time they have left. I'm finding that hard to do just now as I read others comments they do too. Hopefully our brain will change the negative thinking and we can all find some meaning and motivation . And our Hearts will follow.
