lost my wife

Hi jammin75

Im glad you popped to this forum too. Everyone here has lost their spouse or partner.

We put on this face for the outside world but inside and with our friends, we can be open and say just how sh*t it is. There are people here who are further along their journey, and others, like you, where its very fresh. Im at 6 months and every day is still a real struggle.

I have to believe it wont always feel like this, but also that it can take a long time. I still cry pretty much every day, mostly behind closed doors.

Be open with your kids, its ok to say how you feel and likewise for them to as well. 

Read some of the other conversations if you feel up to it, we are a decent bunch, helping each other muddle through as best as we can, without judgement.

Hello Jammin,

I echo more or less everything that Malengwa has said. I am one of the one further on in this journey and I am coming up to 3 years this June since I lost my husband. Very early days for you and everything will be very raw with you just now and your head will probably be all over the place. If you have good friends and family support network around you lean on them for now and accept offers of help. After 3 years I still find it hard at times to comprehend my husband has gone and the dark days still come in little waves. I can't say when you will feel better- too early for you right now- but through time once everything has settled you may feel a slight shift that things are changing. Everyone is different and we all process grief in different ways. It's definitley a big change to life no mistaking that. Just come here when you feel the need its a good place to let all your feelings out and we all get it and are a nice bunch in supporting one another. Take Care of yourself and sending you my best wishes. 

Vicky 

Hi. I am very sorry to read your post. This is an utterly shit position to be in - but all of us here understand exactly what it's like.

jammin75 said:

does it get easier in time

Nothing will fix it, but all I can offer you is the hope that time will change things. It will be very, very difficult - but you will find ways to manage. First, because you have no alternative. But, more importantly, second, because you have a duty of love to your wife - and your kids - to carry on, and to build a constructive life.

Using this group as a sounding board (or just a dumping ground!) for your thoughts can be useful - it has personally helped me. So carry on doing that. Beyond that, try to keep active, and lean on your friends.

A practical suggestion is to seek help via counselling, when you think you are ready for it. For me, that helped a bit. I can't tell you exactly why it helped, but it seems like act of talking aloud about what's happened gives the brain an alternative way to deal with all the thoughts and emotions. 

The posts by Malengwa and PattyK contain good advice. I hope all this makes you realize that you are not alone: everybody here understands, and everybody wants to help.

I send you my very best wishes.

thanks for the replies i have a lot of people to speak to its good to talk only people who have or are going through what i am understand the pain and feelings 

Hello Jammin, I'm so very sorry that you are also in this Horrible club so many of us have now joined . It certainly isn't what I or anyone else expected to be a part of yet . Despite our Dear Loved ones being very ill ..some for a longer time than others , But most we hadn't expected to lose just yet. Get your name down for Counselling Asap cos' with some there can be a wait . We just don't think this is going to happen to us ,and while we are getting on with our lives ,however some might be struggling more than others before the bad news was given. Others were losing someone they loved . I had to wait 6 months before getting counselling with Cruse . i was seeing someone before that works from the Doctors practise , she was very nice and helpful ,but not a Bereavement counsellor , Neither had she lost anyone very close , only her Grandparents who she wasn't that close with. But at least She was a good listener . I have been relying on various Podcasts which have been helpful. But not sure how helpful they are . I was listening to Krista St Germaine last week , she has a Podcast where she interviews young Teenagers who lost their Mum. Perhaps it might help your Children depending on their age . Often Children find it hard to express and process their feelings . You can get Counselling for Children as well. Try everything and anything to see if it helps . Of course it will be very difficult for you and you are most likely in shock. And there is so much to do. Make a list of who you have to contact. And tick them off as you have advised each one . I kept forgetting who I had contacted. We were in the process of moving so I think I had double the amount of paperwork to sort out . I hope your support network stay with you and help you when needed.