Black Holes

Doesn't it do you good to talk Kate? Especially with someone who really gets it. That's what I need just now. I have a friend who lost her Husband ( my Husband's Best mate ) I don't think she really wants to talk about what happened . She doesn't want me to bring her down. I can understand that .. I wish I could be more positive as she keeps telling me to be. But honestly how the Hell can we feel positive after what's happened. She certainly wasn't when hers first died. Though she didn't really want to talk about her feelings either. She had her twin sister to help her through it. As she is 11 years on she seems to be in a better place. Although she has seen so many deaths in her family and among friends ,I wonder if perhaps she has toughened up. Also she has a different outlook being a Catholic. 

Just be yourself ,no matter what anyone thinks . It's hard work enough just coping with trying to do the necessary things after a loss. You might feel a bit of brain fog. I've yet to hear anyone not mention that . You cannot rush the paperwork and what else there is to do. Make a list of who you need to inform. and tick them off when done. Just do what you can cope with each day. And don't be thinking you are not moving on as quick as you think you should be. We all cope differently. I thought I was a fairly strong person..I've had to be with all that's happened. But I'm also a very emotional person. But I really hate crying in public. I would rather creep away and cry alone and try let it all out of my system.I had to wait 6 months for my phone calls from Cruse. I wonder if they think that is the right time to gain anything from their help. I must say that the Lady I spoke with was really good ,but I only had 6 X 1 hour calls . And then I felt like I was left hanging. And now I really don't know where to go from here. I had 10 weeks with a Therapist at the Doctor's ,I don't  know what she specialised in ,but it wasn't bereavement . She was very nice and listened . But she would give me a pitying look with tilted head which I really didn't like. She said I could go back,but I don't feel it's right for me. Just writing in here amongst others who get it does help. And I still listen to podcasts . All I can say is you can only take one day at a time. 

I think people get fed up with me too, saying how sad I am and how sh*t it is. Basically rhey dont know what to say.

Ive just finished the paperwork  after nearly 6 months, I did it all myself apart from one thing connected with the house that I didnt want to mess up. Dont worry if some things are taking longer. We had some delays because he had 3 named executors and lots of things had to be signed by all of us, and we dont live nearby. 

I went back to work after 3 months but it was too soon for me, but i didnt want to go off again as I think it would be even harder to go back. I am finding it difficult, lack of concentration, memory and stamina dont help

You cant even get on a waiting list for cruse here, but I am hoping to access counselling through the hospice, theres just a wait. 

Just keep talking here, it really does help, helos you feel less alone and also that all our pathways have lots of similarities but also some differences too.

Aw Spirit! I'm with you there. On holidays like Easter, Christmas etc can feel very empty now. I have my sister coming tomorrow (Easter Sunday) for dinner my suggestion a bit logical as we are both on our own. She's not  great company but she's my sister and at the end we will be company for one another. I have her stay with me periodically but I could never live with her permanently. She stays over a couple of days at Christmas and she'll probably stay over tomorrow. I have grandchildren too little granddaughters (5 and 5 months) and I visited my son and daughter in law today as I had some Easter treats for them and like you I just feel I'm not included in their lives at times and feel sometimes as though I am `intruding` with them. They are doing their own thing tomorrow they are taking the wee ones to an Easter day out which is the obvious thing to do. Just hope the weather keeps good for them as it is supposed to be very stormy this evening all over Scotland so hopefully it will all be gone tomorrow for them. I try to have wee hobbies on the go too. I knit which can be quite relaxing but as you say I have to have the proper mindset to do it. I do little online study courses a local college does them for free so I do those occasionally not for anything in particular just to challenge myself that I can do it and of course they're free you are allocated a couple of months to do them so that can take up some of your time. I've gone back to reading again as well. I have a Kindle reader. Jay had one as well and I gave it to my sister I put books on it from Amazon for her and for myself. I will usually read a chapter of whatever book I'm reading at bedtime I find it helps me sleep a bit better because even after 2 and half years from losing Jay I still find my sleep patterns can be all over the place. I go to the gym as well but that's a `mindset` thing as well in other words `if I can be bothered or get the motivation to go`. I've been good the last couple of weeks actually booked it and went. Yes this is what happens people do seem to disappear from your life or stop phoning/texting after a while. I watch rubbish TV as well so must be a thing. You know we are all here for you Spirit and for each other so don't feel alone and just come here when you feel you need to. Take Care. and Best Wishes.

Vicky x