All I think about

Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss. 
I will look into bereavement counselling, but I do think being on here helps with understanding that my thoughts and feelings are normal and that’s really made a difference.
I can’t help myself from talking about him,  will try to make sure it’s of some relevance.

X

My beautiful Valen was ripped from us 15 months ago. 
He was given 3 to 6 months after having been told his operation and treatment had worked just 4 months before. 
2 weeks after the terminal diagnosis my brave, kind, gentle darling started to go through his clothes and shoes and dvds, selling and charity bagging things so I wouldn’t have to do it when he had gone. 
As he was taken so swiftly and his last week he had rapidly declined, there was still a lot to go through. 
I managed to do some but some things I got all out full blown panic attacks over. Like his toothbrush. That’s still in the bathroom. 
I managed to move his electric shaver from the bathroom, but only mama fed to move it to his bedside drawer. 
I have been able to take some more of his clothing to charity, but still have a part of the wardrobe and a drawer full. Again, I get full blown panic attacks if I take something out to give away. 
So I don’t even bother trying for now. So his toothbrush remains, his skin ointment is still on his bedside cabinet. His cap, sunglasses and neck protector are still on the windowsill. The soup maker still on the kitchen worktop.

So take your time. There is no rush. If you start and need to stop do so. 
A friend has taken 5 years to gradually go through her husbands clothes. And that’s ok.