Never ending

So sorry for you, as I am for myself. I think you accurately describe this life we now have. I hate the pain. I hate it.  Like you, it's not what I want. There are really unwelcome triggers too, getting in the car to come home from work is just one of many. My grown up children are leaving home too and I realise I am going to be one of those people buying groceries for one, when for years it's been four. No more cuddles, no more old jokes that we shared over and over down the years. I feel this shouldn't have happened, or it could have waited another 20 years. The only thing  I can say to support you is that your experience, while unique to you, is a version of what so many people who come here are feeling. If that makes sense. 

Thank you for saying I'm basically not losing the plot. I work from home and I'll just start crying.  Have u heard the song by Lewis capaldi  cry my eyes out listening to that as feel I need to be with him. I might smile or laugh with people but inside I'm dead. Just been told I'm going to be a nan and I've got no feelings and its so awful I'm so consumed by my grief my heart has literally no love for anything or anybody.  X

Oh my, I can only echo what you're going through. I lost my husband on Easter Monday this year. I don't cry everyday now. But when I hear one of the songs played at his funeral it sends me into an uncontrollable meltdown, where I feel the tears will never stop. I am also a nan. I pick my granddaughter up from school 3 days a week. It gets me out of the house and away from my thoughts for a little while. So please try and focus on your new grandchild if you can. They give so much love and a reason to keep going. Big hugs to you x

Sue x