Never ending

I did it. I do need a back tooth out, but it is not urgent. Our son came with me. Thank you for your support. Sending hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

That’s a lovely idea with the cards and flowers. It is a way of honouring your love. I have bought some lavender plants that I can re pot into a larger one for a visit tomorrow. I like to do seasonal arrangements for my darling. He would have been proud of me, today. Kate. Xxx

That sounds lovely,a seasonal arrangement.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now ?

Yes, I am. I got myself in a right state. A full blown panic attack. 

I have a subscription to an online card site (Jacquie Lawson). On significant days, such as the first anniversary of Bruce's death and his birthday, I send cards with one of his poems to our friends. It only takes a keystroke and 60 or 70 people get a musical card and a reminder of the day. I then get responses all through the day from people sharing memories or sending well wishes. It helps me survive the anniversaries. 

Well, I got through today. It’s so surreal to say it’s been a year since the funeral. 
Just that word. Funeral. Doesn’t seem real in connection with Valen. 
And yet the visions of him entering the church are so vivid it has to be true. 
Yet I feel as though it’s an out of body experience as it can’t have happened to us. Not us.

After some serious crying I went for a walk and ended at the church were I lit a candle.
Then I went to our cafe and had a weepfest on a good friends broad shoulders. 
Then decided to stay for my watercolour class as I knew I would get immersed in it. Which I did and pretty happy with the result. 
On the way home I got some vibrant orange geberas - which formed part of my beautiful Valen’s flowers - which he had picked out for himself.  
The candles from the morning had been cleared and the candelabra cleaned. So Valens candle had pride of place all on its own and I took 1 of the flowers and threaded it through to join his candle. 
Pottered about tidying up the place a bit, raked the leaves (again), jigsaw, t.v and a snooze.  
Had a nightcap and now bed, light classical music and I feel relaxed. 

Thank you all for your support today xx

Hi, I hope you both are not as low today. 

I got a card yesterday from one of my cousins for the W.A and Sue's birthday. It was nice but knocked me for six. 

Take care. 

Hello Kate

Sorry to hear this. I too have been having a really hard time too emotionally. Thinking about Jay a lot recently all the things we did all the plans we had now all gone. This time of the year doesn't help either with the shorter days and longer nights coming in. Used to love this time of year just closing the door on the world and getting all cosy in our PJs not now though just an indication that we're heading to the end of another year and another year for me without Jay. Yes just going with it is about all you can do it can be hard but I have somehow learned to do that now and things do get slightly better after a while. The `unwelcome visitor` finally leaves. Take care of yourself and sending hugs to you. 

Vicky xx

Bless you MrsVT.

Well you have got the first year over that's the worst part over. I won't say it will get better now because we all go through this at different levels. But its good you have a network of friends to help you along from what you say they have been there for you no matter what. I wish you well in continuing to move forwards. Take Care. 

Vicky xx