A little bit of support needed or light humour …if anyone’s around

I’m in need of some lightness tonight. 

Some of you may have read that my mum broke a bone in her pelvis 3 weeks ago and I’ve been her main carer - helping her to get up, washed dressed, breakfast. Leave her lunch and settled. The back later for supper and reverse. 
I am off to Wales Thursday so I’m away over the week before and after my beautiful Valen leaving us. 
So my sister, who has been secondary carer, has arranged home help.  
So the previous 2 nights have gone smoothly and mum happy.

Tonight was terrible and she phoned me in tears after he had gone. Thank goodness I live just a 10 min walk away.  
Her hall light had not been turned on so she wouldn’t be able to see her way to her bedroom without risk. 
She wasn’t left any water for the night. 
Her commode was left out of reach so she wouldn’t definitely have had an accident. 
She wasn’t bought her nightwear. Etc etc. etc.  
The icing on the cake was when he bought her supper, on her plate was a whole carrot, unpeeled with the top still on.

Its really upset me. And her, which upsets me even more. 
I know everything is hyper sensitive right now. 
In 10 days it will a year since my life was ripped apart and it’s hard enough trying to comprehend that!

Not even Midsomer Murders is helping tonight.

And I e burnt my chips

Don't have much to lighten your day but sending hugs. If you have Netflix I found the residence good, may be a good distraction though you do need to concentrate somewhat to keep up, but really entertaining. 

Can you ask for a different carer? Very little care given from what you describe,  not good enough.

Hope your mum is a bit more settled after your visit and you're able to find some peace in Wales x

Oh my goodness I can understand you being upset. How odd that the home help messed up after two good nights. Was it the same carer each time. The carrot thing is ridiculous. I hope things improve because I bet you really need this little break in Wales. Sending you love xx

I hope the chips weren’t too burnt. The word “Carer”, doesn’t spring to mind when describing this individual. I hope your mum is feeling more settled now. I can’t think of anything funny, apart from our border collie Jack rolling in some fox sh.. today. He reeks, so I will have to take him to the beach tomorrow, and get him to swim in the sea. He is good value. 

Thank you PBD7, Clazzz and Kate.

It’s been a different carer each night. But the one tonight said to mum “See you tomorrow”. 
My sister is going to call them in the morning with the list of what they are supposed to do and a list of what he didn’t do. And I took photos. 

It slams it home, yet again, as if I need another reminder, that my beautiful Valen has gone. 
No one to come home to, to talk it all over and through with . 
The calm one. The practical, thoughtful one. The one who would have held me as a cried with anger and frustration. The one who would have talked calmly to my sister, not in near hysteria. The one who would have just made everything alright.

I so need this time with my brother and sister in law. 
And their 10 year old labrador who thinks he is still a puppy.
Who likes nothing better than the muddiest bit of water he can seek out.

Ended up watching Alien. That always cheers me up

So my mum has been getting on so well recuperating from her fracture. 
She has amazed the medics with how well she is doing, progressed from barely walking and in great pain, to walking with a trolley and now barely uses her stick indoors. 

Then Saturday evening she called me to say she had passed out getting out of bed and had come round to find she had also vomitted. 
When I got there she was still lying on the floor. Got her comfy in bed.
111 doctor came at midnight, really lovely lady, said mum could go to hospital and have a barrage of tests that night or wait till the morning. Privately to me she said your mums 90, you’ve got her warm and comfy in bed, getting her up and out will probably be of no benefit. We decided to wait and see how she was next day. GP paramedic came and diagnosed stomach bug + urine infection. I have been staying over till yesterday when my sister stayed.

The problem is my mum is now depressed. She had been getting better and now this set back. She was already down about her age and has had to admit that she is no longer as independent as before, relying on me and my sister more. 
The bigger problem is she is barely eating. Today I could get her to eat only a slice of toast, a digestive biscuit and half a yogurt.
I am so worried about her, afraid for her and that she is declining.  She is also so negative, which is draining. 
And to top it all her short term memory has markedly declined. 

All of this I would have been able to talk through, discuss, cry about, rant about, worry about and be reassured by my beautiful Valen. 
I try and be as positive as possible around my grief during the day in public and let the mask go at home. With mum being as she is that aloneness is intensified when I walk through the door to the empty silence.

Long post, just needed to let it out. I’ll talk to my sister tomorrow. Or rather, later today. But it’s not the same as talking to Valen. And getting his hugs.

My husband and my mum both used to get fairly regular urine infections and they really do wreak havoc. If shes on antibiotics too, that will affect her appetite and may make her feel miserable. Getting her to drink is probably more important than food, something I feel I battled with my husband over. 

Certainly check back in with the GP if she doesnt feel better once any treatment is finished. Are there district nurses or anyone involved?

Thank you Malengwa, 

I just got back from checking in on her and she is actually a bit chattier. 
She said she slept well, which is always a good healer! 
And she managed some of the lemon drizzle cake I took. 
So fingers crossed she on the mend.

That’s good to hear. I hope she gets a decent night’s sleep.