Made it through the weekend at work cried on way there and at work and on way home quite exhausted and emotional I know this part will get a little easier in time, but finding it quite difficult and stressful and not focusing properly on what I should be doing. I felt like I was being supported which is important. Returning home though a different matter altogether grab something quick and easy and take myself to bed early again. I did actually sleep better as I was so exhausted from being back at work.
Monday came and went spent the afternoon ironing and slept for a short time then didn’t get up till 6.30 pm I am spending too much time in bed I know this but is this a normal part of grieving.??
The normality we Had together has gone it’s just me now so I seem to have become a little lazy, can’t be bothering to do things.
Post came today one annoying letter from my bank saying DWP have overpaid my husbands state pension last month two Weeks despite me notifying them of his death and they have told me to contact DWP to pay this back. (I have read an article BBC saying they can’t actually get it back if I chose not to pay it back) . We shall see what happens.
Then the council tax letter came offering their condolences for my husbands death and say we will send out an updated bill. The bill had also arrived today which was still addressed to both my husband and myself after having just offered their condolences this is so upsetting and very frustrating. You would think they would just apply the single person’s benefit discount but they didn’t as it was to the both of us. So I’ve now had to organise that and await a reduced bill.
I understood the tell us once service offered at the registration of my husbands death had sorted most of this but I will await to see what else comes in the post you almost dread opening it now!
Cuppa tea now and I’ll be back in bed before 9pm again
Life is so difficult without my husband but then you will never know how bad it is going to be till this happens.!
How many of you actually talked about how you’d cope if the one person dies ? We didn’t as I’d usually get too upset even thinking about him not being here?
I So wish he was right now though he would always keep me calm loved and cared for despite everything he was going through and just holding your hand at the end of a night on the sofa what I would do now for that ! Instead of sitting here chocked up thinking of if only! I know he’s gone I know he’s not going home but I’m not able to accept that. How do we get there please ? Or is it just learning to live with it.
I’m crying again this isn’t me I think I’ve got to stop crying so easily then I read things say don’t be so hard on yourself every one is different how they deal with the death of a loved one.
Hopefully the bereavement support will call me soon I think I need to talk.
thanks for letting me get this off my chest tonight…again !
I really appreciate how lucky I am.
Most of our friends are singletons.
Most of my tentative new friends are from volunteering and nearly all had their loves taken within the last few years.
One guy had his wife pass just 2 months ago and I am no longer the “newbie”!
My close family and those true friends who are in couples, utterly adored my beautiful Valen.
It was him who made the friendships, I just tagged along, happy for him to lead.
It was Valen who made arrangements to go out.
It was to him that they all promised to look after me, look out for me.
So our family and, as I say true friends, all happily and unselfconsciously chat away incuding Valen into our conversations.
So if no one round you wants to talk about your loved one, tell me.
Im a nosey cow 
Will keep that in mind MrsVT
xx
