Made it through the weekend at work cried on way there and at work and on way home quite exhausted and emotional I know this part will get a little easier in time, but finding it quite difficult and stressful and not focusing properly on what I should be doing. I felt like I was being supported which is important. Returning home though a different matter altogether grab something quick and easy and take myself to bed early again. I did actually sleep better as I was so exhausted from being back at work.
Monday came and went spent the afternoon ironing and slept for a short time then didn’t get up till 6.30 pm I am spending too much time in bed I know this but is this a normal part of grieving.??
The normality we Had together has gone it’s just me now so I seem to have become a little lazy, can’t be bothering to do things.
Post came today one annoying letter from my bank saying DWP have overpaid my husbands state pension last month two Weeks despite me notifying them of his death and they have told me to contact DWP to pay this back. (I have read an article BBC saying they can’t actually get it back if I chose not to pay it back) . We shall see what happens.
Then the council tax letter came offering their condolences for my husbands death and say we will send out an updated bill. The bill had also arrived today which was still addressed to both my husband and myself after having just offered their condolences this is so upsetting and very frustrating. You would think they would just apply the single person’s benefit discount but they didn’t as it was to the both of us. So I’ve now had to organise that and await a reduced bill.
I understood the tell us once service offered at the registration of my husbands death had sorted most of this but I will await to see what else comes in the post you almost dread opening it now!
Cuppa tea now and I’ll be back in bed before 9pm again
Life is so difficult without my husband but then you will never know how bad it is going to be till this happens.!
How many of you actually talked about how you’d cope if the one person dies ? We didn’t as I’d usually get too upset even thinking about him not being here?
I So wish he was right now though he would always keep me calm loved and cared for despite everything he was going through and just holding your hand at the end of a night on the sofa what I would do now for that ! Instead of sitting here chocked up thinking of if only! I know he’s gone I know he’s not going home but I’m not able to accept that. How do we get there please ? Or is it just learning to live with it.
I’m crying again this isn’t me I think I’ve got to stop crying so easily then I read things say don’t be so hard on yourself every one is different how they deal with the death of a loved one.
Hopefully the bereavement support will call me soon I think I need to talk.
thanks for letting me get this off my chest tonight…again !
I was incredibly unsettled in an unsettling time waiting for my beautiful Valen to come home to me.
There was a delay as he wasn’t in the casket he himself chose and the funeral lady noticed. She didn’t want him in the wrong one so got it sorted quickly.
Once he came home I did feel a bit of weight lifted.
It’s an ironic, confusing situation though, I find.
I desperately need him here with me. Have to rush back to him.
I have to take him away with me to my brothers in Wales as can’t bear to leave him behind.
I bring him into the bedroom at night. Well, it’s night time and he should be in the bedroom!
I bring him into the conservatory every morning looking out to the garden.
I ask him to look out for those pesky pigeons when I go out and tell him what time to expect me home.
I tell him about my day.
Rant at him. Cry at him. Shout at him. Sob at him. Smile at him.
And yet.
It’s a constant visual reminder that he has gone.
And I agree with Vicky - I never understood why people kept ashes, thought it creepy.
Now though, well I’m the creepy one 
Thank You MrsVT Much appreciated.
xx
