Computer systems DWP, council tax phone calls letters…. All so draining on top of what we’re going through

Toonsson

I am the same dread the post even though I hopefully changed direct debits over when we knew he was terminal but still getting things in his name. I look and feel a mess crying is exhausting  I am the getting up at a silly time as my husband left me his puppy which he got 2 years ago to help him recover so have to get out of bed at first I resented the dog but he is making me go out on walks even though I'm crying on walks I go to bed tired I don't seem to have a second to myself some days I want to just give him up I just want to stay in bed. The love we had was intense I can say I will be grieving for life god I miss him soo much house is empty

So sorry to read your post I just feel your pain too did they actually know how much they meant to us? Despite us telling them every day how much we love them.?

The emptiness is really hard up until last year I had only had two night away from my husband when he had been to visit family abroad. We would have had 30 years together. Then the hospital stays became longer last year and this year and finally in May hospice. We did everything together. 

Two people have said to me I should get a dog ..eventually I think when I’m older I may consider one I always used to joke to my husband I’ll get a dog when he goes as at least I would get outside but the way I feel at the moment I don’t even want to speak to some people.

Toosoon

You are similar to myself 30 years together don't get a dog yet my family walked with me for a few weeks but felt they had to babysit me and it meant them getting up early I cried all around the lake where we go everyone saying so sorry for your loss he was a beautiful soul he loved you and talked about you .Today I went a different route tears rolling down my face also his cockapoo is reactive to a few dogs so not even relaxing but I promised I would look after him. Hopefully as time goes on I will be more confident fed up of people strange isn't it lonely as hell but don't want to see anyone.

It is strange I'm at work today my worst time lunch time but I have to talk to people here or break into half a smile at least. I've never been one for loads of company or friendships we were just happy as we were. 5 weeks today for me. Driving to work I was thinking that we would have been planning tomorrow like we always did good weather so a little trip to the forest or seaside would have been planned how so much has changed. 

People were talking about their hols today I walked away as I didn't want to listen I made my excuses politely but I'm not wanting those conversations currently! Or anytime soon ...

I will write a few things down on a list tonight and perhaps try to achieve a few of them.

Got to shop though I stupidly left the downstairs hallway freezer of when I was decorating behind it last week Friday I went to the freezer yesterday to find oopsy it was off not much in there but stuff I was going to work through instead it at least it's empty and all cleaned and ready to go but I wasn't thinking again or focused in what I was doing.

Hi Toosoon.

So sorry you are going through all this. Yes being in bed/being lazy can be part of the grieving process. I still do it and It's two years in this coming Monday (23rd) from losing hubby to bowel cancer. The way it works it's actually this Friday because he passed on that day and it was the 23rd. Yes I get all that that you just can't be bothered to do anything as it's just yourself I can vouch for that. Nobody is coming by to see you so at times you are going to think `what is the point`. I wasn't for actually `being here` when he was in his final days and some days  I got quite desperate that I wanted to go with him when he went but it was he who said to me that I would survive without him and that I was stronger than I knew. I have so far but some days still struggle. It's a big part of life that has gone and a shock to the system. We were together for 40 years married for 37 and for to lose someone who has been by your side all that time is just a shock. I still can't comprehend that at times I am on my own and I do still get dark days/weeks but just learn to go with them now because they do like unwelcome visitors finally leave. I've moved on be it slightly and made a few small achievements along the way on some things I didn't think I could do without him so in a way he was right and that I would manage ok without him. Just so many things that he will miss and has missed which makes me quite sad. When things happen good or bad I sometimes still look for him to be here for me to tell him about but can't. 

The crying thing I was never able to do when he passed. I did enough of it while he was going through his illness and treatments but after he passed I couldn't and thought it was unnatural and that I should be but then one night I sat and all of sudden it happened for what felt like no reason at all but once it happened it was like a release and a relief all at once. You will find your own way of settling. I won't say to you things will get better because people grieve at all different levels  The sorting out of bills, benefits etc I was ok with that and found it very `therapeutic` because it gave me something else to focus on. You will get there and you will feel it yourself when you think things are beginning to settle somewhat. Yes it's horrible having to navigate this new life on your own but all you can do just now is take things a day at a time. Is all we can do. Best Wishes to you moving forwards. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Jkee & Toosoon.

It is early days for you both and what you are both feeling is very normal. I have the little dog too- Jkee you already know this- and if it wasn't for him I don't think I would go out but Toosoon that is totally your decision if you want to get one. They are a commitment but also become part of the family and best of all great company. Some days I could see wee `Jack` far enough but when he gives you the `big puppy eyes` and head tilt to the side you just melt. He was Jay's dog so it's as though part of him is still with me. We all sound the same with our partners. Jay wasn't much of a `social bunny` and neither am I. I am quite happy in my own company and could be on my own for days on end so I think we were both well suited. I do feel alone at times but funnily enough not lonely. Jay was a very private person and would rather if we went anywhere it was just us two. We did have a few close friends though a few couples we used to go out with but like everything else we all eventually went different ways. Oh well need to have a look if anything worth watching on TV tonight. Take Care ladies. 

Vicky x

i am furious. I notified VirginMedia that due to bereavement I needed to reduce our package to the minimum: they increased their offer. How dare they. We need to reduce our outgoings without such stress.

We certainly do I called plus net to see if I could reduce and remove the phone line completely but as we hadn’t long been in contract with them they we’re going to charge me something silly to do so, so I’ve got to stick with it then I will be changing broadband provider. 

You would think in the circumstances of death of a spouse there would be some compassion and understanding and they would try to help.  

 Hope you get some help with virgin maybe still a get out clause for you if they signed you up. Do they say they record tel calls if they do use that and hopefully get  it reduced to what it was. It’s always difficult trying to get the right person to help.

 Hi there, I have got to advise Sky, Virgin Media and Amazon Prime of a change of name. I also need to re negotiate the packages. That should be fun. They seem to make life as difficult as possible. I haven’t been able to face doing it. I need to, as we paying more than we need to. Hugs to all. Kate. Xxx

My beautiful Valen sorted out changing all the utilities into my name, the insurance, the car into my ownership and changing all our bank accounts to joint. 
He was terribly practical. 
But it also helped him to be doing this to take his mind off his looming sentence. Albeit for a few minutes. 
And he desperately wanted to make things as easy as possible for me.

8 months in and I am now starting to look at other papers. 
Cancelling his LPA and taking his name off mine. 
Taking his name off my pensions. 
Looking over our, now my, will. 

It does seem endless. But does fill time up.