Ranty rant rant!

So right, this is not a place we ever imagined ourselves to be in. Not in our wildest dreams, or nightmares. 
Only we, as individuals, know what our loved ones had to go through, endure.
Only we, as individuals, know what we had to, are and will have to, go through.
For the most, people are generally sympathetic, though not understanding. 
But the ones who are not are the ones who hurt and wound us at a time when we are at our most vulnerable.

I have all but cut out one brother. My eldest brother and sister have been truely amazing.  
But my other brother keeps saying that he knows EXACTLY how I feel as he lost both his mother in law (4 years ago) and father in law (last year). 
I asked him if his wife was sitting next to him as he said this. He said yes. I said then you have no effing idea. 
He told me I MUST start park running as it will clear my head. 
I MUST start painting with acrylics. I have told him several times I am having watercolour classes. But no, as he paints with acrylics then I must. 
He has questioned me on my diet, my exercise. Telling me what to eat and go to the gym. Both times I just lied to him. 
His latest, and this is where I have stopped replying to his messages or taking his calls, is asking about my finances. He has even asked my sister! 
The very cynical part of me questions his motivation. He is heavily in debt. And his wife is as well. But they still spend like it’s falling off trees. He knows I have enough for me not to work for 2 years (he does not know, nor will ever know, that my beautiful Valen has enabled me to retire). He mentions money in every conversation and I think he is angling to find out how much I have to guilt me into giving him some. 
That will never happen. That is not why Valen took out life insurance.

So at a time when everything is so damn hard, just to get up, we are having to negotiate insensitive, sometimes cruel and offensive (often unintentional) people. 
I hope you all find some kind people to talk to.

Hi there, I have had a nasty cold for the last couple of weeks and I think that depleted my energy reserves. (even more). I also managed to strain my shoulder, whilst lugging heavy shopping bags. I tend to do too much in one go, I have always been the same. My husband helped a lot and I miss his input in the home, (as well as him). I am also trying to cook home made meals for our adult children. I did a full roast yesterday, which got a 10/10. We had the “Christmas” talk on Friday evening, as we went abroad last year as I couldn’t bear to be at home. If you add in the darker evenings and nights !!! How are you ? Kate.

I don't get why people think they have so much "great" advice, I know they generally mean no harm but its so upsetting. Even at my Tonys funeral last week, I got When are you going back to work then because I THINK you should. P**s off, I'm not ready yet but why should I have to explain? 

This road we walk, without choice, is hard enough without this.

Mrs VT, your one brother sounds toxic, you just don't need it.

Kate, Tony did pretty much everything as he was retied and I'm still working. He cooked, shopped and we shared the cleaning. I haven't cooked a meal yet, just can't. Its ready meals for 1 or something to chuck in the oven, or its a packet of biscuits on a bad day. 

Hope you feel brighter recovering from your cold. 

At least we can vent here with others who just get it.

Your brother sounds “Tricky”. People get weird when they can sniff potential money. I have had, “Are you staying in the same home, as it is a large house for the three of you ?” “Will you have to move out of the village ?” Nosy buggers. I am not telling you anything. We had life assurance too. Thank goodness. I hope he hasn’t upset you, too much.

You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. You decide if, and when you go back to work, not them. I have just had a lovely browse around M & S, I bought a new potato masher.  That is the highlight of the day so far. End of ranty rant. Xxx

I have had 2 enforced rest days. 
On Saturday night I met up with my sister and the lovely brother and his wife for a Chinese takeaway before all of us staying the night to prepare for my m7ms 90th birthday Sunday.

Well, I was the only one who had noodles. And spent the night hanging my head over the toilet and running a temperature. Thank goodness they have 2 with such a crowd! 
I made it downstairs to greet my mum and watch as she opened her cards and presents.  
They knew I was still ill when I declined Prosecco and cake!! 
Got home yesterday afternoon and been on the sofa since with hot water bottles, bad back, stiff neck, sore belly. 

I can put up with all of that. 
What I can’t put up with is my beautiful Valen not here fussing over me. Keeping me topped up with fluids “Drink it all up”. Keeping my hot water bottle hot. Tucking my blanket around me. Stroking my hand saying there there. Cold flannel for the head. Counting down when I can take the next paracetamol. Rubbing deep heat in. Damn it. I can’t rub deep heat into my own shoulders. 

it’s bloody miserable enough when your feeling well.

I've just booked to go away at 'Christmas ' as I can't bear the thought of being here again. Double edged sword though as we used to go away at that time of year and I haven't done it since my love was taken. He also started his 1st chemo on Xmas eve 2019, what a Xmas gift! Mixed feelings all round.

Hope you're getting over your cold x

Funny you should say that, I'm sure the Chinese takeaway i had Saturday upset my stomach. Wasn't as ill as you but my stomach did keep me awake and can't think what else it could have been. Some Saturday night treat eh?

I hear you re not being fussed over when you're ill and having to look after your damn self. Miserable! Hope you're feeling better x

It's true what they say. You don't know what someone goes through with the loss of a partner until it happens to them and I put my hands up to that one. I used to think why someone I knew wasn't back to doing this/that when they had lost their partner and were a good bit in from the loss but I do get it now. No MrstVT this is a place none of us want to be or ever thought we would be here but its a good place to come and a godsend because we all get what one another is going through when all other well meaning people don't get it. Life is never the same when that one constant who has been by your side for a lifetime is no longer there. All hopes and dreams for the future just go out the window and somedays its a struggle just to get out of bed and start to navigate a new life ahead and yes Kate this time of the year is the worst time with the shorter days and longer nights. Well there must be a `forum tummy bug` going around I had an upset stomach Saturday night going into Sunday too. I had pizza on Saturday night though not chinese. I did have ice in the couple of glasses of wine I had to go along with it though so maybe chilled my stomach as well as the wine. Wish you all well. 

Vicky x

Definitely right about the hopes and dreams....

Lol, Forum tummy bug, we must have come out in sympathy for one another!

Wonder who else had takeaway Saturday night?  the not being bothered to cook is real!