What am I doing?

Hi Toosoon glad to hear that all went well with hubby's cremation.. It is so early in the process of grieving for you but you sound as if you are keeping yourself busy..I imagine that doing too much may become a feature in the next few weeks and months simply to keep you occupied. Could you take some photos of your handiwork and view them yourself as I'm sure you won't have taken it all in either. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way . Gailx

Hi Toosoon

Good on you for managing to do some decorating inside the home it's almost 2 years since my husband passed and I haven't even attempted that. I have done some outside though and painted the fence in our garden and decking area. It's not great but tidies the place up a bit if nothing else. Painting was always his department but still trying to attempt things on my own a drop in income means that I don't have the funds to get people in to do things like we used to. I've tried to do that `make a plan` or `rota` for what to do what on each day every week but it tends to go the other way. Maybe work for you though. Works for some not so for others. Wish you well moving forwards. 

Vicky x

I feel I have lost all incentive at home. 
It’s been 1 year and 1 week since my beautiful Valen became a Celestial Body. 
I volunteer 4 days a week. Don’t have any real problems getting myself off to them. 
I care for my elderly mum who broke a bone in her pelvis 3 weeks ago, but she is getting much much better and I do less for her now. 
I go for an evening walk with a neighbour and her little dog twice a week. She was given 4 months 6 months ago and wants to keep as active for as long as she can.

But at home it’s another story. 
I have lost all will to do things. 
I have lost the person who pushed me, gave me a reason to do things, to keep the place nice. 
This is new to me. In the past I have had no problem. But in the last month I just can’t be bothered. 

I sit on the sofa and stare at the growing mound of collage stuff on the table. 
I stand looking out at the garden for hours seeing I still haven’t pruned the tree, mown the lawn, raked the leaves, dug up the dead stuff. 
I sit staring out the window in the study at the road ignoring all the incomplete painting and crafts building up. 
I walk past the pile of ironing, thinking every time “that will pass a little time”. 
I talk on the phone writing our names in the thickening dust on the window shutters. 
I see the plants withering for lack of watering.

But I just can’t take that next step and do anything. 
I’ve written to do lists. But just look at it. And add something else rather than do. 
I’ve set reminders on my phone and Alexa, but just dismiss them. 
I just can’t be arsed anymore. What’s the flipping point.
And this is so not like me. 

How have people got out of this as I know this has happened to others.