i'm just angry

Grief is a very personal thing everyone is different on a personal level I was angry at first then i was blank getting on with life then I would be driving and all of a sudden out of no where I would break down crying , this is is true for the people I’ve lost , as for not doing enough I think we all felt that about a person we lost . Iam sure they knew we loved them and really that’s all that matters good luck people say time heals but I just think each day you learn better of how to cope all the best to you 

I am sorry for your loss. I am just 4 weeks into mine, everyday I  look at pictures and try to see what I missed. Could I have made her go to the Doctors earlier. Just a feeling of I let her down. Every night I ask for her to forgive me for letting her down. Even though people say I did everything I could. I have started to get angry which I think is hopefully is just a stage of grief. If you need help go for it. I am on a waiting list for grief counselling.  If I can ask for help anybody can.

I think i am beginning to understand a lot of us feel we didn't do enough at the time when maybe that was just not true. I am also doing the random crying as well, comes out of nowhere. Im relieved to know others have also felt the anger and this is actually normal, hoping it will pass sooner rather than later, it's not my default setting in life so these emotions feels strange to me. thank you for responding

im so sorry for your loss, its still very early for you, i too am hoping its a stage of the grief and it will not last too long, i hate feeling angry and irritated all the time. I do the same as you , every night i tell him i am sorry and i love him and hope he is not mad at me. But i think we all feel we let them down and maybe its not true, just how we process our grief, i am now starting to realise we all seem to feel the guilt part as well and hopfully that feeling will pass as well. I also think going to a grief counselling is a good idea, and its something i will look into too. thank you for responding

Dealing with intensely personal losses - as we all are - is just impossibly difficult. It is the most difficult and painful thing that we will ever have to deal with - and for sure, there is no standard 'template' to follow: we are not robots (thankfully!)

My dear wife died  almost 16 months ago now, and I am just totally lost, bewildered, and intensely sad. But I have never felt angry. Who - or what - would I be angry at?

Certainly, there were aspects of my wife's care - particularly, in her final hours - which left something to be desired. I was (and still am) disturbed by that, and I have discussed the matter with some of the medical professionals involved. But I'm not 'angry' about it. My wife was dying - and then she died - and nothing could have been done to change that.

We are all different, and our detailed experiences of dealing with the calamity which has befallen us will also be different. For me, it's very helpful to discuss the matter. 

Other than intense sadness, my overriding emotions now are regret, and guilt: regret that I didn't truly value what I had when I had it; and guilt that there were plenty of times I should have been a better person during the 38 years which my wife and I spent together. But, I'm just a flawed human. We all are. And I know that I have to be very grateful for what I did have.

I send you my love and best wishes. In fact, I send that to all of us in this impossibly-difficult situation. I hope that, in time, we all find some kind of peace.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, i am so sorry for your loss as well.I am starting to realise there is no set rules to grief, i am responding a lot differently to my partner passing away than i did with my dad or brother. i guess when its your soul mate it should feel different. And thank you for reasoning that there is no anger at the person who has died, i still feel a lot of guilt, but i will have to deal with that as times goes by and will hopfully ease.What you said  resonates that the guilt comes from maybe i should have done better by the person i loved, that is true and i thank you for mentioning that as i just realised that is where a lot of my guilt might be coming from and you are indeed right, as humans we are all flawed. thank you for responding and best wishes and love to you as well

It will be 5 utterly unbelievable months next week that my beautiful Valen was ripped from me.

I cry at understandable times such as looking at pictures of us, walking one of our routes, hearing a song, smelling a curry (he made the most delicious curry’s). 
And at sudden odd moments. Seeing baba ganoush at the supermarket, changing the battery in the clocks, seeing that a bungalow in a location we liked is for sale. 

I get angry and quickly annoyed with objects - the flash floor mop not working (I had not put the new bottle in correctly), Sky not turning on (I had accidentally turned off the plug), struggling to get the cap off a bleach bottle (I took a pair of pliers to it in the end). All things that I got so angry with not working straight away, the anger spiralling, tears of frustration, that a simple job takes hours.

I get angry and annoyed with people - the obvious ones like a “friend” saying she understands completely how I’m feeling as she lost her dog last year.  
People who have got on with their lives and now have their own problems - How dare they! 
Angry with my beautiful Valen for not being here. 
Angry with me for being angry with him.

I talk to him all the time. Cry at him, rant, rage, laugh, ramble on about my day.

Im rambling now LOL.

But today I have had a good day and feel okish. 
I even had a proper meal of soup rather than my usual toasted potato waffles!

hugs to you all xx

oh bless you, im so sorry for your loss and what a lovely name Valen is ,and yes i get this , the little day to day irritations seem to be of mammoth proprtions. Also people who tell me how much they miss him and how they feel hurt and i get resentful, thinking well he was my soul mate, not yours , then i realise how unfair i am being, everyone should grieve for him, but initially it irked me. He was my computer fixer and now im trying to work out how to fix things without him and do a lot of things without him and i get mad about it.Funnily enough today i got his ashes back and suddenly i feel a lot calmer about life.I talk to John everyday and tell him i love him and miss him and im mad about it too. thank you for taking the time to respond to me, i apprecuate it, hugs to you x

Hello

I have just read your post and from what you are saying all you are experiencing is normal. Sadness, anger, guilt etc are all part of the grieving process just that we all grieve at different levels and maybe not in the order the feelings come. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to bowel cancer just over 18 months ago he fought his for 2 years and at one point going into remission when they cut his tumour out only for it to return 5 months later and from then on it was a downward spiral. I still get angry at the world and some dark days. I get angry at things we planned to do in the future but all those plans are gone and when something good happens or wee milestones happen he's not here to see. Sometimes I will say `must tell Jay (my husband) about that` or if I see something I think he would have an opinion on he's not here for that either. My son got married last weekend and that is a big milestone he wasn't here for but I got through it ok without him just had `little moments` I had to go away out of the hall and be on my own for a few minutes but I managed ok. I wish you well moving forward. 

Vicky x

thank you ,im so sorry for your loss as well. Yes i am starting to learn we are all feeling the guilt and anger at some stage among the general overiding grief. We had grand plans for our future and i cant face doing them alone so i get mad about it all. i know in time it will ease but i never expected such anger and irritation, i lost my father and brother and never felt this anger with them, guilt yes but not anger, so it felt very odd at first to feel like this and its not my default setting, im normally chill and go with the flow, now im jolted all the time. i feel cheated of the time i could have had with him and that in turn makes me angry. But i am realising this is quite normal to feel, so i will deal with it and take it for what it is. Thank you for taking the time to respond x