My new “write it down” book

One of the quotes, from a book, I just read;

His face smiled from a photo, forever alive in the moment of time the camera had captured.

I love it. The particular ones that make me laugh are; “Don’t tell me that ….”, and “Who I am angry with”. Perhaps you can share some of them. Kate. Xxx

Sounds like a great idea. It may help getting out what's in your head/heart onto paper.

FB algorithms clearly sense my grief! Things just show up without me even following. There is a page i do follow 'refuge in grief' that has some useful stuff. It's the writer of 'it's OK you're not ok', Megan devine. I'm tempted to buy the book. Anyway I got sidetracked, so, Here's another of those quotes I came across you might connect with and may be good for your book, when I see quotes like these, they describe just how I feel so they resonate with me. I wish others who don't understand would read them so they had a bit more awareness of how grieving people feel, anyway getting sidetracked again!

"The death of a spouse or partner is different than other losses, in the sense that it literally changes every single thing in your world going forward. When your spouse dies, the way you eat changes. The way you watch TV changes. Your friend circle changes (or disappears entirely.) Your family dynamic/life changes (or disappears entirely). Your financial status changes. Your job situation changes. It effects your self-worth. Your self- esteem. Your confidence. Your rhythms. The way you breathe. Your mentality. Your brain function. (Ever heard the term 'widow brain?' If you don't know what that is, count yourself as very lucky.) Your physical body. Your hobbies and interests. Your sense of security. Your sense of humor. Your sense of

womanhood or manhood. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. CHANGES. You are handed a new life that you never asked for and that you don't particularly want. It is the hardest, most gut- wrenching, horrific, life-altering of things to live with."

Oh my god!

That is written from the heart and speaks directly to my heart, my head, my mind and my soul. 
It is so true. I never even thought about art and rarely did a jigsaw. But now they are both an integral part of my day. 
I am definitely watching programmes I didn’t before - more nature programmes. 
I have left my job, taken early retirement and start as a volunteer at our local museum next month.

I sure didn’t think I would cry every night and every morning and at unexpected moments. 
Or that my diet would consist of tube after tube after tube of Pringles.

I now go out and stand in my garden every night, even in the rain and recent cold weather, and take a picture of the moon and stars if visible. For some reason I decided to take a pictorial recoding of the moons fazes sine my beautiful Valen left.

That is definitely going in my book. 
And I am showing that to my family and close friends.

Thank you for taking the time to give us this quote xx

It really does doesn't it?

Like you every single thing about my life has changed. The only thing that is the same is the house I live in and of course that's not the same. The things I used to love no longer interest me. I am not me. I hate it.

Did u go for that job? Good for you leaving your job, I did the same, couldn't deal with going back to the old job.

Glad to share with you and yes it's great to share with people I think x

Hi there, that is absolutely how it feels. Thank you for this insight. On top of this, you then have to find your own path out of the dark forest.Taking and encouraging people you love {our adult children] with you. Encouraging and supporting them. Trying to find purpose and meaning to your life. I still have hope. Sending hugs. Kate. Xxx

Same with the home being the same but different. 
Same bungalow but furniture and pictures moved around. 
My beautiful Valen had already mostly dismantled his home office after “the conversation”, I just completed it and turned it into my craft den. Ha ring never been crafty before! 
More candles and fairy lights, less DVDs. 
Garage we were also in the process of clearing and now completed. 
 
He didn’t want me to have to do it all after he went so we were doing it together and reminiscing over such diverse items as his flip flops to the leaf blower.

I couldn’t face going back to my old job as an HCA in a GP surgery. A) I didn’t enjoy it any longer and was looking to change anyway and B) to many medical reminders. 
And I decided I needed something where if I couldn’t face the day I wouldn’t be letting anyone down. 
Hence a behind the scenes volunteering job at the museum.

So I am already evolving or morphing into a new Sylvie. 
Like our home. The same but different. Still recognisable to those who know me, but they recognise the slight shift.

xx

Hello MrsVT,

just thought I would respond to you -I have given an update on my day today on my "Thank You All" post, but thought I would let you know what the mental health nurse talked about with me this afternoon. As I was bawling my eyes out, saying how much I missed my beloved Anne, the sunrises we used to watch in bed, sharing laughs at the dopy animals we get in the garden, walks by the loch, music we listened to, films we watched, food we shared, they said "why not write her a letter?" Imagine that she has just gone away for a few days to visit family, write to her, tell her about your day, describe the sunrise, what the squirrels got up to, who annoyed you, who helped you. Tell her about what you achieved today, even if it was only managing to hoover one room. Tell her what you will try to do tomorrow. Make the plan realistic - don't say paint the whole house - maybe just to look at paint colours. Tomorrow, choose a colour,  next week, buy the paint. Baby steps. Try writing it down as if she would read it next week. 

They said it doesn't work for everyone, depends on the stage of grief, how they feel. Doesn't have to be every day, just when you feel up to it. I think they must have read your post!

Just thought I would let you know, bit raw at the moment, so I maybe starting my letters tomorrow

Chris

Hi Chris,

In my book today I wrote on my achievements page:

Stepped over the threshold to see a counsellor. 
Got on the bus home.

On the Dont tell me… page:

That I look better today. Why? Did I look really shit yesterday. Well if I did what do you expect. 

Yesterday I wrote on the quotes page:

I am rattling around like a pebble in a life made for 2.

I don’t write in my book every day, but I do think it is helping.

Oh, and I text my beautiful Valen if I’m out and see something I know we would talk about like a new shop, a funny thing, the factory smell being strong, “just left mums”. 
To start with it felt strange as I expected a green tick for it being read. But now, I again find that for me it’s normal, if that makes sense.

It sounds like you and your Anne had a lovely and loving life.
How wonderful that you found each other in the first place. 
I know I will be eternally grateful that my Valen picked my to love.

xx

Well here’s a who I’m angry with;

Not sure if it’s me, BT or EE.

My beautiful Valen worked from home and dealt with people in Canada, America and India so needed a really good spec broadband. 
He was also renowned for his love of gadgets, newest tech and gizmos.
Which meant we paid quite a bit on broadband and mobiles. 
Now I dont need any fancy broadband or mobile. 

So I did something I thought was pretty major, brave and anxiety inducing. 
I went to EE to change my mobile deal and the guy said by switching to them from BT could get a combined big saving. So I went ahead, and spoke to a lady from BT to confirm. 
I told them both I have just lost my husband. So they both knew.

Neither mentioned early cancellation fee. 
Just got email saying have to pay £453 as still in BT contract!
I didn’t know this. I guess I should have checked / asked. 
And now I will have to go in to them again today to cancel the new deal as can’t afford that!

But I had a panic attack when I got the email. 
Been crying at my stupidity for being suckered in. 
Angry at them for not warning me. 
Angry at myself for not checking and being proud of doing something on my own. 

I was feeling sleepy but now that’s out the window.

So there’s a long “angry at” entry