My new “write it down” book

Oh dear, what a bunch of disgusting people. How dare they ? They are parasites, and have no morals. God, it is a cruel world. I hope you are ok.I still haven’t cancel my darling Paul’s mobile yet. He loved it, as he was very OCD with it. There are so many memories and contacts on it. Sending you a special Kate hug. Xxx

I agree with all of the above that has been written. Never heard of `widow brain` something else that must be a thing and I probably have had it and not realised. Yes I feel like that a lot that `I don't belong anywhere` and people and places you used to know or visited now seem a distant memory. Yes every single thing does change the way you eat watch TV what time you go to bed/get up etc. Just over 18 months have gone since I lost my husband and I can just say now I think I am beginning to find a `new me`. She has not fully surfaced yet and is as they say still `a work in progress`. Doing things on my own that I have amazed myself with that I never thought I could do as just didn't see a way forward at the beginning without my husband though it was he who told me that I will make it and go on without him and I was the stronger of both of us in our relationship and how he wouldn't be what he was without me. In a way he may have been right. The dark days still pay a visit every now and then but I learn just to go with them now and they eventually leave and I can then try to push forward again. I think it is true what is said you learn to `live with grief` and not `to it`. I still have days I still can't comprehend he's gone but as I say learning to live and go with it now. Best Wishes to you all moving forward. 

Vicky xx

I didn't know about widow brain either but when I read it I thought yeah that makes a lot of sense. Apparently your co ordination can also be affected.

Isn't it miserable feeling like you don't belong? Feels like he's further and further away the more time goes on.

I'm sure your husband would be proud of your progress. I still can't comprehend my love is gone, don't think I ever will.

Take care x

Hi PBD7!

Yes it certainly can be a miserable existence. I am having a little episode today where I just do not have the incentive to do anything. This I think is one of the `dark days` visiting today so I'm writing off and that tomorrow will be better. I am looking after my older sister too she is just waiting on getting heart surgery. She has been through two cancer operations previously one for breast cancer 6 years ago and one for bowel cancer just over a year ago and got through both. The irony is that she got her bowel cancer diagnosis two months after Jay (my husband) passed, He passed in June 2023 also from bowel cancer after fighting it for two years and she got her diagnosis in August that year but luckily it was in its very early stages so she was taken in and got it cut out but now unfortunately they have found this so this is another hurdle she needs to get over. She has mild learning difficulties also so she relies on me for a lot of things too. These things can be sent to try us. 

Vicky xx

I hope today has been better. 

Yes these never ending things are sent to try us. I've seen your posts about your sister, hope she's doing OK, that's a lot... and hope you also have people looking out for you x