Beautiful song about loneliness.

So I’m with my big brother and his wonderful wife in Wales for 5 days as I just had to get away from everything and everyone local.

We had a nice day yesterday. 
I slept the best I have for 11 weeks.
Today we had a lovely day.
A long walk with their lab along an estuary watching the birds. 
A bit of shopping. 
Then some slapdash painting with a glass a wine. 
A silly film. 
A lovely meal.
Bed.

Meltdown. 
My beautiful Valen should have been with us every step of the day. 
He would have loved it from start to finish.

The pain of the emptiness beside me kicked me in y guts once again and I just sat on the edge of the bed and sobbed. 
My lovely sis in law come in and just held me. She kept saying “go on. Cry. Cry as hard as you want, as long as you want.”
So I did. And told her how I feel ripped in 2, not a whole person any more.
And told her how guilty I feel for having a fun day.

And I do. Feel guilty when I have a good day. 
But I must try really really hard to let that guilt go as I need to have more good days.

Hugs all round x

Your words/thoughts appear to almost replicate mine !! As you say I go to bed alone & I wake up alone, & don't find it any easier after 3 years ! A friend said to me this evening that some people just cannot say goodbye in order to move on with their lives. This may be true but even so I cannot contemplate life beyond my Sharon. She was & is my everything & I will never find another I know this. Therefore it would be wrong of me to try & find someone else, I hope you understand what I mean.

At our last bereavement cafe we were recommended an online org called CRUSE for those suffering a significant loss. The web address is

 https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.cruse.org.uk/&ved=2ahUKEwjiqcDD_6WKAxUpUEEAHY4YL20QFnoECAwQAQ&sqi=2&usg=AOvVaw0MGf33TQL-jUI3EETR1g-o

I haven't tried them yet but they are supposed to be very good, maybe you could check them out

Take care, best wishes,

Paul x

Good for you getting away for a few days,. Hopefully you will return home feeling suitably recovered in time for Xmas.

I have also considered finding a short break over Christmas just to time alone, just me & Benny my dog.

Best Wishes to all.

Paul x

I feel the same as you. My brain can't comprehend the thought of anyone else.

Thanks for the info. I tried cruse when I lost my mum, not a good experience. Maybe that's what's holding me back...when I have sought support I've been let down...

Loss, my whole life it seems

Aren't weekends the worst?!

X

I've toyed with idea of going away, just can't seem to bring myself to do it. By the time I've stressed about going somewhere familiar that may be difficult due to memories or going somewhere new completely out my comfort zone I talk myself out of it!

I do hope you go, because ultimately I think it would be a good thing even if I can't yet do it myself!

Take care all x

Hi there, my husband Paul passed on the 4th August from kidney cancer. I couldn’t face the thought of being at home this Christmas. Myself, and our two adult children are going to Lanzarote for five nights on the 21st. Our border collie is going into kennels. I feel so exhausted and broken, but for me it would be worse being at home. Sending hugs and kind thoughts to all. Kate. Xxx

Hi Paul, only 2 months for me since my wife died. I got struck by an overwhelming wave of loneliness today, and that song has broken me

Stay strong everyone

Hugs

Gordie

Hi Kate,

I totally understand that, I feel the same. It's great you'll be away, change of scenery and environment for a few days. Xmas doesn't seem so in your face abroad does it? I wish I could do it myself. Maybe one day. I hope you can find some peace and distraction. It is so exhausting and breaking.. 

Take care xx

Oh my.

It was another nice day walking for a couple of hours with my bro and sister in law along the Pembrokeshire coast. 
The wind and sea spray was so refreshing. 
Nice lunch and another hours walk.
Back to theirs to watch the final of Strictly (they have watched the series, not my choice) with pizza.

One minute I think it’s a good idea to be here. Show myself that I can do it. Get away from home for a few days. 
Then I think it was a terrible idea. Brings home so clearly that my beautiful Valen is not beside me. 

I held on until now, in bed.

Its so badly hit me today that he is not here. 
Wont be here. 
Ever again. 
His physical presence, sounds, smell, touch. 
I can’t bear it. 
I can’t believe he is gone. 
Please don’t be gone. 
I miss you so much.

Oh my forum family, my heart aches for all of us going through this f***ing crappy, shitty time.

Hugs to you all xx

It's so tough to keep pushing on to the next day ! Well I've really surprised myself tonight I've come up to Blackpool on my own to a Northern Soul night in the Tower ballroom. It's a very odd feeling being alone but my brother & a mate both had to drop out at last minute ! I thought sod it I'm not wasting my ticket & a good dance to let my hair down would do me good. It really has I'm sat alone but been on dance floor quite a bit, lots of people dancing alone so I'm fine. 

If course I wish with all my heart Sharon was here she loved dancing. I've always regretted not dancing with her more when we went cruising   Still I can imagine she's here with me

Take care.

Paul x