Xmas

Good Luck with the interview, and hope you are able to take Valen with you Wales

Hi Villafix, isn’t life so so hard just now, I’m 9 weeks in and it’s still so raw. This mask we wear would win an Oscar performance. People ask, “how are we doing” we answer, “not too bad, we have to cope”  in fact we are breaking inside and want to shout, just shut up, we are not coping, wouldn’t it be nice to just go away in a wee group like all of us and just be exactly how we are feeling, not with family that we have to wear that mask. I know I will cope but will cry when I’m in bed, I stayed away for a few days last week and I almost cried a few times but held it in, honestly I sobbed for ever when I got in my door. I am just so lonely and no one knows how I’m feeling. Just do what you feel you can cope with whether it’s two steps back and one forward. We are all different. Sending hugs. Take care xx

I bumped into a neighbour today I haven’t seen since my beautiful Valen went. 
We have to pass her house at the head of our cul de sac and she and Valen used to wave to each other when he went out for his daily walk (he worked from home).

We had a chat - the usual “he was so lovely, a real gentleman, it must be so hard for you”. 
But then she said “I won’t ask how you are, you must be feeling shit”.

She started to cry, just a few silent tears. 
Turns out (and we never knew) that her husband passed 2 weeks after the old “3 to 6 months” the year before we moved here. So that was 5 years ago.

He passed on Christmas Eve. 
So she doesn’t celebrate and usually shuts herself away for several days. 
She said she hasn’t found it any less painful. 
She’s just found ways to cope, manage her feelings, get on wit( her life.

So mum and I are going to pop round hers for a coffee on Christmas Day and then go for a walk. 
It will her first day outside on Christmas Day for 5 years.

I think I’ll ask my other neighbour whose husband passed within 4 weeks of his unexpected diagnosis earlier this year to join us.

Our own little group.

That’s so sad but nice as well. Strangely enough I answered the door to a delivery  man last week and my next door neighbour  came to the door afterwords, she said she didn’t know my husband had died, she only just found out as she was away when it happened. She was wondering why she hadn’t seen him about and said what a lovely man he was.  This is 8 weeks later, only two of my neighbours showed up at the funeral, it’s a small cul-de-sac as well. At least she came to the door, wudnt come in but got the usual, if there is anything we can do please knock the door. It must be an unlucky street as there are five that have lost husbands and wives in the ten years we have been here. I definitely need to get out this street. It is so nice that you have connected with this neighbour and such a nice thing to do as well. I can’t see that happening in my street. Wish you were my neighbour. Take care xxx

Wow MrsVT, such a sad tale, but one with kindness and humanity from you all.

When Jan died, 3 of my neighbours attended the funeral from our little square.

I too found out that a number of my neighbours had been affected by cancer in some form of another.

All three neighbours still check in on me from time to time, asking if I need anything or if there is anything they can do

While it could be emotional, part of me wishes that I could join your little gathering

Hugs

Gordie

It would be quite ……… not sure of the right word …….to meet our little forum group for coffee one day.

At least we know what we are all going through and won’t be embarrassed by putting our foot in it! 
Wont be embarrassed by the tears, sobs, anger or laughter. 
Wont be afraid to mention our beloveds name and talk about them in case it sets us off again.

i havent started counselling yet, Theres a 10 week wait from point of request. 
So not sure if you go out and socialise as a group or not.

We could all then hug each other in person, rather than virtual hugs. One of the things I miss the most are my darlings hugs. Xxx

I wonder how easy / difficult it would be to get some of us together in the spring?

When the days are longer. The sun is out (hopefully) and things may be looking a tiny bit more bearable.

I can get pretty much anywhere with enough notice. 
I live in Suffolk.

What a wonderful idea although I’m a bit further afield but I don’t mind travelling if we made it somewhere central. I’m in Scotland. Xx

I’m in West Sussex, I don’t mind travelling either. Xxx