Xmas

Hello. My husband died in June and, like you, I felt like I was coping OK. Lately though, I feel like I’m just treading water, marking time, stagnating even... I know I’ve done a lot of the necessary ‘stuff’, and I am seeing the psychologist from the palliative care team which helps immensely, but Christmas will be tricky to navigate. It will be the first time I’ll spend it with my family again after about 20 years and I know everyone is excited and will be considerate, but they won’t understand. And I’m hoping there won’t be lots of questions about how I’m doing!

I really don’t think you are taking a step backwards at all by turning down those invitations. It seems eminently sensible, and shows just how well you understand what you need to do for your own well-being and sanity. To me that’s ‘coping’, not going backwards. Sending you a hug.

I have no idea how I feel about Christmas.

My husband passed away on 1st August this year.

I've put the tree up, coz I love all the lights. And some people think it's odd I've got a tree up.

I did decorate it differently to how my husband would of, he was red and gold, but I wanted all my silver and sparkles up. I got the tree out of the box and there was 1 red bauble! The red bauble has stayed there and always will.

I feel I'm wearing a mask. Smiling looking like I'm coping, but I'm not.

Love and hugs to all

Hi Villafix!

This will be my second Christmas without my husband and I get what you are saying. He passed last June (2023) from bowel cancer after a 2 year fight. My `first` last year wasn't too bad my sone had my sister and I over to theirs but don't know what will happen this year as my son's partner's mother passed away in April this year also from cancer so she will no doubt want to be with her dad. I'm really just not feeling the `Christmas vibe` this year at all. Last year I just went through the motions of it don't have a decoration or nothing up just now but I will force myself to do so because I have a little granddaughter and will try and get enthusiastic for her sake. My sister as well as my son and his partner are all I have but at times that's enough that I do still have some people around me. My sister has learning and mental health issues she is in her early 70's and has a mentality of an 18 year old she needs me for a lot of things. She doesn't live with me but lives not far within walking distance at a sheltered acommodation complex. She can be independent and go out on her own but needs me for things in authority. She got a bowel cancer diagnosis only two months after my husband passed last year but her's was not as serious as my husband's and was caught very early just a case of them taking her in cutting the tumour out which was very small and there was no need for any post radio or chemotherapy. It's like a role reversal for both of us I am the younger sister looking after the older one when it is usually the other way about so when looking for empathy or understanding she is not someone I can go to because she just really doesn't get it. When you tell her how you feel she'll say to you `oh I feel like that myself sometimes` and then it's `oh you'll be ok` but then she tries to make it about her all the time. This is why I come on to these forums and speak to people I know will understand. I wish you well in moving forward and hope you have as best a Christmas as possible. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Boxing Day will be 3 months to the day my beautiful Valen was taken from me. 

We love love loved Christmas. 
All the decorations. 
Taste testing mince pies. 
Making our own crackers. 
Christmas T.V specials. 
Highlighting programmes in the Radio Times. 

How is Christmas ever going to be joyful again.

That has been whirling round my head.

But I am getting our puppy Wednesday, so hopefully Christmas will be bearable.

It is sure as hell going to be different.