Guilt

I am so pleased that you are getting your dog. A puppy will certainly keep you busy but more than that, they give unconditional love and companionship and worm their way into your heart when you think nothing can. We got our dog after my husband was diagnosed and they spent time together when he wasn't as mobile. Once he had moved into a bed downstairs he was kept company by the dog who slept on the bed with him. Now there is just me and the dog but he has helped me so much, first through each day at a time and now I enjoy our longer walks. (admittedly he would rather stay inside on colder days). Yes, you have to plan things with the dog in mind but it is so worth it. Like you I see him as a gift from my husband who didn't want me to be alone.

I have had such a major wobble today about getting the puppy.

I can’t do this without him. 
He should be here to help choose the puppy. 
To help train her, walk her, play with her.

Am I getting her to soon? 
My beautiful Valen has only been gone 9 weeks. 
What am I thinking? 

I feel so terribly guilty. 
It’s such a major decision to make without him.

I can’t stop crying. 
Every time I catch a glimpse of one of his pictures I start up again. 

I miss him so desperately. 
And getting a puppy without him makes it even more real that he is no longer here.

My beloved husband Lee and I already had 2 dogs. He adored them and they him. They miss their daddy terribly I know, but they saw him in the hospice when he was very ill and I truly believe that they understood and understand now. They are such a comfort and I don’t know what I would’ve done without them over the last few weeks.

However when I take them out on a beautiful morning on a walk that he loved to do too, it is really upsetting as it hits me that he’s not here and will never be able to do these lovely walks again. Morning walks with our boys were such a joy everyday and especially so on holiday. But it does make me so sad that he’s missing out. So, although a different way round, I get what you’re saying completely.

It is a huge decision to get a puppy but from what you’ve said, it’s one that you made together. Life is so unfair and your Valen should have been able to help choose, train and walk your puppy and our boys should be able to spend the second halves of their lives with their daddy. 

I really hope that your puppy will bring you comfort in time. Our boys mean so much to me. Sending you a huge hug. 

Hi Mrs VT - I have a dog, and just the presence of a living creature around the house has been really comforting these last few months. (He's 14 now, and so of course I worry about his health, but his old dog snoring really makes me smile.)

I think you are right to think carefully about whether you are ready just yet - not because you can't do it alone, or because of guilt, but a new puppy is very demanding at first, and you might need more time when you can just focus on your own needs. A good friend of mine is a few weeks into getting a puppy, and she has been quite overwhelmed by how emotionally demanding it is, as well as the sense of responsibility. 

It sounds like it was always your plan to get a dog, so it's not a reaction to the loss of your beautiful husband. So, it's maybe worth thinking about what support you will have from friends and family to help you in the first crazy few weeks.

A month in, my friend has absolutely no regrets, and she is starting to get snuggles, and can now take her pup out for walks, so she's beginning to experience what she imagined when she decided to get a dog. 

I'm really not trying to put you off, and I definitely think the answer to most of your questions is 'yes, you can do it.' But only you know whether right this minute it will be good for you to have the focus and distraction of a pup, and the joy it will bring, or whether you might want to wait a little while since it's all so raw.

Good luck. xx

I have to say I am also very angry with the  doctor and timeframe.  We were both told that my husbands cancer had all but gone and that we just needed the final treatment, aggressive chemotherapy followed by stem cell replacement - a month in hospital then he'd be home.  He went in on the 25th September and died on the 23rd October, after spending 10 days in intensive care following complications.  It was all so horrendous, he was in an induced coma the whole time so I never really got to say goodbye.  

The doctors in ICU would tell me they were going to wake him up one minute then the next he was very poorly.  I will never recover from that experience and I don't think people understand that, it's not only the loss that you have to contend with it's the stress and trauma you had to endure beforehand.

thank you all for allowing me to just write on here with no judgement and to know you understand it helps so much 

Yes, I do understand. I am still trying to make sense of my life now, and I am not doing a very good job of it at the moment. I am very short of patience, I anger easily and I am not very pleasant to be around. I also have a nasty virus, temperature and I am crying myself to sleep most nights. I am also isolating myself from friends. What a mess I am in. Xxx

Well, after serious doubts I decided against the puppy.

When my sister came to take me to collect her I just cried and cried. 
I told her that I thought the timing wasnt right, also the reasons.  
Yes, she would give me focus and structure and love and cuddles. 
But I would always, at all times regret that my beautiful Valen isn’t joining in.

What would the puppy think was happening when I wake sobbing? 
Or have a panic / anxiety attack? 
Or need to run round the corner to mum? 
Or sit and wail for my love? 

I asked my sister how did I imagine I could look after a puppy when I am barely managing to look after myself.

So I will start a new pooch search in the spring. Or whenever. 
And in the meantime I will volunteer as a dog walker.

Since I made the decision I feel so much calmer. Relieved. 
Which shows I made the right choice.

I'm glad you feel calmer. I'm sure you'll know when the time is right. What a great idea to volunteer as a dog walker! xx

Yes, it sounds like you did make the right choice for you. Sending hugs. Xxx

3 hours to go to the 10 week mark. 
I’ve definitely deliberately not replied to several friends messages. 
They are not close enough to me for me to want to try and explain how I am doing. 
I am keeping a small circle close. 
Funnily, we notice people who avoid us, but I have ducked behind cars and trees to avoid people!