You would have thought that considering people go through this every day in day out, that by now the sadmin, accounts and probate would have been simplified for people in horrific grief.
”They” must now by now how destroyed we are.
How hard it is for us to function.
How hard it is to understand in our fuzzy heads.
We don’t want our loved one’s names to be obliterated so quickly and definitively.
Why add such awful stress to us by freezing accounts paying bills and mortgages.
Why make probate so difficult at a time when we are dealing with our loss.
The letters that start “we are sorry for the loss of Mr Thomas Valen”.
His name is Valen Thomas you idiots, have the decency to get it right!.
And follow with a but can you…….
The offhand “How are you doing? Have you heard about our bereavement services”.
Do “they” think we get over this as quickly as if we had lost a hamster?
I want to campaign to make everything easier for us.
But don’t now where to start as so much needs to change.
For me I guess it’s the whole minefield of probate.
Sending hugs to all x
You are right. It is disgusting that we have to go through this nightmare process when we are at our most vulnerable. My daughter and I spent over three hours on Thursday trying to complete seventeen pages of probate forms. It is so tedious and time consuming, I wouldn’t mind but we are exempt as spouses, but still need the Certificate. Morons. Xxx
Exactly Kate.
Ive gone to a solicitor to do it all.
She said even she does not understand why, as the sole beneficiary as stated in my beautiful Valen’s wills, I have to go through probate.
Had a letter from bank saying as I had handed over his passing certificate they had changed our joint accounts to solo and all direct debits stopped and I have to inform the people receiving the stopped direct debits of the solo name change on the account.
Thats the flipping mortgage.
I didn’t ask you to stop the direct debit.
You can see it’s for a mortgage.
Why should I have to be the one to deal with this?
Im going to see them Monday and tell them to deal with it as I’m not in a state to do so.
Bloody disgusting.
Hello Kate and MrsVT. I haven’t started the Probate process. I know I have to, but I can’t face it quite yet. And I am the sole beneficiary as we have no children... It should be just a formality, so why is it so time consuming and complicated to get the Certificate?
I live in France so I have had to do the equivalent here as well. The house automatically becomes mine, but it will apparently still cost me about €2000 to ‘inherit’ what I already own(!) I’ve submitted the paperwork, but in this case the bureaucracy can take as long as it wants. Sending you both hugs and the strength and patience to cope when it’s the last thing you want to be thinking about and having to deal with. xx
I had this very conversation with my sister the other day about specific bereavement lines and services.
Firstly everything is on line now with no human interaction unless pushed, and I truly believe the bereavement lines are manned by people who scored zero in all empathy tests.
i have found things so difficult from web sites not working to not allowing uploads.
i truly feeling like screaming - guys it's difficult enough without all this admin torture.
I was having a pretty good day today.
But then…
A letter arrived addressed to my beautiful Valen from his private health insurers.
Inside is a statement with the last payment made by them to the private oncologist who agreed experimental treatment.
The same guy who by not sending the correct paperwork to them delayed his treatment by nearly 3 weeks.
Causing my Valen immense stress, disenchantment and loss of hope.
Anyway…. The letter starts;
We received and have settled a bill for your latest care.
We hope your treatment went well
I stopped myself, it took effort, from picking up the phone and yelling at them No it didn’t go effing well.
Seriously. Do these people not read their own files??????
I am definitely putting in an official complaint.
This has really hit me.
It’s all so awful isn’t it? Because my husband died so quickly and unexpectedly, we hadn’t discussed much and what I found the most awful was having to choose and arrange a funeral director on the day that he died. Well within hours actually. I mean, really?
And then the demands from HMRC to file his tax returns by the end of Jan, as he was self employed.
Plus all the other paperwork we have to file.
There has to be a better, more compassionate way for those like us, surely.
HMRC were damn quick to get their paperwork out!
British Gas sent a letter asking for a final reading before closing the account of the deceased Mr and Mrs Valen.
Can you believe that! They though were had both passed and they got our surname wrong!!
Health Lottery wanted his death certificate and proof I had probate to cancel his account.
Honestly. It has to be easier than this.
Surely at least 1 of these faceless people must have lost someone close, if not a husband, wife or partner to realise this is all wrong.
I feel so powerless against them.
Great.
Now all those horrific memories of his final moments have come crashing back full force.
Dammit.
It’s been about a week now that I last went fully over that trauma.
I had thought “good, moving away from that pain, getting less painful and less of a full video replay”.
But that letter.
Since my above post I have been crying, wailing.
All the stress he went through trying to chase his treatment his last 2 weeks, has come back.
The hope dieing.
The strong vibrant man shrinking before my eyes.
The stealing of our future. Our happiness. Our joy of life.
bloody letter
They are horrible people with no compassion. We are all so fragile, and trying so hard to survive. Sending hugs and kindness. Kate. Xxx
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