Just having a moment

Hi Sad1,

My wife died a month ago on the 6th October and I get you completely. I managed to get rid of most of her clothes, shoes, and a few other bits that were of no use to me without any issues.

Removing her name from the electoral register, taking her name off bank accounts etc has been so hard. I work myself into doing it, then when I try and tell the person on the other end of the phone what I am here to do, i start crying and hang up, as I can't do it.

Then there are notes / prescriptions lying in the house that I know shredding is the right thing, but I can't do it, and land up crying for hours and going to bed.

Even bed is difficult, after 31.5 years of being together (married for 29), I cannot get used to her half of the bed being cold. Or missing the cuddles and tickles we shared every night.

Be kind to yourself, I know for me this has been such a change, and yes life is crap.

I have a feeling its going to be crap forever.

Hi Charlie2828,

Thank you for sharing, I was beginning to think i was just me who bought things and threw them away without opening them.

Bread, milk, and ham are the worst here.

I dread the postie coming every day.

We all need friends like that.

Hugs to all xx

I'm sorry for your loss. 

This group is great, it helps me feel a little bit normal, coz we are all on different paths but going through similar things.

Take care

Love and hugs

That’s a lovely thing to do, like you I would love a small dog but I get too attached to them and would hate my heart to be broken again, please let me know how you get on as I am really interested. I told a wee white lie to my consultant at my hospital appointment today, she knows us both well and always asks after him. She asked how our holiday went and I said we had a lovely time. I could not tell her he had passed away, I would have broken down, I can’t do that. Maybe on the next appointment I will be ready to tell her. Xx 

Thank you, I have tried a few places for counselling and none seem to really get "it".

To read the experiences of others on here has helped, as everyone seems to get "it".

Take care too

Love

G

Charlie can you email her?
I was due to see my oncologist the week we got the final diagnosis. 
I emailed her to postpone until after my beautiful Valen’s treatment started and she sent us a lovely letter.
As you know he went before he started and my appointment is now coming up.
I emailed her the news of his going as firstly she has known us for 6 years and secondly so that when I see her she will be forewarned.

Charlie & Mrs VT.

They make great companions and love you unconditionally. I'm so pleased I have my `wee man` he's 11 years old so I don't know how long he will go for but i'll have him until he goes I know that. Border terriers I'm told can live to good age so here's hoping. He's mainly all I have of Jay for the fact he was his dog. Sometimes he still thinks he is a puppy instead of a `wee old man` and thinks he's a `Rottweiler` when the front door goes. We had a German Shepherd as well as `Jack` but we had to put him to sleep 4 years ago due to old age he was 13 years old and his whole hind quarters just collapsed and the vet says there was nothing that could be done so just had to let him go. Yes dogs bring you joy and hope you manage to get one to suit. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

That’s a good idea, I don’t know why I’m finding it so difficult to tell people, it was so hard the first few weeks having to do it with banks etc, I usually started ok then came off and broke down. My consultant is lovely but I know she is really busy. They took loads of bloods, I just hope everything is ok as I couldn’t face anything being wrong just now. Couldn’t fight it either. I have a blood cancer but had treatment and on watch and wait as it came back a month after treatment. Apart from the pain of grieving,  i feel ok so not too worried. Xx

Hello irq74,

this forum is brilliant for sharing, venting, advice, compassion, despairing together. 
I have found it therapeutic to write my feelings and experiences on here. 

I have found that when I’ve spoken to people on the phone or in person they have for most part been pretty patient with the crying woman at the other end / in front of them. 
One of the best I have been forced to deal with was surprisingly a young man in his very early 20s in Santander. He was not phased by my weeping, just waited quietly for me to gulp out why I was there. He guided me through closing Valen’s solo account, moving money, checking his credit card etc. He spoke to the bereavement department for me. 
I sent him a little note of thanks.

The worst was trying to close his Iceland bonus card. 
Scuse’ my French but they were a bloody nightmare. 
After sending me 3 emails asking for more and more info they wanted a probate letter! 
To close a bloody loyalty card!! 
Just cut it up, which is what I should have done in the first place.

Sending you gentle hug x