Just having a moment

Hi Sad1 welcome to the forum and I so very sorry to hear of your husbands death. I am particularly sad to hear how sad that you are feeling bit it maybe isn't too surprising. It's OK to have sad days and days where you cry and that's OK.. I don't know what to say except to send you some huge big hugs and let you know I'm thinking of you. Xxxx

Hi Sad1, is this our new normal now?  I actually had a visitor today, they brought me some kindling for my fire which was very thoughtful, it took me three goes to get their tea correct, 5 tea bags later I finally done it. My milk was off as well, I only have lacto free milk but I need to stop buying the normal milk as this is the second bottle to go down the drain.i just can’t get used to this, I forced myself to go to this wee group in the church, I just wished it was over, I’m not ready for this. Then someone I didn’t know came up and said how sorry she was to hear of my husbands sudden death. I held it together which I was proud of. The person that invited me to it was lovely and everyone was so friendly but now that I’m back home I’m so sad again, no one to talk to, I miss him so much, my hair is getting very thin, I’ve found myself pulling it out and I really have to stop this as I don’t have thick hair. Maybe a nervy thing. I have a hospital appointment tomorrow and I just hope my consultant doesn’t ask me how my husband is, that could be very bad for me if she does. Also hope my bloods are ok, I had cancer a few years ago, could not cope if anything was wrong. One step at a time, the least wee thing that goes wrong upsets me atm.i keep getting these letters from Social Security asking me to phone them or they will close his benefit. No idea what benefit they are talking about, I don’t get any benefits. I hate opening Mail just now, it’s always bad news. Take care, you are not alone and hopefully we will get through this horrible time in our lives xx

Thinking of you 

Hugs xxx

Hi!

This I think hits us all in waves. I too still have days like yours. I will have a little cry- if you could call it that it's more like a `trickle` but once it has happened I feel that bit better. I still get marketing emails for my husband he was never one for emails/internet etc so always used my emails for correspondence for things like that. I think the time of year makes this all so prominent too with the shorter days and longer darker nights. I usually like this time of the year but since my husband passed last June (2023) I am just so aware of it now. He would be stressing just now how he was going to do his Christmas dinner etc. He was never one for Christmas- a bit `bah humbug` with that but the irony was that he loved doing his Christmas dinner. That was his thing as he loved cooking. I just sit and think sometimes of everything we had together and how it all seems to be gone and this makes me really sad and then some days I look at what I have managed to do so far without him and it lifts me a little when I see what I have done and what I still have. I have a roof over my head which is the main thing as I am mortgage free so could be worse there and I have a car which I own and I can still get out and about little things like this I see as achievements. I wish you well in moving forward and just to say that we all go through this in some way and you are not alone. Best Wishes. 

Vicky x

Sad1, 

my hair comes out like it’s held in by goodwill alone!
After every shower or just brushing my hair, I’m surprised there’s any more to come out!! 
It doesn’t show, doesn’t look thinned out, it just amazes me how much I loose.

Today was up and down. 
As new normal. 
Met a work friend for first time this morning and I was able to tell her all that happened. 
From when he had his 1st all clear scan in May to the “You have 3 to 6 months” talk in August. 
Through the avoidable stress of chasing treatment to his last 4 weeks with. 
I was even able to tell her about his last few hours. 
And all the bloody stuff to do, all the sadmin after.

She was amazing. 
Held me. Cried with me. Listened to me.

Then she pointed out that for the last 20 minutes we were talking a robin was sat in rather bushes watching and listening to us. She took a photo which was lovely.

When I got home I had to pack up his work computer stuff for collection tomorrow. 
They are dropping off his work locker stuff. Apparently 3 boxes. 
Will leave that to go through when I have someone with me.

I am having a “sorry me” day every day. 
And that’s not wrong.

Hugs everyone xx

Hi, sounds like a positive day MrsVt, it’s good to talk to someone lovely about the little robin, I keep watching for one but nothing yet, no signs at all, I have a busy day today, I have two buses to get to a hospital appointment then another two to stay the night with my daughter. It’s strange I want to get out the house but when I’m away I want back. I can’t drive just now because everytime I go in the car I seem to just cry and I’m not concentrating on the road plus I can’t drive in the dark, no street lights in country roads. I’ve had a few days off looking at his wardrobe etc but need to keep ploughing on with that. Everything is such an effort. Today my focus is sorting out the energy company again in changing the account so that I can continue to pay it, they have now changed the name of the account after sending death certificates to them but not changing bank details.etc. I hope I don’t get them reading the computer bit of I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sick of these. Take care xx

Hello again Charlie!

Yes the changing over of everything bank accounts, insurances etc will keep you going for a while I found it `useful` as it meant I was doing something and took my mind off the road ahead slightly for a little while. I still find it hard to leave the house from time to time but once I'm out I'm fine it's just coming back to the empty house again that gets me sometimes although when I say that it's not really empty I have a little dog a border terrier and I'm so glad I have him when I come back from somewhere what a welcome I get when I come in the door. He was Jay's (my husband) dog a Christmas present 11 years ago from my son and I to him. When he was in his final days at the hospital I asked if I could take the dog in to see him as he was missing him terribly and they agreed but the weekend I arranged to take him in Jay passed so never got to see `Jack` before he did. He missed Jay so much at the beginning sometimes sitting or lying out in the hall waiting for him to come in but think he's over it now. He sleeps up on my bed at night time too has his own bed but prefers mine. Everyone grieves differently some get over it quicker than others and some just learn to live with it. You don't say how far on you are but sounds quite recent so still early days for you. I am somewhere in the middle I think. I'm just over 16 months in from losing Jay to bowel cancer but it's sort of I accept he has gone but at the same time still can't believe he's gone? I just hope eventually that I will come to a realisation that he is gone and move forward though I have tried to start be it slowly. My best wishes to you again moving forward. Take Care. 

Vicky x

I’m only a month in now, still very raw, but at least I sorted out my energy company problem which I am so pleased about. I looked after my daughter’s wee dog on week 2 and she helped me tremendously, she was a great source of comfort, I slept in the couch for weeks and she slept at my feet. When I got upset she sensed it and came jumping up to me kicking my face, dogs can certainly tell somthing is wrong. I’m glad you have your wee dog. Maybe it’s somthing I should think about getting a wee dog. When the dog went home my daughter said she missed me a lot, had wee accidents in her bed that she didn’t have before. I think she thought she was looking after me which she did. Best wishes to you as well, take care xx

I am actively looking for a dog to rehome!

My sister is taking me too The Dogs Trust tomorrow. 
They have “matched” to a lovely looking and sounding dog. 
But she is already 11 yrs and probably only 3ish years to go. 
Not sure if I could face it when she goes so soon.

Another potential at Woodgreen has a skin allergy and my sister says (from experience) that this could become expensive. 

I will be sensible and not rush in. 
But I would like one soon.

Its something my beautiful Valen and I had discussed and he expressly told me to get one for us.

Fingers crossed I don5 have to wait to long!

Never apologise for your pain, we all understand. I can’t face going on my husband’s laptop yet. I need to, as there are various policies saved on it. I went to an art therapy session today at St Barnabas. I started crying when I said that I didn’t feel lonely, but alone. I don’t want to do things without my darling husband. I just want him. Why does the loss have to be so devastating ? I have just had a new book delivered called, ‘Healing the Broken Heart” A Beacon of Hope for the Bereaved. I shall read it tonight in bed with my fluffy hot water bottle for company. Sending Love and Hugs. Xxx