Just having a moment

I think it’s a Saturday and Sunday feeling that’s bad for me. Tomorrow is the start of another week. My sister phoned me  and invited me to come  and stay with her next weekend so that will get me out this house. Then my friend from Ireland phoned and we chatted with a glass of wine in our hands for about an hour, talking about my husband, crying and it was just what I needed. Next week can’t be as bad as this one (I hope).  Please be good to us this week. Hugs to all xxx

Yes I can identify with loads of posts on here, it must be the grieving process which is horrific. I wish I could fast forward life just now, I don’t like life at the moment. Take care xx

Yep, that’s me today. Yesterday I mean seems as it 2am!

Pushed myself to get ready to go for a walk then stood in the doorway for 10 minutes arguing with myself. Maybe I should just try and read. No! Go for a walk. 
Top of the road decided to walk along the prom. Then just round the corner. No, I heard him say. It’s a lovely day, go to the prom.

On the way home stopped in to have coffee with mum. 
Than sat and got annoyed. Then heard him say “give her a break, she’s grieving as well”.

Home. I’ll call my sister. No I won’t. Yes I will. 

A day when I couldn’t make a decision without a long talk with myself!

Agreed! I’m always answering a variant of the truth I like your response to the question; I might try and use that one too - Thankyou

Sorry to hear this Sad1. I get it though. I havent been able to look at her phone or email, I just dont have the heart or strength for it.

I spotted some new cutlery that I liked in the supermarket, which I bought. I took them home and when emptying the drawer of the cutlery we have used for years, i started crying. That was on Sunday and I dont think I have stopped since.

Life surely is crap, and I dont want to play this game anymore.

My kids, grandkids, and family tell me they love me, which I am sure is true (I know it is) but its not the same, and it never will be again

Gordie

I am there with you. Its good, as it makes how I feel "normal", as in its not just me.

I feel so sorry for you all, having to feel the way I do.

All I seem to be able to do is cry, sleep, and feed the cat. I keep trying to tell myself that "at least I am doing something", but the house is a mess, and Jan would not have coped with it. There are dishes from the weekend on the drainer, the ones since the weekend are sitting waiting to be washed.

I know I am not, but I feel so helpless, useless, and alone.

And what I want, what would sort me out, I can't have.....

Gordie

Oh Gordie, it’s so unfair what we are having to go through. I don’t think I even had any dishes for the first few weeks as I lived off Jaffa  cakes. I’m going to my sisters for the weekend as I honestly can’t stand being in the house anymore. I spend half my days travelling on buses just to get out. I’m being forced to tidy my house as my lawyer wants the house valued and he is coming out on Monday. I feel my life is not my own anymore, I’ve got such a lot of legal stuff to deal with and I just can’t stand it. It’s too much for me to cope with on top of my grieving process. Walking into a shopping mall today with Christmas carols blasting out all over the place almost had me going, looking at couples walking hand in hand and everyone cheery makes the tears start. What I didn’t need was two people on seat behind me on the bus talking about someone with cancer, I had to listen to the long story till the person died. Every day is very trying for me. Somthing happens every day, I must be due some good days now. Sending hugs, take care xx

Hi Charlie,

Jan died on the 6th October, and for the first few weeks I lived on tea, crisps, and various biscuits. Not ideal as a diabetic, but I just didnt care. And still dont really care about me. I, as most people one here have, lost the most important person to me, the woman I loved, my soul mate and my best friend.

Seeing other people hold hands and kiss doesnt seem to get me at the time. Its when I am home alone that it gets to me, no kisses, no hand holding, no cuddles. just emptiness.

I am the opposite from you, I dont want to go out. I dont want to see people, and I dont want people telling me it will be OK, because I dont think it every will. It may get better, but its not going to be OK in the old sense.

I have done some legal stuff, but cant face it at the moment. My solicitor has been really good, and tells me that there is no rush. Conversations with her are normally conducted with a lot of crying (mine, not hers).

I did see an advert for Cancer Research UK, where they said someone gets diagnosed every 2 mins (720 per day), and how they were working on developing new methods of treatment.

I landed up howling at the TV, swearing and shouting at a TV ad, because they couldnt help Jan. And that now sounds wrong, I know they do their best, as all do in the cancer field.

I too want a good day, just one would be nice. I am sick of being without her, sick of being sad, sick of being alone.

I hope you get a good day soon.

Hugs back at ya, take care of yourself xxx

It is so bloody hard, isn’t it ? Other people try to understand, but they just can’t. It is deeply personal, and I don’t like sharing that part of me with other people. The pain is like no other, and at times I feel like my soul has been broken. I also retreat into myself, and drive out of our village to get petrol and walk the dog so I don’t have to ‘chat’ to neighbours, etc. I don’t bloody care. I feel like a wounded animal that is mourning its mate. We were together forty years and I need time. It will be four months on Sunday since my beautiful Paul passed. The best analogy of the grief process, that is helping is, ‘That you learn to live with it’. Whilst that is not inspiring, I am starting to feel more hope. Our son bought some roses for me today, and I cried because they were the ones we decided on for the funeral. Beautiful pink, cream and red ones. I am sending you hugs and cuddles, as I am sure you are missing them. Kate. Xxx

My husband died on the 5th October, I cry when I have to go back home, I can’t sleep, keep waking up every hour. I did eat a baked potato tonight so that was an improvement, and I had to wash one plate. It’s the 999 advert that makes me angry, the one that comes on every time I turn the tv on as I can’t stand the silence in the house. “Is the patient breathing” that was me 6 weeks ago and I screamed No! I wish I could block it but I can’t, that morning haunts me as I did CPR on him and it didn’t work. I can’t ask for help and know it might be good for me but I will have to cope myself and work through it. It must get better soon Gordie. Hang in there, baby steps, maybe you could try and go out just for 5 minutes and maybe I could try and stay in for a day. I go for a coffee well away from where I live, I must be due a few free coffees in Costa at the rate I buy them. Take care xx