I’m heartbroken

I have had a horrible day too. I can’t stop crying, and feel like I am wading through treacle. I have so much that needs sorting, but I just can’t be b…..y bothered. Sod it. I am going to bed with my hot water bottle now. I will try some ‘mindfulness breathing’ exercises that I have found on the Sue Ryder website. I can’t seem to get the b…..y grief under control. I also keep getting palpitations, and my chest aches with the blubbing. 

Kate,

everything you have written resonates.

The treacle. Feels like I take a baby step forwards by not crying for at least 4 hours or can watch tv no problem. 
Then try to go buy some milk and have a panic attack.

Go and watch a ballet and lose myself. 
Then see that Dads Army is on (a favourite) and that’s me gone again.

My head aches from the crying and tiredness and trying to sort things out.

I get the palpitations / panic attacks out and at home.

But then he went through far far far worse with dignity and bravery.  
Surely I can cope with a panic attack.

Not looked at it yet but will check out the Sue Ryder site.

Sending warm hugs to you all x

Totally get the Dad's Army distress.  We used to watch Porridge together and I loved it but now I just can't bear it.  so many things that used to be a joy are now ruined and a torture.  I also feel I am getting palpitations and am not in control.  Got through the registration today which is a relief.  sometimes i get so angry with myself for how badly i feel i am coping as however much i cry or panic it makes no difference i can't get him back it is just so heartbreaking.  i just don't know how we can get through this apart from supporting one another and understanding how unbearable this is.  one day at a time i suppose and just keep going and trying and hoping things become more bearable?  is that the best we can hope for?  how is this even happening to us all.  

Hi Charlie, really hope you had your lunch with your friend today and got some comfort from it.  Been thinking of you x

My first hurdle was at the bus stop, this woman kept talking to me about the weather and she seemed to keep coming closer to me. I didn’t realise this before but exactly across from the bus stop is the funeral parlour and my husbands name is in the window. I couldn’t stop staring across the road, tears were starting but alas the bus came and jumped on it and didn’t sit with the woman that was prattling away. My friend met me and took me to the golf club and found out that 5 other friends were there as well. It was a very emotional affair, a lot of us were crying and they kept telling me it’s ok to cry which I did a few times. It certainly uplifted my spirits a lot today. But here I am back in an empty house with no one to chat to, I loved watching James Martin on a Saturday morning but I don’t think I will ever watch it again as it was during that prog that he died and all the drama of ambulances, police cars etc happened. Hubby loved any CSI and murder programmes, I can’t even watch any of them now. 

Omg, isn’t this the worst feeling in the world, my heart goes out to you, I can’t even bare to go to bed, have slept on couch every night since he died. Take care,sending hugs xx

Sorry you are having a bad day, it’s the little things that set me off as well. My milk is prob out of date, can’t face gong to buy some, just as well I don’t have visitors. My head has been permanently sore since this nightmare started. I don’t  even know if painkillers would help.

i did manage to eat a little lunch and I only got a small portion.  You know you can keep posting on here, we are here for each other, I’m really hoping this pain starts easing off but certainly not happening yet. Take care Mrs VT

Hi, so much to sort out, I honestly don’t know how I got through it, I tried to do one each day but sometimes it took all morning to find birth certificates, marriage certificates etc., I had everything filed but my brain just could not find them. I posted the last forms away this morning, it had to go recorded delivery with a lot of documents in it, it has really drained me doing all this by myself, but I could not let anyone else do it. Everyone wants this stuff urgently but I can honestly say I do feel a tad better having done it but it wasn’t easy. Do it at your own pace, you will get there. Take care xx

We have recorded programmes we were going to binge watch. Vera and Cadfael.
Programme series half way through. I may never find out who won the last Alone.
We were looking forward to the final series of CSI Vegas.

We always listened to Suffolk Sound on a Saturday morning and competed to see whose text was read out first. Not had it on since.

I went for a walk along the seafront and sat on a bench to try and lose myself in the sound of the waves. But it just made me incredibly sad he wouldn’t hear them again and I don’t want to without him.

So man6 things I don’t want to see / hear / taste again.

I can honestly tell my family and friends I stuffed myself tonight!

The dont need to know it was a multipack of orange Club bars do they