Are you ok, how you doing?

Hi Vicky, lovely to hear from you. I only got three hours last night with nasty dreams, and generally unsettled sleep. So I got up at 2am, and have stayed up since. Our son is a bit of a night owl, so that helps as we can chat. My husband passed on the 4th August from kidney cancer, so I am not that far into the joys of widowhood. We would have been married 36 years this December, and the grief at times is shocking. Paul my husband was diagnosed in March, and gone by August. To be honest, I am pleased it was a shorter timescale, as he was suffering badly. Myself, son and daughter cared for him at home, up to the last three days. Then I managed to get him into St Barnabas Hospice. There were only eight beds for four hundred people !!! I gave myself a big kick up the backside this morning and have got through loads of boring paperwork, gone out for lunch with our daughter, and some light gardening. We live in a village, and it is difficult to escape the well meaning, but intense conversations neighbours seem to want to have. As I am in the ‘F… it’ week, I said “I don’t want to talk about it’, and walked off. That’s your fault. Take Care. 

Kate. X

That's amazing,  well done you for telling people you 'don't wanna talk about it'. Hope it made you feel in control of that brief moment 

Love and hugs xx

Yes, it did and I shall be doing it more often. 

Hello all of you out there ! I have been following this post and found it very "appealing " or relevant I suppose, to how we manage. This How are you question. I live in a smallish village in France and have done for 24 years now. Barry died after many years of ulcers on the legs and throat Cancer . This was two years and four months ago and I have been struggling to survive. The first year certainly was full of practical and administrative things and setting everything in place for me. We had no children but Barry had two from his previous marriage. There were problems with his son, but now I hear from no one. This is fine as the proper legal paperwork had been done about the house from the start. It is mine now. The second year has been different, works on the house, repainting and making it my little nest ! My little cat ,Missy for company. When people ask me now how I am, I know who the ones now that will listen. There are few. Maybe it is a human response that we just need to talk about ourselves to keep from facing the reality it might be them next who is widowed ? Only those who have been through it understand us. One widow I do know here lost her son last year. Even though he was in his 50's, she felt it more acutely than even her husband then her elderly mother who died a few years ago too.Most people don't understand the huge effort it is each day to get up, to put a brave face" on and cope with things. So when they say Ca va ? nonchalantly, the work behind it all is enormous, which is why we are pretty much exhausted!! I try to have a little focus each day. Today, I am going to write my blog, Fifi's stories from rural France. I write monthly and found it very therapeutic about the highs and lows of living in rural France. www.glasgowwestend.co.uk 

On a personal note I got a quilt made from Barry's clothes and mixed them with some of mine. Cosy for the winter and a covering of love . I miss him all the time. Take care and we'll get there. Baby steps are ok... Hugs to all.

Love the idea of a quilt made from both your clothing. Great idea. 

It's so hard, for me it will be 2 months on Tuesday...... how can it be two months? It feels like yesterday and years all at the same time.

I'm really trying to take people up on their offers of having coffee, doing things. But sometimes, I really don't want to do people.

I just wanna curl up in bed and stay there...... forever!

My cats make sure I don't! 

I hurt so much inside. No one I know, really knows how this feels. They try.

I think I will need to try counselling/groups, just to talk to people, who do understand.

Love and hugs to you all xx

Hi there, I know. It is so so painful. I had to get out today, as I knew I was going to have a dip. I went to a beach locally, where we used to walk our border collie. As I was walking the dog, I felt my throat closing up, and the tears started. I am heartbroken, and I don’t know how I will ever feel happy again. It is so hard. I am thinking of you. Hugs and Cuddles, Kate. Xxx

I'm dreading these long winter days and dark nights.

I've managed to make my mum promise to do a low key Christmas..... she loves Christmas and buying stuff, but I don't even want to do Christmas, guess that's mean of me but I think she gets it. 

I'm ok at work, I think I'm in denial and I just feel like Aidan is still in hospital, and I can talk about his journey, most of the time with my clients, and they are lovely.

Guess we'll get there, sometimes I don't want to

Xx

I know what you mean. A couple of weeks ago, I knew I couldn’t do Christmas at home. We are going to Lanzarote for five nights on the 20th December. There is no way I can be at home this year. We are only eight weeks into our loss. I cannot face it. I think it would probably finish me off. Xxx

That's a great thing to be able to do.

Make new Christmas memories in a new place.

Take care lovely xx

Early night for me. Night night. Xxx