Are you ok, how you doing?

You will get there. The crying could just be the grief coming out. It's the same with me. Today was an example. I had my little granddaughter for a sleepover last night her mum and dad were away out for the night last night. It got sprung on me my son phoned and asked if I could take her for the night and that they had been invited to a house party mucked up my Saturday night a little bit but just glad to have her. After I took her home today I came back and just sat down and felt really sad but I'm fine now. These still come in little waves now and again. I think it's still realising you are coming back to an empty house. I'll get there though I keep telling myself and I'm sure you will too. Take Care. 

Vicky xx

That's my fault for inventing the the F***k It weeks!! Oh dear hope I've not created a monster. Yes some people do want to moan at such trivial things sometimes I now notice and you just feel like you want to tell them to `F` off! and don't realise they can still be able to do certain things whereas for us who have just become widows I feel we have lost everything all our plans we had with our partners/husbands etc all gone. Just seems so unfair sometimes. Yes you take care too. 

Vicky xx

Yes I find myself actually reacting to what people say now before I wouldn't and would `hide behind Jay` but I now realise that I need to stand up for myself because no one will do it for me and feel in a way over the last 15 months I have `grown` that way. I've also become really cautious of things and have think really hard if I want to take on any kind of commitment because if things go wrong and I make a pigs ear of something I only have myself to blame. Jay and I would make decisions between us be it a big commitment into buying something expensive or home improvements so it's all down to me now. I'm of the saying `if in doubt don't` but anything I have done on my own so far has went ok (touch wood). I wish you all well moving forward. 

Vicky xx

This is my 2nd year of going into winter. I got through my first one ok last year think I was just on autopilot though and still trying to come to terms with losing Jay. My first Christmas without him last year was very low-key just my sister and me. We were invited over to my son's though for Christmas lunch which I thought would only be sandwiches etc but turned out to be a full dinner so what I had planned for Christmas dinner became Boxing Day dinner. 

The winter months don't really bother me. I like you can just cosy up in your Pjs and just sit and watch rubbish TV at night. You hardly see anyone through the autumn/ winter months too as the days are so short so you don't have to exchange `pleasanteries` with neighbours etc and just keep to yourself. So much more prominent now though now that Jay is not here. We would have our little winter routines as what we do, what programmes we would watch on TV etc feels so strange watching them now on my own most of my TV viewing will consist of trying to find a good movie to watch on Amazon etc. Wish you well.

Vicky x

Always thinking of you my fellow Scottish Person. x

Hello Vicky, Thinking of you too ! Thanks for that.

Yes, the empty house to come back to ? I leave the radio on sometimes and thank God for Missy who is waiting.. not just for feeding !!!!!!!

Had a few tears myself recently too, so it will be I suppose. We loved them so much.

Our, keep your pecker up as my mum used to say.

Love Fifi.

Thank You Fifi!

Yes when I go out I leave the TV on for `Jack` he used to have separation issues when Jay was here I think because we had to put our other dog `Max` to sleep 4 years ago but since Jay has been gone sometimes it is a bit more prominent now but he is getting better. He knows I'm coming back but leaving the TV on is a little bit of reassurance for him. I usually leave cartoons on for him `Alvin & The Chipmunks` etc but I think he just sleeps most of the time. Take Care xx

Love it Vicky, the idea of the dog watching the cartoons. Well why not ? I am having a positive time at the moment. Might not last though !!!!! 

Take care xxxxx Fifi.

Fifi,  If there are dogs on the TV. he's there! He's right up at the screen I think he thinks they're coming into his house and invading his property and he will turn round and look at me and I'll say `well what are you going to do about it`?? and he just sits and whines at the TV and at times tries to attack it can be quite comedic at times.