Constant crying

Hello. I don’t know what to say other than my husband of 40 years died on the 17th June. He had a stroke on the 28th April ‘23, and then they found the bowel cancer. 
I understand your pain. If you think you need to message someone who, perhaps, understands then please do.

Warmest wishes to you.

Hi,

I feel everything you write. My wife died eight months ago of secondary oesophageal cancer. She was only 61, the end was very chaotic, and, like you, I can't get it out of my mind.

As in your case, my wife was the extrovert who got things organized. And, also like you, all my direct family are abroad. So I also feel lost, alone, and terrified for the future. And I am frequently in tears.

NotEatingEnough said:

Is there anyone out there ?

Well yes, there is. Me, for example. And I feel your pain.

Our situation is desperate. But all I know is that we have to carry on. I have often wished that it was me who got ill and died, rather than my wife. That is partly because my wife had already suffered enough - but it also because, selfishly, I didn't want to be the one left behind. However, had that indeed been the case, then I would have both wanted - and expected - my wife to crack on with things thereafter, and to have a productive and enjoyable life. So that's what I tell myself I need to do.

For myself, I have found that talking about what's happened does help me - even if it mostly feels like I am talking at people. I don't have many close friends - and the few that I do have live far away. But I was offered some counselling by the hospice who managed my wife's case, and I found that helpful. (I can't really say exactly why it was helpful, by the way - but the act of talking aloud about what's happened definitely does seem to help me.) So you might consider that.

In addition, physical activity seems to help. There is a temptation to not even get out of bed some days - but I know that I need to avoid succumbing to that temptation.

Please continue to post here. I can assure you that you are not alone.

I send you waves of love, and hope.

All the very best.

I am sorry for your loss. You do not have to be embarrassed about crying, it is good to release your emotions. I to relive the day my husband died, a year ago, and try to put myself in his head knowing that he was dying, and how I would have coped, and the answer is I would have fallen to pieces. Somehow he had the strength to leave me four cards for Anniversary's and my Birthday, how he was able to write them knowing he would not be here I don't know. Take each day at a time. Sadly i cannot say things get better, as a year on I am still struggling enormously. I have counselling which i do find helpful, so that might be something that might help you to. Take care of yourself, and post on here and tell us about your wife as much as you want, I know we did not know her, but we will be happy to here about her. 

Hi

i think we have all felt like this. I’m nearly 9 months down this horrible rollercoaster journey that we don’t want to be on.

I had similar feelings wondering whether I had some kind of PTSD , I too watched my husband of 40 years literally waste away before me from not eating the last few weeks.

I’m not sure I can really help you other than say apart from the occasional flashback I now think more of my husband pre cancer than them last few weeks. I did take some advice from one of these forums to try and think of an happy memory every time those horrible images come into your mind.

take care and remember your never alone on here x

Hi,

I can only echo what everyone else has said but please take up any grief counselling offered. It does help. I could not imagine needing counselling before this nightmare started but it has really helped. Like you I am quite isolated and I wanted to talk about my husband,  I wanted to acknowledge that he had been there.

Look after yourself 

Sulubee

Yes. This. I just feel like everyone has forgotten her except me. I know that's not true but I have this unending need to talk about her and I feel like people don't want to hear it. 

I'm so profoundly sad. I have cried more this weekend than ever before. It's exhausting.

I have kept myself busy in the garden and with the horse and washing cars all sorts but I keep silently crying. Not sobbing just endless tears. 

Let the tears come. You will have more than you ever thought possible, the tears are for her and for you. PTSD is unkind, it makes you remember the most recent memories but there was so much more in your life together.

Sending you a virtual hug.

Sulubee 

That is exactly what I do. It is not a religious act, it is an act of remembrance and love. Cathedrals, churches,  shrines even once at a stone circle. Different countries and counties.

It has been just over a year now for me and the tears still come, it still hurts but it is not all consuming now. I am beginning to live again. 

Stay strong 

Sulubee

Hi!

I feel like you too sometimes I feel as though the `how are yous` and `are you ok` have waned slightly and at the same time you feel you can't speak to anyone about your loss as you feel you will be boring or burdening them all the time. I tell people it has been a year and of course I get the sympathetic `is that a year already` and then it's as if the conversation swiftly moves on to something else. This is why I come on these forums they are a great help when you feel you need to speak about what is happening where someone will understand. Best Wishes to you moving forward. 

Vicky