Blogging to help with mental health

I’ve read your blog, it’s so beautifully written, I can relate to so much of it. I can remember walking in the sun early one morning when my partner was barely able to get out of bed thinking he’ll never have the joy of experiencing something as simple as this again.

My partner died on the 2nd December leaving three teenage children. I’m struggling to talk to friends about it, as I feel no one can relate to just how sad it all is. You’ve inspired me to start writing my thoughts down, probably just for me though.

Thanks,  I’m glad you’ve found it useful and it has inspired you to give it go.  Like I said,  it really has been about getting all the feeling and thoughts out of my head, I hope it helps you as much as it has me.

It’s three years four months since I lost my wife now.  Be assured, things do get easier, it just takes time.   My boys were eleven and fifteen at the time and I too found it difficult to talk to friends and family about.  You are right that no one can relate. For me, nothing felt like I expected it to, so it must be even harder for them.   

Hey Wheels!

Enjoyed reading your blog and yes at VLM says I too can relate to a lot of it although I am still in the `early stages` of my loss it's only been 7 months since I lost Jay to bowel cancer but it feels that much longer and you are so right there are `little trivial things` only both of you shared. Like now it's still cold and dark but each evening you can see that little chink of light coming in letting you know spring will be here before we know it. Jay would be saying that, he was the one who always noticed the dark nights getting lighter and would say `it's all uphill to the summer now` he hated the winter months also. I never really noticed it before but it has been so prominent this time as this is me going through my first winter without him and it has felt so long. I usually like the winter months when you can cosy up at home in your PJs but hardly see a soul for a couple of months. I am learning too to adapt to life without him I have a son who lives with his partner and little girl not far from me. My son never seems to talk much about his dad if I mention anything from the past he doesn't really elaborate much on it but I know he will be missing him in his own way. I tried to make the best of Christmas this year as I possibly could put up some decorations and a tree just did not have the inclination to do that last year as Jay was so ill at that time. He was the one who told me that I was the strongest one in our relationship and that I would go on without him although I never felt I could at the time I just wanted him to take me with him. Oddly I like my own company when he was here he worked away a lot so I was on my own anyway most of the time but it's just different now and that this time he won't be home. He was the one who accepted he was on borrowed time and truthfully, I was in denial some of the time that he would be ok. He was at one point and was told he was in remission but only for 5 months until this beast of a disease that is cancer decided it wasn't finished with him and decided it was coming back for him and this time wasn't leaving without him and finally took him on 23rd June 2023.I have been told that the feeling of the loss will never leave me but I will eventually be able to build a life around it for myself and things will begin to ease. I wish you well going forward as with everyone else going through this. Take Care. 

Vicky 

Carl, thank you for the link to your blog.  It is so insightful and very much mirrors the experience that my partner Nic and I went through during his diagnosis and treatment.  The waiting for tests, scans and more agonisingly the results was excruciating and it really bothered me that lots of clinicians knew results sometimes weeks before we did.  One awful part of what we have all been through. 

I'm three years in on Thursday and am dreading the day.  I've achieved a lot in the last three years, but the memories are so real and sometimes it feels like it all happened yesterday.

It was reassuring to read your thoughts and I hope that others find them helpful.

Carl, 

Thank you for allowing us to read what you have written. .. 

You and I lost our partners in the same month/year. Like you I received 'the call' but was not able to be there to hold my husband's hand. I received the phone call too late. I remember rushing straight to the hospice where Mark had been for a week, ringing the bell for access into the room in the early hours of the morning and as she opened the door the nurse telling me that, He (my husband) had obviously been in more pain than she thought, apparently he'd pushed his button to tell her her but when she went back into his room a bit later he had passed away. I so wish she had called me when he told her he was in pain. He never complained so it must have been bad.

Had it not been for the constrictions imposed by COVID, I would have been by his bedside all the time. I am still angry that I could remain at his side for a couple of hours after he had died, but I wasn't allowed the same right when he was dying. COVID and guidelines have much to answer for.

My husband's cancer was diagnosed new year's eve. The outbreak of the pandemic a few weeks later meant proposed treatment never happened as the NHS cancelled treatments... Just 9 months later my husband aged 54, was gone.

Well done Carl for all you have achieved since your wife passed away. Parenting your boys through their grief as well as taking on the challenges of a new career whilst mourning the loss of your beloved. I am sure your wife would be so very proud of you.

I wish you and your family the very best.

Mym 

Hi Carl,

I have read your "Three-years-on ..." blog post, and subsequent ones, and it mirrors my experiences with losing my wife, Lin, in November 2021 to breast cancer that spread to her brain. Instead of writing a blog, I had bereavement counselling for the best part of the 2022 into 2023, which I found really beneficial. I also started to go to a bereavement café provided by a local hospice, and this has been a great help and I have made some lovely new friends, and I have joined a local WayUp group, again meeting some wonderful people who totally understand what I, and all of us, have been through.

Like you, I am feeling a bit more positive this year, but it is still a tough journey without our soulmates to share things with and guide us.

Wishing you all the best going forward,

Derek

My partner also passed away on 2nd December from brain cancer was diagnosed in September and wasn’t long before he was bed bound it was dreadful. I went back to work on Monday which was really hard but I did it and was proud of myself. Still came home and had a cry because he used to be waiting for me after work with a kiss and a cuppa

Hello 

I have just read your blog and found it both humbling as well as inspiring. Well written with heartfelt emotions that we all understand so well here. So glad you are enjoying your new career too. Beth would have been very proud of you ! 

Take care 

It’s still very new for us isn’t it? How did you find work? I’m going back on the 19th after nearly two years off caring for my partner. I have mixed feelings about returning, it’s gonna be like a new job with a lot of new faces.

I had a meeting with my boss the weekend before. He was so supportive sent me home with a beautiful rose bush and a fruit cake. He said if I wanted to go home I could just let him know. It was hard I can’t lie but I was so busy it went really quick. The hardest part was coming home where my partner was always waiting with a kiss and a cuppa. It is ok to cry and let your grief out don’t keep it bottled up. I was proud of myself for getting through a week. I’m just taking one day at a time and I’m hoping with time it will get a little easier xx