I just wasn't prepared!

Claireh and Chelseabluegirl,

I too have gone with the photos all around the house. I've a mix: individual, the two of us, children, and family. Likewise, not to create a shrine but to remind me of the beautiful smile. In some of the ones, we are both in, even I'm smiling. That never came easy! 

I like to look at them and remember the great times. I do sometimes have a wee tear in my eyes when I look and speak to them but they do help being up on the walls.

Take care,

WDJ

And how our emotions can change every minute of any day.

Today I came home, looked at the pictures, cried, and thought is this the right thing to do? They are all over the place. I felt so bad even thinking should I have them there.

It's just horrendous.

Take care,

WDJ

hi, I remember being at 6 weeks, horrendous, I feel for you.  I have a journal which I bought on Amazon, called Letters to my husband in Heaven.  I used to write to him a lot, now its when I’m feeling I need to, when I look back I can see how well ai have origressed in my new life, I don’t rant so much 

Sorry never finished.  The journal really helped me.  I have a few photos around of us and have his ashes in a beautiful stone heart. 

My daughter hates to see the heart so when she is coming he has to go in the cupboard (I always say dirty )

It does get better. it’s just getting used to a new life that we didn’t think would happen for at least another 29/30 years.

Take care

Thank you Chelseabluegirl, I have started my journal and write to Andy everyday, often asking what he thinks about something too.
I talk to him everyday, i have the photo everywhere and we have a large canvas picture of us both on the stairs so I say nite nite and morning everyday. One of my dogs lays on the landing just starting at it, sure he thinks Dad is coming back, as do I.

I don't have Andy's ashes yet, I have asked the funeral directors to hang on to them until i decide what he would want me to do with them - originally and in our Wills we have that we will be scattered back in Nottingham where my late Dad is, but we moved to rural Wales so i feel I need him close. Not sure  could have jewellery made either as that feels a little like splitting him up!

Andy was only 53 and I'm only 52, I can't see a future at the moment without him and the thought of maybe another 30 odd years without him rips me apart daily.

xxxx

hi, I didn’t actually collect Robs ashes for almost a year and like you wasn’t keen on splitting him up but have booked to take part of him to Spain in May to scatter.

Rob was 54 although i’m older i understand what you mean but all I can say it does get easier but our life’s will never be the same again.

X

Hi Claireh

1. We are moving along on the same track as your Andy died on Oct 4th and Juan Luis on Oct 3rd. I read everyone goes on their own grief journey but I can see time line wise we are pretty aligned. I got the Megan Devine book you mentioned. So far the most useful is to write a diary and . I used to write a diary all my youthful life and stopped once I met my husband A few weeks ago I read a snippet of Alan Rickmans diary andgot inspired to start again. So just before my husband died. I was writing again . 

• . I am back to work so can be 100% managing my team, getting results, all very nice thank you,
• Back in England, back in Spain,  32 years, together, every day wanting to keep his memory alive and be a better person following his example.
• He was such a kind loving person, our kids have been robbed. Will try to aim high as he was sky high as the best family guy and friends to all
• Sorry to go on. Will continue in my diary 

We haven't done anything with the ashes yet either. I have them. But no plan. 

I find the whole thing with the ashes to be one of  the hardest things if I'm honest.

I thought I knew exactly the thing to do and the place they'd be scattered. But can I let them go? Not at all.

I just can't let them go for now.

WDJ

I did nothing with the ashes for a year. On the 1st anniversary I scattered them, near his football ground. I kept some back and have had jewellery made. 

There's no one way though, that's just what I did. 

Hope that this weekend is as good as it can be