First anniversary looming

Hi,

It was something Lin and I had planned to do when I retired and I decided to get it done in her memory, as I know she would of wanted me to carry on with everything we had planned for the house. I've also got a single story extension currently at the planning stage with the local authority. It's a garage, utility room and extended kitchen, and again it was what we had planned to do. So I have plenty to occupy me going forward but am sad that we couldn't do it together.

Take care,

Derek

There seem to be a few of us in this forum in our 50s. 

There is never a good time, far from it, but I certainly wasn't working all the hours I did in my 30s and 40s anticipating being a widower at 51! Work hard, plan for your retirement and have a happy old age was, and still seems to be, the message. Well that's not the case! I really wanted to swear there! 

WDJ

Very true WDJ, although I’m a little older at 65 the points you make still very much apply.

My psychologist asked me to make a list of my genuine “wants” and not “needs”, the latter is things like shopping, mowing the lawn, etc… Wants being things that are not a necessity but things you want to do for you like a holiday, climb Mount Everest , etc….

well I’ve tried and simple fact is I’m struggling to get past one and that is - I want to be with Sharon, my one and only true love ! Adventures, holiday, etc… yes would be nice but I want to do them with the love of my life not on my own.

12 months on and my mind is much the same, I have people around me very supportive brother, friends, etc… and we do things together. I do these things yes but all the time in my mind I know I would be much happier if Sharon was with me !

I just don’t know what or how I will ever change this mind set !

best wishes

Paul

I know we are all reading this and trying to find some words of wisdom to make it better,all I can say is we have to dig deep be strong and hope the pain gets better,we can kick and scream but this is what we have been dealt, just know your not alone with this Paul x

I met with a friend of many years lately and we discussed much between us. I know that my wife would want me to live my life, as I would her if it was the other way around. He told me that because of what I've gone through it made them discuss their lives. I found this interesting.

What to I need? Nothing. I've had the most wonderful relationship for more than half my life that some others can only dream of. I remember our first fateful meeting as if it were today. The memories are mine and they are just fantastic. Not many troubles along the way, but there were the odd one or two which we always overcame.

What do I want? Yes, I'd like my life as it was back but we all know that's not happening. I'd just like to get the best out of what remains of mine and never forget about those times which started in 1994.

I'll continue to do my best for myself and family. It's going to be tough for a little while - but I'd don't want to let her down!

WDJ

It just seems so unfair to have been so unknowingly happy, which is what I struggle with we just didn't know how good we were too busy with life to stop and appreciate what we had and now it's all gone,but I'm grateful that I was loved and I loved him,just hope I'm proven wrong and there is an afterlife.

Jayne 64,

Unknowingly happy is a nice, an interesting, way to put things. I just wish I hadn't been so grumpy and pessimistic all these years but then, that is what 'made' me who I am am. I can't have been all that bad for someone to put up with me for nearly thirty years?!

Afterlife? Like you I hope. We will both know some who believe absolutely. I can only hope, but sense my fear that what we have had is it. 

Take care,

WDJ

Mark was calm so chilled you couldn't argue with him,it was so annoying because I was  pessimistic  a stress head you just couldn't push his buttons and I tried but we obviously worked so I'm grateful for that we didn't have many bumps only financial and who cares about that. You take care too.

On a lighter note I would love to have faith in an after life I really do,we were together 28 years but we were both previously married so it would be an awkward meet up bit crowded. 

Exactly. If only we knew what was coming we could’ve done things so differently x