First anniversary looming

It was or would have been my Wedding Anniversary on the st October, i bought him a bunch of flowers, and the last card i ever gave him, went up and the one the  year before he gave me, as he was to ill for the last one..

This Saturday it will be three years since he passed, though our three children will be over and a take a way delivered, we always did that for birthdays and so on, it is not a celebration, it is acknowledging, that this is your family, we are still as one, and i will raise a glass for him. 

Every one has to do what is best for them. So i am not sad as such, he lived, and as long as i live so will he

Do what you have to, and the day will be over before you know it. xx

ellie 73,

I like your comment 'Do what you have to, and the day will be over before you know it.' It provides much thought.

I'm feeling trapped at the moment in regard to work and location. I will be doing what I have to, and want to, in the near future as all of our situations make us realise that all the stresses and strains, of 'normal' life, really are not worth it.

Best wishes,

WDJ

No other way, of putting it, no thought to go in it, you have to do what is best for you and every one is different,

Some thing will suddenly come to you regarding your situation, and then you will go, yes i am.

We have to go forward in certain ways, because all this shall i, what if, in the end makes for me ill, and he would not want that.

Its not easy and the hardest bit is making that descion and putting it in place, three years, i have done everything how he would have, i cannot do that any ore, he is not here, only me, and have to move on and take him with me.in my heart,

Jillybean,

I totally understand how you're feeling. It will be one year since my Lin died in about 5 weeks and, like you, it all seemed to happen so quickly at the end. Although Lin had been diagnosed first with breast cancer in 2007, she went into remission after treatment and all seemed well. It came back in 2016 and we were told there was no cure, only treatment to control it, so we were aware that things were far from good. She coped fairly well until 2020 when it was found to have spread to her brain but, after specialist radiotherapy treatment, she was able to lead a reasonably normal life. In the autumn of 2021 though she had a few falls and had to have whole brain radiotherapy, and was going to start a new drug treatment plan. By now her mobility wasn't great so had to use a wheelchair, but was still enjoying life as much as possible. At the beginning of November she had another fall and was admitted to hospital and, after tests, we were told by a doctor that there was no more that could be done. Although we knew that day would come, we both sat there speechless. Then it all happened so quick, she came home on 9th November and died on the 14th. Those 5 days are just a blur really, and Lin was comatose due to the strength of drugs being given her. I still struggle to get my head round how quickly it all happened. And I so wish she was still here by my side. As you say, the feeling of missing our loved ones doesn't diminish, we just learn to cope better I think.

Take care,

Derek

Hi Derek 

Sounds like you had a real rollercoaster. Dave died in the early hours of Saturday morning - on the Thursday night he was sat eating Chinese with us- but by the next morning he never really came round - we called the hospice team out as he was clearly in pain and they were amazing. I don’t know how we would have got through those last few hours without them. They managed to keep him relatively pain free but he never really came round again. We played him all his favourite music (he was a guitarist) and we sang to him until in the early hours of Saturday morning he took his last breath. 
And now it’s almost a year ago. How has a year gone by without him. 
Take Care 

Jillian 

Hi Jillian,

Yes, it did seem a bit of a rollercoaster ride. I know the drugs meant Lin wasn't suffering so much but I wish I could have just had a few more hours to say how much I loved her and what a wonderful life we had had together. She could still communicate fairly well when she came out of hospital, so the rapid deterioration was quite difficult to take in. I just have to comfort myself that she didn't suffer for months & months like my father did when he had cancer.

Also, in 8 days time it will be the anniversary of when I asked her to marry me, a day I am sort of dreading but on the other hand looking forward to, as it was such a wonderful moment when she said yes.

Yes, how that year has seemed to have flown by. So hard to believe that she has not been with my for that amount of time.

I am currently in the midst of having a new bathroom fitted, so have plenty to occupy me.

Best wishes,

Derek

I’ve been reading everyone’s comments and experiences simply because on 17th October it will be 12 months since my one and only true love took her last breath. At the same time I lost everything I had ever wanted, which was to be truly and genuinely loved. It took me 58 years to find Sharon, after 32 years in a very challenging marriage, Sharon was everything my first wife was not, loving, understanding, supportive, kind, etc..

Everyday I find I’m searching for something to give me purpose in my life but even 12 months on I’m still lost. Now each day the anxiety is growing as the day approaches. On the day I am thankful my older brother, and Sharon’s best friend will go with me to our plot at the crem and then we will go for some lunch together. The crem plot is a lovely spot in a well maintained garden overlooking a large fountain, although I should say that at this point Sharon’s cremains remain at home with me as I cannot face letting her go completely !

Hopefully as others say the day will pass quickly, but I still have moments when I don’t believe the only woman I ever truly loved has gone forever. 

Regards to all.

Paul

I was in your position a few weeks ago,its just awful,we went the crem which is beautifully kept, went for lunch but I just feel numb at the moment,tried being sad,heartbroken and angry,just feel abandoned now,I just want what I had, i wish I was older I really wouldn't care about my future but I'm 58 iv got carry on no bailing out

Hi 

What a coincidence- I had someone out yesterday to draw up plans for a bathroom remodel/refit. 
Maybe it is just something keep us occupied 

Hi

Its hard to imagine all the years looming ahead without our significant others isn’t it. I’m the same - only 53 and while I’m doing a very good job of keeping busy (five grandchildren aged 3 and under) and fooling people into thinking I’m ok, I’m not. At the end of the day they all go home or I come back to an empty house. I just want to share my day with Dave but I can’t.  All the “he’s always there with you “ “he’s in your heart” etc doesn’t help. I want him to be physically here! 
Three days to the anniversary now and I’m just planning on being on my own. Maybe go out for a walk with our pooch and then KFC for tea - not my choice but was one of Daves guilty pleasures