Loss of my partner

I'm glad I joined. I wasn't planning to, but it really helps to know that what I'm going through is not unique. Our experiences are similar in many ways and that is somehow a tiny bit comforting.

Today marks one month since my husband passed. In some ways it feels like this happened yesterday, but other times it feels as though we had been going through this for years. My friend told me this never gets better but it does get different. I will have to wait for that part.

I know what you mean- I’m 12 months in and feel like it was yesterday but also a very long time ago. I’m still waiting for the getting better part. Don’t get me wrong, on the surface I have quite a busy life with friends and family - but that’s all a front. At the end of the day I come home to an empty house and can’t share my day with Dave - and even sometimes in the middle of whatever I’m doing I just want him to be able to turn to him and share the moments. 

SPL,

Does it ever get better? I'm not sure either. A few weeks ago I was told something similar by friends who are much older than I am. They said that others they knew who had gone through this said that, whilst they lived their lives, it was never the same. I know that's the case for me already! I'll keep going, but it will never be the same again.

Take care,

WDJ

Jillybean74,

Similar here. On the surface I'm getting on with it: surviving, not living, is how I would put it. 

Trying to fill my day as best I can and then, from out of nowhere, the tears will flow for a moment.

WDJ

Perhaps the "front" is part of what is so incredibly difficult about all of this. The whole time my husband was in the hospital and undergoing treatment, I put on a front. I acted strong and in front of him I acted happy and as though we were continuing our life. Now, the front is when other people are around, but alone and not being able to share is impossible. 

hi, you are right, does it get better?  Yes it does but it’s a different life now.  14 months down the line and my life has changed dramatically, I don’t do things we did together such as going to watch his beloved football team play, I don’t watch tv programmes we both watched together and I rarely cook meals we both loved.  My driving has improved, i’ve lost a lot of weight and am much more healthier, on good days I’ll go to the gym and I’ve met new friends.

Yes i have bad days but acceptance that Rob isn’t coming back has helped and it’s a case of moving forward as best as I can.  Hopefully i’ve got a lot of years ahead of me still and I intend to get on with life as you never know what’s round the corner.

Glenis 

Hi Sarah

I'm 6 days in. I don't have small children but I do have 2 who have taken his death very badly! Luckily they are both at home so have been my rock, as has our dog whom we only got 3 years ago next month. I literally feel as though someone took the floor out the bottom of my world. People mean so well, but they haven't been here. Today I go register his death and take him some clothes to the funeral director. I already know its going to feel difficult. I'm living on around 4 hours sleep a night and that doesn't come easy. I can't imagine how you are coping with young children too but at least they'll be your focus. My hubby was only 49 and he's known he's had cancer for q8 months so it's been a very quick and frustrating journey. I myself am only 46, we're far too young for this xxx

My son is a gym instructor and I'm joining his gym very soon as , like he said, it's somewhere to go if I need to fill a void. I'm also, like you, changing from things we used to do and I know I'll be a different person as I walk this new path that's been given to me. I much preferred the old path though but now it's one foot in front of the other xx

Hi,

I wanted to say thank you for your message but it feels wrong to write because none of us should be here.

it’s been 8 weeks today that I lost my partner and I’m still struggling so much, on the surface I’m going about my day just concentrating on what I need to do next for my kids benefit but deep down I’m holding on by my fingertips!

like your situation my partner was diagnosed with a brain tumour last august and literally 1 year to the day he passed away, he had just turned 35.

I am still very much in disbelief, how can these things happen?! It’s not a scenario I ever would have even considered a possibility. 
I feel like my future has been robbed from me and I am so angry with the world for making that happen.

My partner was the strongest person you could meet but unfortunately cancer just got the better of him.

I feel like I am living an alternate reality and it feels wrong, I feel so out of place.

The only way I’m getting through it is by just going through the motions of the day, my kids give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning and not crumble under the weight of grief.

I don’t know how I have done 8 weeks without him but I have so maybe I can do every other day that follows.

stay strong and know I am here xx