Loss of my partner

I don’t think I will ever be ready to sort through his stuff.

I just like having the reminder and familiarity.

I had a phone call a few days ago telling me his ashes are ready to collect, they said they can hold them for upto 3 months so whenever I feel ready. When will that be though??? I thought I would want them straight away but I really can’t face it

I've gone somewhere in the middle.

The dresses, blouses, skirts, etc and some footwear went. I was helped by daughter to do this. I have though kept hats, jackets and coats for now. Whatever the reason, they seem to have me hesitating. 

I've got little things dotted around the house and in the car too. They just keep me somehow more balanced in my mind.

Best wishes

WDJ

I've got the ashes at home. I did get them straight away. I'll be honest though, I just burst into tears as soon as I closed the house door behind me.

I was always told to do whatever with them and thought I knew exactly what to do with them and where they were being released. I now have many reservations and simply don't want to let them go. Not for now anyway as I feel that will be finality. I'm not near ready for that!

WDJ

We have a plan for the ashes too but I think that may need to change. 

its so hard to navigate when your in the thick of grief.

hopefully in time you will find peace in your decision and it will be the right one for you

Hi Sarah 

I gave myself a few days once the ashes were ready - I sort of wanted him home but a tube of ashes ? However I did collect them and when I picked them up I was shocked by how heavy it was - I almost dropped him. I had bought a scatter tubes as I knew where Dave wanted to be scattered but I also bought a small one so that part of him would always be in our home. In July of this year around 20 of us went to our special place in the lakes and scattered the ashes. Whist it was a sad day it was also a lovely day of family coming together and scattering Dave in the place we loved in the Lake District. 
All I can say to you is that I was dreading actually collecting the ashes but for me it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I now find it comforting having him home. Do you have someone that you could take with you? I took my mum for moral support.You have time yet so just don’t rush. Maybe once you’ve had a few more days/weeks you’ll fell ready 

Take  Care 

Jillian 

Hi
There’s no rush to decide what to do but if you do want to scatter some you don’t have to do them all. I bought two scatter tubes - one large (for scattering) and a smaller one that I have kept. That way you get the best of both worlds The undertaker put the ashes into the tubes for me 

Jilly thank you for your response, totally agree, need to talk to people who are in the same boat. Dawn died and really a mercy because the last 2.5 years were horrendous, zero quality of life, she couldn't move in bed, her brain had gone and yet the instant she died all I think is how she used to be, well that had gone so I now need to keep reminding myself she needed to go. When I watched the last breath, which I wished for, I wanted her to breath again. "Our pain has has only just begun" YES.

HI Sarah

I'm so sorry for your loss, its not any loss. 

I lost my husband 6 months ago, and I'm happy to tell you that it gets better.

I completely relate to what you're going through. I lost myself, my life completely changed and I felt like I lost control over my entire life and that of my son who is only 2. 

you will have days where you don't want to be a part of this life anymore and anything will trigger your emotions. 

and you will have good days.

Right now, I feel like my past life was all but a dream. you will adapt, you will be ok, just remember to take it one day at a time. 

N

I relate to the feeling of losing your mind. It has only been 3 weeks and I know that it is supposed to get better. Right now, I walk around with a huge lump in my throat. I am somewhat able to contain it when I'm around other people but as soon as I'm alone it bursts.

Yes I know that feeling all too well. I’m a shell of the person I was! 
I just don’t ever see this feeling of being totally and utterly lost ever going