First Holidays

hi well done to you, it’s hard going away for the first time.  I had 2 trips planned after Rob passed away , first with my daughter to Greece for some r&r and the second with my very noisy 2nd family to see their brother who lives in France.

Greece was lovely and Amy and I talked, laughed and cried but was in all a great week and just what we needed.

A week later I was due to go to France, I was packed, booked my seats and taxi to airport and bam out of the blue the tears started and I couldn’t go.  I just couldn’t face it and had to ring my friends and say sorry.  They understood.  I’ve been away 4 more times with friends and family and yes it’s been sad as I know Rob would have loved Antigua but it’s my new life now and i’ve got to get used to it.  

Im def not ready for a singles holiday but who knows next year I might be able to.

I still have one more thing this year to do and that’s to take some of Robs ashes to Spain to scatter and as soon as travel is better that’s the top thing to do.

Take care everybody

Love is eternal 

Well, I am now back 'home'.

I have, as said in other previous posts, seen family, friends, and new and old places. I have enjoyed and I have reflected too.

I came in through the door today, went straight up to the ashes, kissed the top of them and simply burst into tears. Only those here can understand. 

Being away has been good, but difficult at the same time, and I think that we should all do it as soon as we are ready. I, personally, am not sure how long I can now stay in the house for I am already thinking about what else I can do, where I can go, etc. Perhaps I am running but I don't think that I am; I'm just facing the reality and thinking of what WE had together and what we had planned is no longer - except for in my heart and mind. The house is superficial. Truth to be told I sometimes wonder, given all that has happened since we have been here, whether it has has been a bit of a curse. Ridiculous I know. I really have no reason to stay.

A friend has already suggested that perhaps an absolutely new place is the future answer and I think that she may be right even though it has only been three months. There is no right or wrong in the decisions we have to make.

Oh my, what a rollercoaster we have to go through.

Take care,

WDJ

Hi, I'm a few days home and have had time to reflect on things.  It was so so tough to go away alone.  The three hour drives were challenging, but I did them and it was all fine.

I spent most of my time away lying in bed reading, with a brief visit to the seaside on my birthday.  Sounds like a waste of money and time, but it was what I needed to do and I gained a lot from it.

I've decided to go back in October and next time I'm going to make the most of it, visiting new places and making it into an adventure as Nic and I would have done.

I'm so glad that I did it and hope that others can find the strength to take the step to go away alone.

Best wishes to you all.

Thanks it does give me some hope, going to try and persuade my youngest son on a small break , he has social anxiety so difficult for him, we’ll see, glad you fine it, a big achievement 

I've been home for less than a week and feel that I need to get away again.On reflection, being away was not brilliant but I just can't live in this house! I've cleared a few more things out, which were all mine, as part of 'the process'. It's just too damned hard sitting here on the couch watching tv or listening to music. 

WDJ

Hi, I absolutely get this.  I booked another break at the same place a few days after I got home.  I've also been thinking about moving.  I love my home and where I live, but there are too many memories.  I've a lot of stuff to sort out that I wish wasn't here and have been looking at houses many miles away.  I spend a lot of time watching tv or reading.  I've started having the house decorated, but this past week I've just thought what's the point.  Just buy a new build where its all done.  So much to think about.  It's exhausting when you feel horrible all the time.

I hope you get through this particular muddle ok.  We are all here to listen and chat.

Best wishes.

I can understand how you feel. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. I have been reading lots of articles about dealing with grief and loosing your soulmate. The common comment that is made is don’t do things too soon as a quick fix. How soon is soon depends upon the person. I have been away now for 8 weeks and only have 3 more before I have to leave the EU and return back to the UK. That is what I am dreading as I am currently in the place which my wife loved the most. I am sure, whatever you choose will be the right decision for you.

Thanks for your post(s) about going on holiday. I am going away soon for 4 days with my daughter and grandchildren, and I am sort of looking forward to it but wish Lin was with us, she would have absolutely loved being with family. I've taken a big risk as I have booked to stay at a hotel Lin and I stayed at on 2 or 3 holidays; just have to cross my fingers I will be OK. The grandchildren are 4 & 7, so I'm sure they will lift my mood. It still feels like a huge step to take. I'm now 9 months into this journey without Lin and I still miss her so much.

I am about to have a new bathroom fitted and also have started the process of having a single storey extension, which will include a larger and new kitchen, utility room and garage. These are things that we had planned to do together when I retired last year but cancer scuppered that. However I feel I need to do this as I know it is what Lin wanted to do, so I am doing it in her memory. Hopefully when it is all done the house will seem different and will help with dealing with memories the house holds.

Stay strong.

Derek

hi, We had already sold our house as we were planning a new life abroad before Rob was sick.  I’ve got a brand new house, no worries for a few years about decorating or changing things.  Was def the best for me.  Couple of neighbours are also widows and we socialize which is great, we all know how this group understands what we are going through.

First holiday now done and I thought I coped quite well whilst away but since I have returned home I feel really sad and lonely. Back to those mornings of waking up with a knot in my stomach without my LIn beside me. I have had one or two tearful days as well. Did anyone else feel more lonely and sad after their first holiday? Just have to keep looking forward and take each day as it comes but I miss her so much.

We have to try and stay strong but it's so hard.

Thanks & best wishes,

Derek