First Holidays

Hello

its a very brave thing to do, I hope one day I can manage the same. I assume I would have to prepare some coping strategies, in case things get too much. But then sometimes even doing that can be off putting, making me imagine the worse. I so hope you have some relaxing time, for yourself. Please let us know how you get on, I for one would like to know, maybe one day I will too

take care

Hi  I think it's a big thing to do aswell, going away on your own when you've always gone as a couple as we did. We'd booked a week in September on a coach holiday as we knew he wouldn't be well enough to travel outside UK. However my husband passed away in May - I cancelled the holiday then yesterday thought could I do this alone ? I need to try and start seeing people and going out or I'm sure it'll get harder the longer I leave it. Anyway I've booked just a weekend away on another coach break in September to see if I can do it and how I'll cope - if I hate it  I won't go again but if I'm okay who knows  it might help me join the real world again for a while - time will tell ? I hope you enjoy your holiday and it brings some happiness into your life again

Hi WDJ

You’re right the prospect of that first holiday without that special someone is very daunting!  I have recently returned from my first … a two week holiday with a female friend to Bath, Cornwall and the Cotswolds just 9 months after my dear husband of 41 years passed away.  I jumped at the chance when it was first suggested but as the time to leave came neared I got more and more worried that I wouldn’t be able to cope.  Even on the morning that we left I was nervous and jittery and could quite believe that I was travelling away from home without him.  It helped me a lot that my friend also knew my husband quite well and I was able to talk about him with her and it was as if he was with us (strange as that may sound).

I am very glad that I did it, I had an absolutely wonderful time in good company, and laughed at the silliest things which is something I didn’t think I would be able to do again.  My son and daughter both said they could see the difference in me when I got back and that I no longer looked stressed out.  Truth is it was difficult getting my head into the right frame of mind, but I went for it, and came back refreshed and generally in a calmer state of mind, it did me good.

Try to enjoy your time away, you may surprise yourself and it will be another of those ‘firsts’ out of the way ….. yesterday was our wedding anniversary, the ‘first’ without him, so I’ve been a little teary ….. I miss him every day but know he would want me to carry on and try to enjoy life.

Hi, I'm feeling the same as I'm going away for a few days soon on my own.  I'm kind of looking forward to it as I need to get away from these four walls.  I'm not really looking forward to the drive though as Nic always did the driving when we went anywhere together, even to the shops, but have to do it.  

I hope you can enjoy it as best you can.

Felicity

Hi. Thanks for all of the comments of support once again. 

I think just getting away from the house is the key. It's still getting to me, very much so, as there I 'see' us both in every room I go. The car can be the same but, as I need to focus, my mind does not go into such an emotional state. That said, I have cried when some songs come on.

I'll just have to wait and see i guess. I too am looking forward to it but there's a sense of guilt (I know) that only we can understand.

WDJ

I'm not quite finished the trip yet. It has been a mixed experience and quite emotional one.

I've been on my own, with old friends, and family at various times. The support is absolute. But there is a huge void. Everywhere I go, I feel that I'm on my own, which of course I am. I have cried, I have had moments of reflection and I have, sort of, laughed.

I have been to places I have never visited and wish I was not alone. I have been to places we visited in the past and wish I could go back to that - the past. I have been 'home' to where we lived most of our time together and that has been indifferent.

Seeing family has been good but in some regards the things we have done are exactly how it used to be. Visiting family homes and having meals has been nice but my oh so hard. The empty seat beside me, the gap on the sofa, the not hearing her voice - but it echoing across the room in my mind has been incredibly hard.

Am I glad I have come away from the house at home? Yes. But I'm looking forward to going back - even with all the reservations that that will have when I am again on my own.

WDJ

I've backed myself into a corner regarding going away.  I've been to the cemetery everyday where Colin is buried and don't even want to go away overnight. Well done for facing up and going away I know I should but don't want to go anywhere with anyone except Colin- he kept me safe plus I'm shit at crossing the road on my own  One day I will go on a National Express 2 day trip on my own but I won't tell the family/friends - they'll only want to come and I don't wany them to. 

I am glad WDJ  that you took the trip. I am still away at our Italian house which my wife adored. It was difficult driving down from England, alone on the journey which we always enjoyed together. I was greeted by our Italian friends with many hugs and kisses. It is a close knit community, where we are the only English speaking people. We have so many friends here , its unbelievable. I went to our favourite restaurant when it was our wedding anniversary. I sat alone but I know the owners and they were keep coming past and rubbing my shoulder in affection. I also have had our friends visit for a week and then this last week, I had my sister, niece and 2 little boys come out. They went back yesterday after a tough week as the smallest is 1 year old. Normally I would have had my helper to assist in the hosting. I did shed tears as I drove back alone from the airport. I have one more month here before I have to leave the EU back to the UK which I am determined to enjoy. I have mentioned in other posts, I brought my wifes ashes with me so that has been a comfort. She is in our bedroom in a nice ornate urn which has a vase of fresh roses beside it each week. She will be living here when I return. It will be tough to leave her, but this is where she loved. I know people may think me strange, but I have installed an additional security camera in our bedroom so I can see herewhenever I want , even back in the UK.

Steve123...that is such a lovely post. Well done for going away alone . We travelled a lot and had so much more travelling planned . I don't know how ill feel going anywhere alone. It's small positive  steps at the moment...its only been 6 weeks....I'm still reeling a little...

Hi, I'm back today from my few days away.  My first break since Nic died 18 months ago. It was lovely, but I was so apprehensive about it, especially the long drive and being on my own in a strange place.

But I managed it and gained a lot of confidence in my ability to deal with things. Yes, I felt lonely at times, but it also gave me time to reflect on things and how far I have come.

It was great to spend some time away from home and, though it pains me to say it, my dog.  I didn't have to think about his needs and how they frustrate me at times.  He had a lovely time at doggy boarding which made me feel better.

I gained so much confidence from doing the long drives and it’s given me more confidence to go forward on my own and deal with everything.

I hope that others here also on holiday on their own can gain something positive from it.

Best wishes.