4 weeks on pre funeral

Welcome and I am sorry you find yourself here and for the loss of your husband.

I didn't want to see my husband at the funeral parlour but our daughter did. So I went with her and after she had gone into view her dad  she said its OK come and see him, he looks lovely like he's sleeping!! So I went in. He did look lovely but for me and this may sound so obvious but he looked too still, he looked dead. And that really upset me, I knew he was gone, I watched him take his last breath so I didn't need that to be the last image i had of him.

If you think you will regret not going then go but if you are content with your decision to not then don't.  Again apologies for being obvious maybe!

Whatever you do is the right decision. 

Take care

Hi

I think I agree with Ruby.

it’s whatever you feel is right for you.

it’s all very fresh for me, my wife only past away on Monday but I have already been asked if I want to see her.

At the moment I am not going to. The reason are that I was with her in the hospice 12 hours a day for 4 weeks. I moved in then and was with her 24 hours a day and holding her hand at the end.

I said my good byes and had my final kiss with her then. I am struggling every minute at the moment as you would expect and the thought of having to go and say goodbye again scares me to be honest.

But that’s just me I’m sure others would do something different.

My point is it’s what’s best for you not what you think you should do.

Look after yourself and I’m sorry for your loss x

Steve

so sorry for your loss.

My hubby  had a terrible eight weeks from hell, i was with him all the time, and stayed with him at the hospice and was there when he passed.

I had not made my mind up, then got the phone call from the undertakers, he is here, if you wish to view him, i could not get down there quick enough, I went and broke down, with relief really, he looked  lovely, so much younger, after what he had been threw, i was so happy, i did see him. for me it left a better memory.

You have to do what you want, my son went to see his dad, though my other two children did not.

My thoughts are with you.

I'm so sorry that you are here.

I was with Nic when he died and also wasn't sure if I wanted to see him at the funeral place.  I went twice over a couple of weeks and then decided that was enough.  It's a very difficult decision to make, but I'm so glad that I did it.  Yes, it was heartbreaking to see him there, but it felt right to spend that time with him.  Also, his parents' ashes were buried with him along with messages from family, his childhood teddy bear and a special message from me. I needed to see that everything was there with him and in a way that was lovely, despite the circumstances.

It's such a tough decision to make.

Best wishes.

Ruby Diamond,

Whatever any of us do is the right decision. You have said it yourself! Whatever you do IS the right decision.

I went every day to see my wife until the very morning of the funeral, knowing that I was the last person. I said what I was always going to say. That was always how it was going to be and I told the whole family that too.

What I feel about your situation is that you were there for your daughter, That is the strength within you.

I reply to this tonight having earlier looked at the bench in our garden and burst into tears, then to think of all the fantastic memories of the last twenty nine years.

Take care,

WDJ

Thank you Ruby, and all,  your responses have helped me,  I have decided not to go as I was with him when he died and the past 25 years.  Thanks all, and much love to you all

Your decision will always be the right one and try to be at peace with it. 

Sending you strength and love

I am in the same position right now.  Sean lost so much weight in the last 6 weeks he was here and no longer looked like him.  I was holding him at the end. i am currently 7 days from when he left and i have said no one is to go and see him - they can sit with the coffin but no see him.  He felt like a circus performer in the last 15 months everyone looking at him - i want him to relax now and he would hate people seeing him how he looked at the end and would want people to remember him before he got really bad.

For me personally im scared that if i saw him i would have to start from scratch and hit my day 7 without him again.  This is the longest ive not seen him for in 2 years, and in the last 10 years we never not spoke for more than 2 weeks.  The decision is hard because im desperate to see him, but i dont think its right for me or him.  however, i think i will be going to the funeral home to sit with the coffin to write my final letter to him.

All of us are different and we have to do what we feel is right for us x

I’m 12 days in and am exactly the same as you in terms of seeing him and not wanting anyone else to either. He was not the man he used to be before cancer. I’m so sorry for your loss xx

i felt exactly the same as you, Rob had lost so much weight, he was yellow and lost his hair.  I had nursed him the last 3 weeks and my 23 year old daughter and I were holding him when he took his last breaths.  He had told me he didn’t want people to see what he had become, he wanted to remembered as he was so I said no visitors and he wasn’t embalmed.

I don’t regret not going to see him again tbh (sounds harsh?), I still relive every day the last few moments and I don’t think seeing him would have helped me.

Everybody is different though and we all have to do what our heart says.  There is no right or wrong.

Glenis