To Stay or Not To Stay?

Omg what a mess we are all in,I too feel like it's getting worse not better 10 months for me and l feel terrible the longer it goes the more I appreciate what I had which is making me even more depressed it scares me am I never going to get over this,I need to function normally i have to go to work,i have to make my children think Im ok so they can be ok.

But I don't know if anyone else feels this sometimes I like grieving I miss him I want to be left alone to think about us just leave me alone I get tired of pretending I'm ok 

My mark didn't go peacefully either bad enough he suffered 14 months of pain just to be here for us,when he died he opened his eyes massive heart attack and I knew it hurt him regardless of the medication he was on,still haunts me how can you forget about seeing that,I'm so sorry we are having to discuss this experience but sharing our grief is all we have x

Hi Jayne dont beat yourself up about wanting to be alone I am like that now there were a hundred people st Lynne's funeral and i have seen probably three ,four people since apart from one couple we went out with, and to be honest now I would rather just not see them, I dont know if they were waiting for me me to get back to normal ,never going to happen ,or they just dont care ,I think the latter but anyway idont care anymore I care about my family and that's all that matters  love the people who love you, 

I know iv spent the last 10 months hiding my feelings and trying to protect everyone else,trying to show my children I'm ok,but it's wrong it's not ok I'm not ok,they can't be ok, I don't  know why we can't just be allowed to openly grieve for our loss however long it takes

I've started telling people I'm 'just' ok, at best, but more often already find myself saying things aren't great. I'm not going to pretend to them. Some haven't known what to say back to me. It's interesting seeing their reaction as I think what on earth did they expect me to say!?

Work is the strangest of places. There are those with absolute empathy who simply don't know what to say and those who are so ignorant that regardless of what they say, or don't in some cases with management, come across as idiots!

I'm starting to feel like that just say nothing because they don't understand and I sound pathetic trying to explain it,just hope these people never have to go through it because it's horrible x

Hi I just started getting so angry so at people saying are you alright, I just gave a one word answer ,no, they usually left it at that very few people wanted to carry the conversation on but if they did I would say do you want to know how I feel  and to be honest it was just impossible to explain so they could understand the feeling of loss and devastation 

Shame we have to be monitored for how we are trying to express our experience of grief doesn't seem right to me,there are people out there who need to associate with others and how they feeling.

??, are we monitored??. l thought that the idea of this forum is so that we can be honest, so that people know that in their darkest moments we know how each other feel, because we are and for some have been there. Exactly where they are.

l sometimes wonder if l should curb  exactly what l am feeling, but then we would be lying to ourselves and to everyone one this forum.

It is the same when l visit the lung/bowel cancer forum, and people are asking questions. Some people might say don`t mention all the negative things, but in all honesty they are negative, well they were for my husband Pete.

Sorry miss understood what you ment,