Recently lost my husband

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Hi, we found out my husband had stomach cancer 4 weeks ago and he died last week. He was 39 years old and we were totally shocked. We have a 9 year old son. I feel sick constantly, guilty, lonely, like a can't live without him and I feel it was too quick to we didn't talk about him dying or have that conversation because we thought we had time. 

Anyone been in this same situation? It's killing me.

  • Thank you so much Juliet. Really appreciate it. I feel lost. My husband always did the paper things and I did the house work and cooking. 

  • 10 weeks but he was in hospital for 2 of them and the bleed affected the part of the brain ti do with speech and understanding so we didn’t get that ‘fairytale’ ending that I thought we might.

    I am still working through the admin so let me know if you need any help. Xx

  • I am lucky in that i work for a company that really values its people. I decided to test myself this afternoon and dial into a board meeting - i joined at 3pm - meeting goes on till 4.30 and i've already had to leave as my brain is not ready. I am supposed to go back to work next week but that wont be happening now i know i can't cope. I can take a week's sick leave and then will get the doc to sign me off for another month probably and take it from there. Then i will do a phased return to work - mainly from home as i'm lucky that i can do that. Disappointed in myself this afternoon but glad i tried. I very much doubt you are in any state to go back to work yet so get the doctors to help you. 

  • Thank you. Yes I have the doctors support so will certainly not be going back imminently.  Work are supportive, but I work in healthcare and I just don’t think I have the mental reserve to deal with patients right now. I am planning a gradual return, but it seems to be something that people don’t talk about during grief. Financial requirements bother me See no evil

    I’m sorry you didn’t get through the meeting but I think this is still early days for you too.

    Thanks for the reply, sending love x

  •  I completely understand how you feel. My husband from diagnosis to death also about 4 weeks. The questions I wish I had asked him go over and over in my head, just like you and despite the palliative diagnosis we thought we had a few months & I would of had all the ducks in a row however nature thought otherwise.

    You have already received some good advice from others on this forum, let family & friends support you, be kind with yourself try to eat if you can.

    sending hugs xx

  • Like you I’m also in healthcare & have & continue to have support from work. Definitely do not rush back, I’m 6 months down this dreadful grief road and didn’t even think about returning to work until end of Jan and this was on a long phased return. The weight of what we are dealing with means it is impossible to be empathetic to the problems patients which to discuss with us & until you feel you can cope with this stay away xx

  • Thank you for this. My head is saying working will help with routine, the rest of my body and mind can barely drag itself through the day.

    I am sad that we find ourselves on these pages, but grateful for your response xx

  • Hiya, I lost my husband to stomach cancer 4 days ago, he was 44, from the day we were told the terrible news he only lived 25 days, my heart is shattered, I can’t eat or sleep I feel sick constantly and the longing to have him back is to much to bare, he leaves behind 3 children and 3 children of mine from a previous relationship, he was the kindest most caring man, so much left unsaid too, the grief is all consuming 

  • I am so so sorry, I completely understand how you feel. My husband died nearly 3 weeks ago, after a really aggressive cancer.

    I feel that we didn’t have time to talk about death, all the time we had was spent trying to live, have treatment etc. As you say, so much left unsaid.

    Do you have the kids with you, I have two of mine at home and it’s hard but means I have to function.

    let people around you help if they can. I don’t think there is any magic, the days and nights are long and painful but the reassurance I get from. This site is that people survive and live through grief. 

  • My husbands was a fast reoccurring cancer, he had the all clear November last year and now he’s gone, I nursed and cared for him at home right up until the end, I have so much guilt that I wasn’t with him in his hospital bed the exact moment he passed during the night, i didn’t want him to be scared or think I didn’t care as I wasn’t there it’s all I can think about and it’s tearing me apart, yes I have all 3 of my kids at home the youngest is 9 so he’s the reason I’m getting out of bed in the morning at the moment, I’m so low and just completely destroyed, I’m sorry I’m all doom and gloom I just don’t feel very positive about anything at the moment