Recently lost my husband

Hi, we found out my husband had stomach cancer 4 weeks ago and he died last week. He was 39 years old and we were totally shocked. We have a 9 year old son. I feel sick constantly, guilty, lonely, like a can't live without him and I feel it was too quick to we didn't talk about him dying or have that conversation because we thought we had time. 

Anyone been in this same situation? It's killing me.

  • Oh Jackie, I am so sorry. You must be devastated. My husband died 2 weeks ago after a very short cancer journey and it affected his brain so he couldn’t speak, I feel exactly the same- there was so much stuff we needed to talk about. 
    I am wandering around, crying, and trying to sort out funerals and wakes and I just feel like he should be here.

    I completely get what you are feeling. People are saying how brave I am but what choice do we have? 

    se ding you love x

  • It's so hard is it. I'm exactly the same. How long did you have with him from when you found out about the cancer? How old was he? Its hard to imagine the future without him or going anywhere without him but I have to for my son. 

  • hi Jackie - i am so so sorry. I am in a slightly different situation in that my husband lasted 5 months after diagnosis, and was 53 - but we thought we had 2 years, so many conversations were not had and the end was very very quick. Marc died 4 weeks ago and i am still dealing with legal issues etc etc. Once you register his death (and that took a while for me) you will get a "tell me once" code - that is very helpful for letting govt departments know. Also please please apply for your bereavement payment - its not means tested and will be between £2500 - and £3500 depending on whether you get child support. In addition you will get monthly payments for 18 months. i am still in shock and you are aswell - i have joined a closed facebook group called widowed and rising - we're all going through the same thing. Get support from your GP - whatever you need and just take it one step at a time. I still cry constantly and i genuinely feel your pain. Look after yourself and your son - and remember unless someone has walked in our shoes they have no clue what we are going through. Sending love, Juliet 

  • We are both 52, with 5 children and like you I feel like I have to keep going. But would happily lay down and die next to him.

    he collapsed in February at work with a big brain bleed which we then found out was cancer xxx

  • Hi Juliet, 

    can I ask you what you are doing about work? I am only 2 and a half weeks since my husband died but I am already worrying about how I will cope with work. I have taken 2 months off already because he was so ill 

    ruth x

  • Hi Juliet, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's awful this world we live in. Thank you for your message, talking to people who are going through the same thing and understand what this pain is really like. I don't even know how to register his death? How do you claim for the money for his funeral? 

    Jackie

  • i'm just going to join a meeting for 1/2 hour and then will find links and share them. Be strong xxx

  • Aww that's awful. How long did you get with him before he died? 

  • Still got 3 mins before the meeting - didnt take me long. 

    www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies 

    www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment

    let me know if i can help with anything else