Recently lost my husband

My husband died 9 days ago, I feel the same as you. I'm totally lost without him and I just feel guilty all the time, wishing I would of said certain things to him before he died. I just wasn't expecting it to be so quick and thought I had longer with him. X

Hi it's all so sad, my heart breaks for us all on this journey.

My partner aged 54 was in hospital 12 weeks with no visitors, then home on end of life care they said he had weeks to live, not months, their words, (hear them words over and over), he lived 11 weeks, and I still didn't say what I should have, never believed it, I was left with so much gulit.

He was with it until the end, walked upstairs and slept in our bed everynight for 11 weeks, not well but on the day he died he walked to bathroom, said he could manage, 5 minutes later I found him dead on bathroom floor. I have to learn to live with it, but some days are really hard.

Send strength to everyone.

Donna x

Believe me, nor do I, there is nothing positive, and it’s hard to get through the days. It IS doom and gloom at the moment but there are people that have lived through this and do I have to believe it is possible.

I have lots of guilt too. My husband didn’t want to go back into hospital and 3 days later he was dead- I have so many regrets. And no time to talk.

he had a scan in November that was clear too, but then 3 months later the cancer had spread to his brain.

I hate this disease, and I hate what this has done to our family. And to yours. I am so sad for us all xx

Reading this thread takes me back to when my husband died just over 2 years ago  my heart goes out to you all who find yourself in this new way of life without your partners. I never thought I'd get this far but before you know it, today turns into tonight and tomorrow comes then all of a sudden it's a week, month, months later. 

Big hugs to you all and just do things gradually, 1 step at a time xx

Thank you, I think we're all looking for a light at the end of this dark tunnel, to not feel this way but we also don't want to forget either. So hard, when I have an hour of not thinking about my husband, I feel guilty for not think about him. If that makes sense. X

Thank you for this. I’m so desperate to know there is hope xxx

Guilt I think is a very common feeling during this terrible time. On Colins last day I beat myself up about not getting the nurses in when he couldn't hold his head up properly. It was as if he was trying to drop off to sleep but more likely due to the half Lorazepam tablet that had been prescribed.  

Most of us haven't been through this before so we will eventually realise we did what we could in the circumstances. We won't forget them, little things will remind you everyday, music, a colour, even the flipping lawnmower (that I can't start!!) xx

The guilt is the most crippling part of all of this, I’m desperate to know did he feel pain as he passed as he wasn’t in the same position when I found him as he was when I tucked him in for bed, he was to weak to move so I have no idea how he could get into the position he was in unless he was trying to get out of bed to me, I was sleeping on the sofa on the other side of the room (he was in a hospital bed) in the living room at home, so I have guilt I wasn’t there by the bed, was he scared? Sorry to ramble but I’ve so many unanswered questions about the night he passed (he passed during the night) 

Oh, I'm the same. My husband came home from the hospice at 6pm and was throwing up, the district nurses gave him some anti sickness at 10pm and something for been restless and within 25 mins he died. My question is did the sedative I let them give him, relax him too much and he died or not. Should I have let him come home from the hospice because he was been sick, should have made him stay there? I think the first part of grief is going through the guilt side of it. X

It’s honestly the most traumatic thing I’ve ever been through and it’s all happened so fast, the thought of facing the future alone makes me feel physically sick, at least your husband came home and probably passed where he wanted to, at home with you :) my husband stayed at home the entire time that’s where he wanted to pass away, every night I told him how loved he was and how brave and amazing he was but still wish I’d said more, the weight of the guilt is crippling