Struggling a bit

Hello, just checking in as we all seem to be in the same awful place at the moment. 

I've been getting some things done, but the afternoon nap seems to be a part of the routine which I'm not happy with, however at the same time it feels right at the moment.

I've packed Nic's clothes for the charity shops and now have to pluck up the courage to take them.  I've kept a few bits and pieces but can't hang on to it all.

Basically just feeling ugh about everything.

I hope you are all ok.

Warm hugs to you all x

Hi nicsmrs, I would love a nap sometimes in the afternoon but not sure my manager would approve! I have been trying hard physical exercise as I seem to sleep better after this and I think the release of endorphins helps my mood and the interactions from a social perspective helps massively. I’m grateful I managed to get through my birthday on 27/3 but missed Craig dreadfully on the day. Birthdays were always a day to treat one another day out/ meal out etc but this was a first without him and also the first of significant dates since he died. I have just had a week in France at my besties place and was lovely to connect with her after 3 years and Covid restrictions, the leaving the UK was fine as I travelled over there many times without Craig but I was in tears on the flight coming home as he wouldn’t be at the airport to pick me up when I got back home - another first and this was something I hadn’t thought about before I went on holiday.

I guess we will all be feeling rough for many months to come but I am quite determined that in and amongst there will be moments of happiness.

you have done well to sort clothing I’ve only managed a few bits so far.

Take care & look after yourself 

xx

Hi 

I am quite a way behind you all in terms of time as it is 6 weeks tomorrow since Adrian passed away. We had been together 35 years since we were 17 and even though we were pretty independent of each other when we wanted to be we were always there for each other. So I can do things on my own or organise things but feels odd he's not there. I am away for a couple of nights with my son and his girlfriend on my some business trip and I'm not sure how I feel. The three if us have been away once before without Adrian but it's such an unusual thing for me. I had planned to go back to work in two weeks but not sure I'll be able to yet. Have done lots of paperwork and clearing but so much to do and every job is traumatic. I'm so tired and then being busy makes me more tired. Think I am living on adrenalin. Can't believe he won't come back x

Morning all, 

I am slowly starting to realise that perhaps I’m not doing as well as I thought in all of this. Becs will be gone a year next month and I can’t quite comprehend it. Every now and again my brain almost forgets she’s gone, then the shock of realising she will never come home singing her silly songs when she came through the door. I haven’t moved any of her clothes yet but I feel like it might be a step I need to take as every time I open a drawer I’m reminded. It takes me so long to get ready and I find myself procrastinating putting clothes away which means I am stressing about clutter. This morning on the way to work I just cried. I miss her so much. 

hi, re the clothes, I’ve had Robs sweatshirts made into a blanket to snuggle up to.  I didn’t want to keep too many clothes if his and this seemed the best idea for me.

Take care 

Hi nicmrs

I took all Ric's stuff to a charity shop in a different town. I have never seen anyone with his stuff so maybe that might help.

As with most of us on this thread, I was widowed at 46 and then 52. Now approaching 55. We must remember that we are all still young! (Despite what the children think!!) Lol.

Take care all

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison, thank you for the idea of donating Nic's clothes in another town.  I have been feeling worried about going to my local town and seeing other people wearing his clothes.

I'll get round to doing it soon x

Hi nicmrs

I can't take all credit for that idea, it was my dad's but it was successful!!! 

You do it when you are ready 

Love Alison xxx

Hi,

I have just read these posts and its been a relief to see that I am not the only one who hasn't managed to sort everything out of my husband's yet. He died last August and around Christmas I managed to donate some of his clothes to a local homeless charity, but I am left with lots of other items (I'm sure he had more clothes than me!). I have taken them all off hangers and piled them up in the bottom of a wardrobe, but actually taking them anywhere is proving a problem! I will do what was suggested and take them to another town, as the thoughts of seeing someone in one of his coats or something would be very strange. Why am I struggling with this though, when I have had some of the house decorated and am re-doing the garden now the weather is better? Other people seem to 'get rid' of clothes etc within a couple of weeks, and I realise clothes are personal, but whenever I feel its the right time, I just stop myself doing it!!

Sorry to ramble on. Love to you all in this same sad situation,

love

Llamalover x

Hi,

It's now over two years since my partner died.  I'm still cycling through phases of grief, but it's probably true to say for me the waves got less frequent, although sometimes a wave still hits very hard. Even now it doesn't seem real sometimes, and the shock hits me again.

I'm absolutely exhausted beyond anything I've experienced before.  I've had blood tests etc. to rule out anything else, and the doctor has concluded it is depression, prescribed some meds and told me to get counselling.  I had a short course of counselling last year, and I'm now on the waiting list again for more.  But the exhaustion is now affecting my work and housekeeping.

The denial and bargaining with fate are much less frequent.  Rationally I know, and I've always known, that all the crying, screaming and panic attacks can't change what has happened.  The emotional side of me has been hitting my head hard against a brick wall, and given it all my strength.  It won't give up.  What do I mostly feel now?  Resignation and hopelessness. I suppose the truth has to sink in at the emotional level.  But I'm afraid of what that will look like.

Life is just empty and meaningless.  Without a doubt I've just got to get on with life and make the best of it, I tell myself.

I tried to work out a strategy to get through life and I figured I needed a purpose.  So I changed jobs and considered professional retraining. But it is hopeless; I'm too exhausted. Every day is much the same and I just about function.  The interests that I used to enjoy have now become merely distractions to stop me remembering.  I still cry nearly every day and I often get panic attacks now too.

Hopefully things will get better.