You can’t buy what you desire the most …

I'm in the  same position all the the things we wanted as a couple new kitchen,new French doors,new flooring,buying anything and everything can't buy him back though can I x

I'm probably going have to sell the house at some point in time so it's an investment, god no wonder I can't sleep I'm 58 just had the worst 2 years of my life but I'm still here its nothing compared to what my partner went through he suffered so much, I didn't think I could do this but I'm coping,still have bad days but I know its not going kill me like I thought it would in the beginning I felt so ill,not eating,not sleeping,drinking too much,you do settle down just trust yourself common sense takes over,you will carry on xx

You are indeed still here. Well done you! Your message is inspiring.

Take are xx

Antoine

I completely changed my house back to mine too. It was never his but he came in and changed everything so it is now mine except the stairs, hallway and landing which I am waiting for my decorator to do! I just can't physically manage it at the moment. 

I hated his old fashioned taste and I even have a bit of IKEA, fresh and modern!

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi all on this thread,

I guess I have been doing some of that over-spending too. Shortly after Paul died, I got a sofa bed (because I needed to have somewhere for visitors to sleep). Two months later, I didn't like that sofa bed anymore and decided to go for another one - but not only one but two so that I now have exactly the same couch/sofa bed upstairs and downstairs. I also bought myself new plants over time and, each time I had a new plant, I went away to stay with my parents for a while and came home when the plants had died. And just in general I have been spending too much money which makes me feel bad sometimes because Paul and I were so careful with money always. This year is my year of saving money!

Love XXX

I want to be happy and have fun again, but the logistics of this seem impossible as the person I want to share this with has gone, but I hope I can have little of  one or the other  x

I have also been spending, organised plumber to replace downstairs cloakroom currently an aqua coloured suite, man appointed to do the driveway and garage door to be installed. All of these things were on a list that Craig & I compiled and slowly ticking things on the long list of jobs which needed doing on the house therefore no guilt attached but I am concerned about the cost xx

I struggled in the beginning with my husbands pension it comes with some guilt as you all know, I'm just spending on the things we wanted as a couple jobs we had talked about, the fact we are all saying the same things shows we are all going through the same emotions same process of grief,should be doing these things with our partners but we can't,so we are just doing what we need to do to carry on, to entertain us till we feel normal again its just a distraction from reality that we are alone x

There is no happy place in these early days if I'm struggling its bad,and when I'm coping getting on with things I suddenly have overwhelming  sadness that I'm coping without him then the guilt kicks in your here and they are not I said early days this is 6 months for me this is going take a long time isn't  it.

In some respects I think we are in the same boat.  There is no happiness, some days are bad and some a lot worse. Guilty because we are here and they are not, guilty because of the "what ifs", guilty because some days we manage to cope - just.

It's eight months since Gill passed and harder today than ever.  I don't think that there is a time limit on grief, or a time scale where it starts to get more tolerable.  All I can say is take time, don't rush, and certainly don't "pull yourself together", rather do what you can when you can, and if the sadness hits you accept it for what it is, memories of someone dearly loved. ...... All I need to do now is take my own advice.