Lost my partner only 3 weeks after diagnosis

Dear Lily,

I’m glad it helped, if nothing else I am honest.

I guess what I was trying to explain was that I have family I’ve known and loved for years but they still behave in a way I feel hurtful and don’t understand, try not to think too much  about people who didn’t know or understand the love you shared, that was yours, no one else’s.

Bug hugs…you can always pm if you want to talk x

Hi 

My husband died in weeks with lung cancer. Stage 4. I found him face down on the floor. The hospital gave him false hope, gave him crap info about having chemo and said he had 2 years!!! 

I knew they were wrong but he wouldn't listen. As a result he died not doing any of his bucket list etc and in discomfort with little care arranged!

I hope you have some support and love Alison xxx

Hi Alison,

I'm so sorry,  we were given no support in the 3 weeks after my partner was told he had lung cancer. When he was readmitted, 10 days after coming home they told him he was terminal and that it had spread further. He had no one with him when they told him.The last 2 days he went down hill so fast, he was in lot of pain and discomfort, he was struggling with his breathing he wasnt sleeping at all, he was really low and anxious and we knew so little except he would be having another biopsy within a week. I don't know if it was because it was the weekend but there were very few staff on the ward and trying to talk to anyone was impossible. I tried to make him comfortable before I went went home at the end of visiting.  I shouldn't have left him, they called me a few hours later and he died just before I got there.

I've been staying with an old friend and her family over Christmas, I've had a lot of support here but I have to go back next week, then it's just me and the dog xx 

Hi. My husband is going through the final stages too. There are no doctors on the ward due to bank holiday and he is very uncomfortable. 
I want to be there but it is so hard to see him suffer. It won’t be long now but I dread hearing the news. 
he has had two years since diagnosis so in that way we were lucky although the stress in that time for me has taken its toll. 
torn between wanting the suffering to be over and hating the future. 

Hello

My heart goes out to you as I have been where you are. When Ian passed away, 28 weeks ago now,  I was in total shock and none of it seemed real. He had a DNR in place so I knew to just let him go. He had always been proud of his fitness and hated being confined to a hospital bed.

I wish I could give you real words of comfort but all I can do is to let you know that I will be thinking of you and what you are feeling.

A big hug to you,

x Julie

Thank you Julie. It is especially hard at this time of year for all of us in similar circumstances. Thankfully I have family support x

Oh I am so very sorry for you loss! But I am glad you are here now. Love X

Ah Caw23 I am so sorry to hear this. I completely understand that you are torn between wanting the suffering to be over and not wanting to let go. It is so hard to let go and yet sometimes it is the most loving thing we can do in the end and it sounds like you know this. No doctors on the ward over Christmas and New Year's is terrible, though common. Are you allowed to visit or not due to COVID? Lots of love X

So pleased you have support from family and are not on your own.

x Julie

Hi Lily74,

I am so very sorry for your loss. But I am glad you have found this group here because we all understand because we share the awful experience of having lost our partners.

My husband Paul died three and a half years ago after a long 15 years with an aggressive form of prostate cancer. Well, at first it wasn't, it was well controled with meds, but in 2017 the cancer spread to his liver, he had to have chemotherapy, and after 10 months and with an immune system that was very compromised and generally not in a good condition, he contracted Influenza which developed very quickly into Pneumonia. I was able to take Paul home for the last three weeks of his life but had to bring him back into hospital when he deteriorated very quickly (from Sepsis as I now know). He died peacefully and I was able to be with him right through to the endö.

It is very difficult when you don't have time to prepare. I mean, you can never fully prepare, can you, but at least you have time to talk about it and to do a little bit of anticipatory grieving, which is something you can definitely not do when the death follows very soon from diagnosis.

It's such a pity that your partner's family doesn't accept your role as his partner. I suppose we all grieve differently and his mum's way of grieving was (and mayb e still is) to keep herself very busy hence the clear out. But it is very difficult for you. Hopefully you can somehow find a way to communicate to one another some day.

Lots of love XXX