Lost my partner only 3 weeks after diagnosis

Hi Lily

My heart goes out to you as my husband of nearly 40 years, Ian, died suddenly and unexpectedly only 7 weeks after his diagnosis. This was 28 weeks ago but it still feels like yesterday. I was in shock for several months and I still can’t accept what happened. Ian had no symptoms except a strange feeling in his stomach. The cancer was everywhere and had even spread to his brain. There was no time for chemo as the brain tumour had to be treated first and after that it was too late.

I am so sorry that his family have not included you and that can only exacerbate how you are feeling. All I can say is that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Take each day as it comes and I’m still having to do that now. Grief is unbearable and can hurt so much but you are amongst friends on this site  and they will listen and support you for however long it takes.

Look after yourself

Julie x

Hi Lily74,

Im very sorry you know find yourself part of this group.

My husband also passed very quickly from lung cancer diagnosed 10/9/21 & passed away 16/10/21 without all his tests results being back. Unfortunately when people are younger the body has an ability to compensate until it becomes overwhelmed, I have spent many times thinking should I have recognised any signs earlier but there wasn’t any, unfortunately Craig’s tumour was sat very close to his heart and it was causing all sorts of abnormal rhythms but he was at home with me at the end.

Hang on to the precious memories you made with your partner nobody can take these from you.  

sending hugs to you at this difficult time

Tracey xx

Thank you for replying Julie, my name is Lisa, I'm sorry for your loss too.

I just keep going over everything, trying to make sense of what happened. My partner hadn't been feeling well for a few months, he had been to see his gp several times, he had had blood tests and a chest x ray in September but nothing was picked up, it was only when he was diagnosed with pneumonia at A&E that he had a CT scan and they told him. After 10 days they said it had already spread and he was terminal, they told him while he was on his own. It was all so fast, no time to process anything.

I have been in complete shock, nothing seems real now, I've never felt grief like this, even when I lost my mum and that was so hard. I needed to talk to people who understood this pain, it won't let me settle, I'm feel sick and empty and I just want him to come back. 

Lisa x

Thank you Tracey, I m sorry too, for all of us here, its heartbreaking. 

It's just unbelievable he's not here anymore, so many things to process and it all so painful to think about.

Thank you for the hug, I feel I'm amongst friends already, my name is Lisa x

So sorry that you've found yourself here. 

My husband died far quicker too. 

Take care of yourself

Hi Wildcat, I'm sorry you lost your love so quickly too. I look for him everywhere, maybe the moon is the place, I will look tonight.

I can't see a future without my love in the world either, it's so unfair x

Hi Lisa,

I’m so sorry your going through this, it must be so hard to be excluded in this way, maybe in time his family will try to understand your relationship and your loss.

My husband of 48 years, passed away 11 weeks ago tomorrow and some family haven’t perhaps behaved as I would have hoped but to be honest, any upset I feel at their attitude is irrelevant in comparison to the pain I feel. I hope in time they’ll understand. 

People on here are kind and understand, try to keep talking.

Big hugs……Linda x

Hi Linda, thank you, I'm sorry you've lost your husband too.

I met my partner's brother at the hospital after he had died, he was the only one who knew I was with him, he was only allowed one person to be with him at the hospital because of covid and I was down as his next of kin so I could be with him.  I met up with his brother before the funeral, it was very formal though, I was invited to the small private service and thanked for caring for him  but no one since has wanted to know any more of what we had or what we went through. 

I had to go to the house to get my things and post the keys, I said to his brother I would like to help with his things but his mum is doing everything, packing everything up, so I asked him if I could have one of his paintings and his dressing gown for comfort but his brother was non committal, he said he would try. I feel like I was nothing, I told his brother that. 

I just think its complicated my grief more than I need, I get angry with my partner at times for keeping me a secret and leaving me like this, I know his reasons though so I have to accept it. I'm trying to let things go because I understand theyre grieving too. I got all the pain of seeing what he went through to deal with as well as losing him and that's enough. 

Sending you a big hug too, Lisa x

Oh sweetheart, that’s really hard, the fact they know you were down as his next of kin, so you could be his visitor, shows how important you were to him and his brother knew of your relationship, I don’t understand how people can be so hard. 

My brother in law got Covid before the funeral, so he couldn’t come, he knew and understood that, but I was also worried about my sister in law. I asked her to isolate if she wanted to come but she wanted to go about her business, and live normally and so I was blamed for not following the nhs Covid rules. I had phone calls and messages ignored. At a time of my greatest need, seeing Mart for the last time before the funeral, my heart was broken and they ignored me.

I’m sure they were hurt, and I’m sorry for them not being able to come but to ignore me, that’s hard. We’ve both sent Christmas cards, I included a note saying there’s no point in further recriminations etc but I haven’t had a response.  

These are people who have supported us throughout the last 3 years, I still love them but don’t understand. I don’t expect everyone to see things the same way as me but even at 70 years of age, people surprise me.

You have so much to work through, I hope you’ll remember you were something, you were the most important person to your partner, you were the one he chose to be there with him. That’s love.

Big hugs …….Linda

Linda, I just wanted to say thank you for your words of support, I read your last paragraph and cried, what you said was so lovely.

I'm sending you a big hug

Lisa x