Can't sleep

Oh babes, I wish I had the words but I don’t, that’s s##t, I’m sorry you had to experience that, but you obviously found a way to make it a little better. 
Love and hugs right back at you xxx

Sounds like you and needing friends are living in the same time zone, sounds perfect for a friendship. I’m more of a midnight or 5 am sort of person. Big hugs xxx

Hi Steve, there are so many of us on this group that can relate totally with your feelings. My wife Sharon and I met in our very late 50’s but loved each other completely, we literally lived for each other. We married in July 2020, I retired early in Oct 2020 and we planned to travel after covid. 2021 has been the worst year of my entire 64 years. Lost my eldest sister to cancer in Feb, then my one true love Sharon diagnosed in May and passed away 17th Oct (feels,like yesterday as she was in my arms). Then to finish off the year on 23rd Dec my brother-in-law was found dead  from suspected heart attack. Two months on and the overwhelming pain of a broken heart is still a significant part of my day. I truly wish I or probably anyone on this group could say something to ease your pain, but sadly that’s unlikely. 
Fortunately I have a very good supportive GP, I assume you have seen your own GP, and so I am on anti-depressants and sleeping tablets, without which I’d be in an even worse mindset than I am. What I would say is take all the media words on mental health very seriously, the worst thing you could do is to bottle up your grief it is really important to express your grief, sadness, etc.. I am also fortunate to be seeing a psychologist weekly who is helping me by listening to all my feelings, tears, anger, etc… My hope is you also have a very understanding employer who also take mental health very seriously, and you should certainly discuss your needs with HR and definitely your GP. As you say you’re not sleeping then working full time and so you must be incredibly tired and this alone will only serve to make your pain feel even greater. Please don’t be afraid to take time of work if you need a good rest. My older brother is my rock and the day after Sharon’s funeral we went away to spend 7 nights in a remote Welsh cottage, this really helped me and my brother totally understood my breaking down in tears on the spur of a moment for no apparent reason.

You will find endless support from all the wonderful people on this forum, but you really need people to off load too verbally and face to face. My brother and my best mate regularly sit and listen to my tearful ramblings about how much I miss my one true love, who gave me the happiest 6 years of my entire life. 
I’ve just taken my sleeping tablet, in the hope I can sleep through one of my saddest evenings since my loss, and be asleep before the fireworks madness begins.

Best Wishes Steve and to everyone on this forum, stay strong. Look to the sky and find the brightest star, then be assured it is your loved one looking down on you.

Take Care,

Paul x

Hello Paul

i am on Citalopram 20mg, it can cause itchy eyes and dry mouth / lips, which of course I have ,some other ADs do this also, luckily I don’t have trouble sleeping, although I do wake up every 3 hours or so, the itchy eyes are uncomfortable when trying to sleep, but I do manage.

hope you don’t read this till late morning and get a good sleep, the last sentence of your post is beautiful, made me cry, thank you

be good to yourself 

Hi there, and when you know 5hat you won't get anymore sleep the day stretches out endlessly. Some people say there aren't enough hours in 5he day, for some of us there are just too many 

Yes, way too many xx

it’s going to be one of those days I think, New Year, New day and nothings changed.

Just having a bad one today 

I know, everyone else's lives seem to be moving forward, with plans and things to look forward to, and ours are static. Will hopefully get to see Mum and Dad, but nothing has joy anymore. Just waiting for the next blow. Must try some positivity, not helping anyone. Hope your day goes better than you expect xx

hi, I’m normally a positive person, I have plans for this year, coming out of retirement and starting back at prev employers on Tuesday (part time), new home to move into in March, but sometimes seems pointless without Rob by my side.

If that awful disease hadn’t got him we should have been retired in the sun.

As I sad just a bad morning/day, it will get better.

Thank you for your kind words. 

Sorry you’ve not had a good day. I think you have done amazingly well moving forward with your plans & finding your new home. Rob would be incredibly proud of you