Christmas

Already had it, but after 35 years of decorating the house with Lynne  watching her open her presents cooking dinner etc told people I dont want to do cards ,presents, dont want to ho for dinner ,just want it to be over people say it will be miserable on my own but not as much as watching them enjoying themselves doing what me and Lynne did every year  all the best   Terry 

Hi, this is all so very hard and all of us here know exactly how you are feeling.  It's 9 months since Nic died and I still go day to day depending how I feel when I wake up.  Forward planning isn't usually on my radar at all.  However, I have decided that this year I want to do Christmas my way, ie on my own but keeping up some of the traditions that we always had.  I've not had the question from family yet, but I know what I want to do and am going to do it.

Please don't feel under pressure from others. You will know what's best for you at the time, even if it's a last minute decision.  I have a very good friend who very much wants to include me in her family's Christmas, but I've let her know what I want to do and she respects that.  I hope that your family and friends can do the same.

Come here to rant any time.  We all do and all support each other.

Take care and know that you are not alone with anything you are feeling and thinking at the moment.

Felicity 

I’ve never been a Xmas fan to me it’s just another day, Craig & I quite often went away to escape the hype. I’ve already told my family I will not b breaking with my tradition & shall do Xmas in my own way but this year without my sidekick, thinking of a picnic & either heading for the hills or the coast. My advice is do what feels right for you not what other people think you should do xx

Hello Jillybean74

The reason for the question is people do not know what to say.

It can be very easy to offend by asking a stupid question, but it can be difficult if people say nothing.

To take each day one at a time is a good policy, just rise above it and let them know you have no plans.

Hope this helps.

Hi. 
Yes you’re right. The saying nothing is worse - the person I actually work for has not said a single word to me about Daves passing. I get that some people don’t know what to say to your face but it’s easy to send a text message.  Fortunately she’s leaving the company in two weeIs so I can just forget about her then (I won’t allow her to affect my feelings anymore) 

ive made it through my first two days back at work, although coming home to an empty house was tough - but I’ve survived and today I get my first cuddle with my newest grandson 

hi Jillybean, glad you survived your first 2 days, how was it?

I retired in June but never told many people that Rob was ill, everybody knew of our plans to move to Spain. Am going part time back to the Bank soon on a different project but will obvs come across a lot of people I know.  I am sure they will comment about me being back, that’s going to be hard to know what to say why I’m back without getting upset.

I do hate people asking me how I am doing, I never really know the answer to give, I generally say good days and bad days and then change the subject.  if people at work know the truth about why I’m going back I’m not sure how I will cope with the questions.

On another note, at the Foodbank yesterday I was working with a lovely lady who had lost her husband in March, it was so nice to be able to chat somebody who was feeling like me.

How lovely for you cuddles with your grandson, lots more wanted!

Glenis 

Hi Glenis

It wasn’t too bad as I work in a branch office so there’s only 7 of us in total and I have my own office so I can hide away when I need to. All of the others (other than my boss) are lovely- they bought me a rose tree for the garden when Dave passed away called “at peace” I was in touch with all of them before I went back anyway as we have a group chat so I suppose that made it easier for us all. 
I can imagine that it’s going to be harder for you as people won’t know - is there anyway that you can let them know before you actually go back - it will still be hard but at least you won’t have to say the horrible words out loud so many times. 
I also hate being asked how I am - I know people are just concerned but do they really want me to tell them how I am? My stock answer is “taking it a day at a time”. 
Im glad you got to talk to someone who gets it- I really believe that only someone who has lost their spouse understands. People try but losing a parent isn’t the same is it. We have lost the person who was our future. 
Done my Covid test so off I go to see Fergus. He was four weeks old yesterday but was born at 32 weeks so he only came out of hospital on Monday. Also looking forward to a hug with my daughter 

Hope you have something nice planned for today 

Jillian x 

hi, thanks for your response, yes maybe a good idea to tell the people that I will be working closely with and ask them not to ask me how I am!

i had my volunteering today as a steward at the Vaccination centre, I do like it there as everybody is so nice and I have 4 hours of not thinking constantly about Rob.

I hope you had lots of cuddles today.

take care

Glenis 

gorgeous!  

xxxxx